Thursday, October 20, 2005


Ok...I want to know something. Or at least know the thoughts of those of you who read this now and then. This is NOT a trick question. I don't intend and REFUSE to start any arguments. I'd just like to know something, that's all.

In your experience is sexual addiction the norm (70%) in the gay community? My definition of sexual addiction is pretty broad and runs the gamut from having sexual relations anonymously and with multiple partners to serial monogamy which I would define as having sexual relations with one person at a time but frequently changing partners.

I'm not out to prove how horrible gay people are. Anyone who reads this knows I don't feel that way at all. I'm just thinking about some things and I'd like to compare our experiences as I reflect on all this.

Thanks in advance to you if you are brave enough to comment. If it turns into a fight I'll shut it down. I'm not about that sort of thing at all.

in Him,


Norm! said...

"In your experience is sexual addiction the norm (70%) in the gay community?..."

I would not consider most of the gay men I know to have sexual addition. However, my definition of sexual addition differs from yours. I would define a sexual addition as a person's sexual behavior that was compulsive, uncontrollable and ultimately self-destructive.

I have noticed more sexually compulsive behavior by men in desperate situations such as men in ex-gay programs, men in straight marriages, and men who are coming out. I also know gay men who I would consider to have sexual addiction because they seem to be constantly searching for their next sex partner.

I also think it is common for gay men to go through a "slut phase" when coming out that would involve being sexually compulsive. So, I think it's a safe bet to say most gay men have, at one time or another, been sexually compulsive. I don't know if that is really considered sexual addiction, though. If so, then probably every man, gay or straight, has had sexual addiction whether it be with another person, porn, or 'self-gratification'.

It be interesting to know what experience you are trying to compare.

grace said...

Thanks for your insight Norm. I know it's a really loaded question and probably stupid to ask it...because it sounds like I'd be comparing gay to straight or something, which I'm not. According to my definition, I'm of the opinion that there's not a difference in the realm of sexual addiction/compulsion between gays and straights. I'm just trying to get a better idea of the issue from the gay side and also get an idea of people who are not gay's perceptions of it. If that makes sense. I've basically got all these thoughts running through my head about something I'm wanting to write and I'm trying to gain some focus. :) Thanks for your help!

Robert said...

Oh I could write volumes on this question. ;-D

I would not call it "sexual addiction," but I do think that gay MEN in particular are more open in their relationships. Lesbians . . . I really do not know.

I think that gay male couples can survive an open relationship where I have never (yet) seen a straight couple do so. There seems to be less of a social stigma against open gay male relationships.

As far as multiple sex partners, for some gay men it can be hundreds and hundreds. Again, I think there are more opportunities for that sort of thing to happen, and I think that is really where your question is sort of going to (based upon your response to Norm's response).

I really have to say I think this is a guy thing (and I hope I am not rambling here), but men can give themselves as a whole a lot of opportunities for sexual gratification ( I think women, as a whole, tend to say "NO" a lot more. ;D )

BTW-- For my own preference, I like monogamy, but I have had sexual intercourse with more than one guy prior to getting into the monogomous relationship.

Boy, that was random and rambling.

Anonymous said...

I think you are right that both gay and straight persons can and do exhibit the behavior you describe. However, in urban areas there may be more opportunity to "act out" for both types of people.

Elizabeth said...

Hmmm, I think it happens a lot in both cases. From what i've seen, I find it most common with gay male and straight men. Heck, it's just men that's the problem here! Haha, well seriously it does seem more common but it does happen with women too.

I don't think it's good for anyone to be so promiscious. My sister just found out that some guy from a neighboring school had aids and didn't tell the girl he slept with and now SHE has aids, and she didn't know it and slept with other men so a bunch of people have Aids. And none of them used protection! It's madness!

In my opinion, (not trying to stur up a debate or anything) I don't think it's homosexuality it'self is the problem in God's eyes but the premiscious behavior that sometimes go with it. If one is gay, then one must do it in a manner that follows the ways of God. Or try to. That's one reason I think Gay marriage should be legal because if we could get married, we wouldn't be "unofficually married" or not at all and living together. *sighs* but, whatever. I'm done rambling now...xD

grace said...

Robert, Anonymous, and Elizabeth,
I appreciate your transparency in commenting. I tend to agree with you (robert and elizabeth) that it's a "male" thing. I've thought that for a long time but it sounds judgemental coming from a straight conservative christian female, you know? So...I appreciate you saying what I didn't feel comfortable saying. :) Just finished posting and it's time for me to go to bed....but thanks so much for your thoughts!