Saturday, December 31, 2005

Blog Assesment, Cont...

So, it's 6 months later and I'm assessing the purpose and motivation for continuing to blog. It's not that it takes an outrageous amount of time, as in, I'm not neglecting my family or job because of does take enough time that it's not something I should continue doing if it serves no purpose.

I mentioned yesterday that I didn't tell Tdub about my blog at first. It was a good decision. I think if he'd known about it from the start he'd have been worried each day about what I might say...or concerned that something he said or did would end up as some sort of "rant" plastered all over the internet. STRUGGLING HOMOSEXUAL HAS THE NERVE TO PISS OFF HIS WIFE...DOWNLOAD FULL DETAILS HERE. Like I said, he was one of the very first, if not THE first person (he feels certain this was all his idea!!) to suggest I start blogging. I liken his suggesting it to the 4th of July when we buy the boys one of those humongous artillery-type fireworks that looks like we might be ready to take out an entire village and has a fuse cord thick enough to support swinging bridges. We light that sucker, run like heck as far away as we can get, then crouch down and hope that something awesome and beautiful happens as opposed to something that comes after you, leaving you squealing in anguish or blinded and maimed for the rest of your life. It's a risk.

I'd been blogging for about a month and a half when I got an email from this guy I'll call "Joe". (not his real name) Joe was a single Christian guy who was enjoying my blog and wanted to correspond a little and ask me a few questions. Specifically, he wanted a woman's perspective on some questions he had about his own struggle with unwanted same sex attraction. This was where things began to get tricky. I'd felt like I needed to tell Tdub about the blog just a few days before I got this email from Joe. After a few emails back and forth with Joe...there was no DOUBT in my mind that Tdub HAD to know. The blog had suddenly taken on a sort of life of it's own and in forming an actual real life friendship because of it, I was close to crossing into territory no one should venture into when you are married. I'm not talking about anything sexual. I'm speaking of giving time, effort, energy and emotional support to something outside the marriage. I believe anything of that nature becomes adultery if you allow it to. And so....I told Tdub about the blog. I FWDed all the corrspondence I'd had with Joe to him and caught him up completely on the entire process. He (Tdub) was in awe, inspired, supportive, and completely happy about it. He loved having a body of work to read so that he could get a feel for what sort of blog it was and the sort of things I wrote about. No rants about my homosexual husband...*whew*!!

We ended up meeting "Joe" in person about a month ago. It was awesome and we now consider him to be one of our dearest friends. When you share struggles of this nature and God brings you together and blesses your's amazing how quickly you can become bonded in Him. That's what we have with "Joe", a brotherhood in Christ brought about by common pain. And together, we have common JOY.

And that's why I started blogging in the first place. Because I felt I'd lost or hadn't been able to find the JOY that I knew God had for me.

I asked Tdub what his perceptions of my blogging did he percieve it had been of help or not to me? He said that he believed the blog had opened lines of communications between us that had not existed before. It has become easier for him to trust that he can talk with me about some difficult subjects because of the things he's read in my blog. Trust is difficult for all of us. Just imagine the issues of difficulty that would exist if you were a married male who struggled with unwanted same sex attractions.

The assesment of the blog is that it has been a very good thing for me and it's something I should continue for the time being. I love being part of the community of bloggers in the little circle of friends I've made since I started blogging. And some, like Ben, who I've been interacting with long before I had my own blog.

I do not blog because I think someone will be changed or convinced of anything because of what I say. I blog for me. It helps me. I do love interacting with people who comment, don't get me wrong. Sometimes I wish more people would comment because as much as I hate that it works this way, it is rather affirming to know that someone heard you and had something to say about it, even if they don't necessarily agree with you. So, if you've thought about commenting and you haven't, please do! :) But if you don't, that's fine too. :)

in Him,

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Randy said...

Thank you for sharing about this. I am glad blogging has been so helpful to you. Bless you and keep at it!

grace said...

Thanks for stopping by Randy! I can't really consider you a "blog daddy"...but maybe a "blog cousin"?? :)
Can't wait to have the time to try out a "test blog" as you suggested! With Tdub's design skills at my disposal (haha!) there's so much I could do if I can only ever figure out HOW! augh!

kurt_t said...

I loved your fireworks metaphor. Very poetic. And funny. If you wrote a book, I think I'd sit down and read it in one afternoon.

grace said...

Thanks Kurt! What a very gracious thing to say...I'd love to imagine that I could sustain that level of writing to the length of an actual book. I guess there are some things you don't know until you try, though, huh? Thanks again for reading and for commenting!

Brett and Jenny Perkins said...

i came across your blog a few months ago after seeing you comment a few times on some other blogs i read. i now check in on your blog every so often. we really don't have that much in common, but i enjoy your writing and am encouraged by the redemptive story of your marriage. i'm glad you will continue to blog and i pray it will be a blessing for you and for others.
happy new year!

Inheritor of Heaven said...

Linked to your blog from another which I linked to from another etc etc.
I have been learning about how we in the church need to be a "safe place/safe people" and it sounds as though you have a fantastic start on it. It is hard to love others without judging them especially when trying not to lose sight of the "truth". I do think that because of a lot of judgemental and nonloving Christians there has been a turning away of the gay community towards reception of love from Christians and a resistance to healing, freedom, and fellowship. It seems (here anyway) that the only time the gay community accepts the church and vice versa, it is in the context of a church which has thrown out a great deal of biblical truth. What is your opinion?

grace said...

I know ALOT of people who blame their non-acceptance of church on the bad behavior of "Christians". My opinion is that until we as the church begin to truly reflect Christ, corporately as well as individually, we are going to continue to alienate people of all stripes. It IS possible to love unconditionally and speak the truth at the same time. This is what I see Jesus doing time and again in scripture. He just loved people. He seemed to expect them to sin and yet called them to leave it behind by putting their faith in Him. Come what may. My opinion is that the gay community in particular should find in us a love that woos them to our presence, not repels them toward greater rebellion. They may have to walk away sad, like the rich man Jesus spoke of, but surely there would be more of a sadness than an anger or bitterness. I don't know. I'm making most of this up as I go along, so just take it for whatever it's worth to you. :) I will certainly keep thinking, praying, and reading scripture with my heart open to this dilemma. Thanks for stopping by and for commenting!
in Him,

Mel said...

I'm glad I found your blog. (I guess because you found my blog!) Thanks for writing about this seldom-discussed topic.