i should also like to address how i am able to function in this circle of friends that includes very "out" gay men.
as grace has mentioned before, it’s not too frequent that we’re among these friends, but when we are, i am somewhat put off by a lot of the goings- and carryings-on … mainly bcz it reminds me of the hurt that i inflicted on grace … but also—and i certainly do not want to offend anyone—bcz of the sadness that i perceive through a veneer of happiness and pride with that lifestyle that i could have all too easily been in myself. a lifestyle that i believe to be unfulfilling, empty, and unsatisfying.
this attitude/feeling of compassion i have is not unlike the feeling i have for anyone in such a situation who finds him-/herself bereft of love and acceptance. as one redeemed, i, as much as anyone, have a responsibility to show the reason for the hope i have to those around me: straight, gay, or whatever.
i know through grace i am blessed with something valuable; something i almost lost; something i perceive they are looking for that goes beyond intercourse: that same 100% unconditional love and acceptance that our God promises us and allows me to experience through someone like grace. through our sons. through healthy relationships with other men who struggle with life just like me.
but can i with any conscience hide from it all? can i isolate myself in straights-ville and pretend my struggle doesn't exist--even though someone’s gaydar may be going off or some redneck homophobe gives me a dirty look?
Yes, that is exactly what i do. especially among my friends in straights-ville and at the straights-ville church we attend [hence grace’s gracious acquiescence to remain anonymous for the time being] but that’s ALSO another post for another time.
but we cannot turn down an opportunity to go and be among these folks. not to preach or condemn them but to love and laugh and create relationship.
who knows the moment one can be used to show the miracle of hope.