Tuesday, October 04, 2005

My Blog

I blog anonymously. This past weekend a few of my very closest friends, who know all my secrets anyway, found out about it. Which is fine. I've shared so much that if anyone even aquainted with us or our family stumbled onto my blog they'd know immediately who I was. So, should I remain an "anonymous" blogger or not? What's the point? That's what I'm thinking about lately.

grace

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9 comments:

michael said...

I think that might be the safest option! Especially since you have children, and since you occasionally discuss them on the blog, I think it's best to stay anon... Just my two cents though.

BTW, I closed up the 'ole blog because of a lack of time. I'll start it up again soon, though.

Michael

Robert said...

I think it would be a good idea to stay anonymous. That way if you want to throw something personal out there for your readership to consider, there is little risk that "anything you say can and will be used against you." ;-D

tdubtx said...

hey there... this is the "husband" here...thought i'd put in my $0.02...

all along, i've been afraid of disclosure, of sharing this struggle with others. (goodness, i'd hidden it for over 30 years--i was a master at it!) oh sure, i've shared it now with 5 or 6 men who don't struggle with this particular battle (which trust me is progress!). but as far as EVERYONE knowing...NO WAY! however, i have begun to realize that my fear has been holding back "grace" from her mission, from her using her "life experiences" to minister to others. such a stance is selfish--not to mention spiritually immature--of me but she's been very patient with me as i work through this.

that said, OF COURSE i vote for "continued anonymity" (haha). seriously and to be completely honest, i remain unsure how our community and our church will react. further, only our oldest son "knows" and most all of our family [while many assume] don't know either.

but what this boils down to, as grace so wisely and patiently knows is that, in my own time, I have to resolve whether by continuing to hide my struggle(s) (yes, there are others haha) if i am somehow refusing to glorify God in my weakness so that his power and his strength may be illustrated through what he's done and continues to do in my life. i mean, he'll be glorified regardless of what i do, but will i grow to become what he intends otherwise???

this is the process of "life" that we're working through together. scary stuff. but life is an adventure, right?

Robert said...

Hey "Grace's Husband"! ;-D

It is good to hear from you! I am curious -- Grace has mentioned that you have gay friends in your social circle. Do they know that you have same sex attraction? I am curious as to what their reaction has been.

grace said...

Michael: So GOOD to hear from you! I wondered why you'd dropped off the face of the blog earth. You know, you could just post occastionally...you don't have to post multiple times a day even IF I like reading what you have to say... ;) Glad you're back and let me know when your blog goes back up.

Robert: No. Our gay friends don't know about his attractions. We are only really close with one of them, and the others are basically just his friends. But we are both his close friend, me on a more personal level and my husband more on a business level as they are associates. And not that you are asking but I feel no threat in any way because of my husband's relationship with him.

tdubtx: Hello dear! Of course your wishes are my foremost concern...so...anonymous it is and anonymous it shall remain.

tdubtx said...

hmmm how to respond....

to "robert" (who really may be "robert" haha): the personification of my struggle with SSA is probably at the very least somewhat obvious, especially to those who either (a) possess "gaydar" (the gay populous seems to enjoy a disproportionate amount of this trait) or (b) happen to be homophobic. [my initial thoughts and my experience with these two extremes are that those in between are maybe just less judgmental.]

that said, i’m fairly certain that the circle of my gay friend’s gay friends we occasionally socialize with are alerted by their internal gaydar alarm—whether or not they have knowledge that i consider it a struggle / chose purposefully to live contrary to that lifestyle / that it’s something our marriage has been trying to withstand.

and yet, each of these guys remains outwardly respectful of my life as a heterosexual man. and here’s why i think that: it’s because “grace” shows them so much acceptance and love [much more than i am able to—which is odd, but that’s another post] ... because we don’t judge them … because i am a father … because, dare I say maybe they see a glimmer of love that truly can be realized by people who are willing to work for it.

that may be going too far but i believe that unconditional love is something we all, regardless of our struggles (gluttony, pride, hate, etc.), truly want to experience in life. but particularly for those of us who struggle with SSA.

the unconditional love “grace” shows to me is evident to anyone we’re around. that characteristic negates a gaydar alarm any day.

Ben said...

I don't comment on other blogs often, but had to just point this part out:

"i have begun to realize that my fear has been holding back "grace" from her mission, from her using her "life experiences" to minister to others."

I've never met "grace" -- but she's been a presence in my life, so much so, that sometimes, when I have to make decisions, I sometimes wonder, what is Grace gonna say when she reads about it later?

profound ministry...

grace said...

Ben,
That's very affirming, thanks. But I have to say....it's not really me, it's Christ in me....he wants you so much loves you (and me) so completely. I'm just a cracked vessel like you, but submitted to Him, I become something beautiful and useful in His kingdom.

Emery said...

Hey, thanks for sharing Ben. :-) Very cool.