My Husband

I posted this comment over at Ben's blog in response to his post titled Changing Attraction...

I'm 99% sure that my husband is still not physically attracted to women in general. And while I don't want or need to know his daily level of struggle (which he's described as basically just a mind game) in his attractions to men...I CAN tell you with certainty this fact. He IS attracted to ME physically. And I'm a woman. :) So...what this says to me in regards to you is...the woman God has for you, who will love you and embrace all that it means to be married to a man who struggles as you do...may not stir physical eros in you initially. It may be a process. You may never be attracted to women, per se, but you may very well be attracted to just ONE woman. Hope that makes sense.

I asked my husband to read and respond to me about what I'd written to Ben because I wanted to be sure I hadn't spoken out of turn in the way I perceived things related to his change and our marriage. With his permission, I've posted what he wrote to me. It's beautiful, special, and private to me, hence, my desire to share it with everyone. :) It really is all those things, and yet, I believe it gives an added perception to many things I've written here and is valuable in gaining a clearer picture of the way our marriage, by God's infinite grace, continues to thrive against all worldly odds.


Yeah, you really crystallized the issue … I mean, hell if I would write this stuff down,
(which i'm just still just afraid of--you know how i feel about the power of words) I think what might’ve come out of it is something like that … at least that’s how I would want you to perceive I was reasoning about myself and our marriage… which it seems you have although I say very little. … If that makes any sense at all.

Yeah, I have to admit that I don’t “get off” looking at opposite sex, boobs, etc….. so women in general, yeah, you’re right, although I appreciate their beauty and characteristics and nature.

And about you, yeah, I get that.
I do feel that way—bcz I’m in love with YOU and attracted to all the components OF you that MAKE YOU a woman, including the physical meldings of our male and female forms….

I mean, maybe some day I’ll start wanting to buy t***y mags…hahaa....

….but I’m content to be en eros with regard to ONE woman, my earthly companion. The one I was destined for all along. [Lucky you. :D]

And for me, the battle is such a head game. To appreciate and observe strength and beauty (male or female) vs. obsessing over personal inadequacies, feeling isolated, needing affirmation/touch, …. All of those things comprise my struggle each day.

Keeping that struggle in perspective; meeting needs in healthy ways—not by sexualizing or contextualizing or settling for “oh this is how I am”; recognizing my purpose in life (including struggle); and aye, even…dare I suggest…thanking God for where he’s grown me from…and to….

These are NOT mere mental posturings in response to the battle, rather they are viable weapons I can use in the fight for my masculinity, manhood, role as husband, father, and friend. As the whole man God intended.

You’re far more perceptive than I would have ever imagined; far more at peace and clear-thinking than I could ever have hoped; and provide much enc o u r a g ement for me to face this; deal with it; and perhaps come to embrace it fully. I mean, my gosh, to be able to even talk about this.

You’re truly amazing.

Ly


I thank my dear husband for allowing me to share that. And I thank God continuously for blessing me with a man who challenges me to continue to grow in grace and wisdom. I thank God for the blessing this struggle has become to us and our marriage. I stand in awe of His faithfulness, goodness, mercy, compassion, and absolute power to change, heal, and reconcile.

grace

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Coming Home

He's coming home! Pepperdine boy will be here next weekend! I'm excited, even though I think it's a bit stupid the way it's worked out for him to get to do this. He's getting this flight practically free.

It seems there's this girl. I hate the sound of that. But....anyway.....he swears she's just a friend but admits that he knows she has a crush on him. She's still in high school and her daddy is a pilot. She's convinced dad to let him(our son) use one of their free airline passes and he's getting it on the condition that he take the girl to the homecoming football game. Is that not just ridiculous?

Of course he doesn't care. He just wants the free pass home. He's really missing his friends and looking forward to having a big tall glass of sweet tea which apparently you can't get in California. I'm feeling confident that he's been gone long enough that he's "hooked" on being in college out there. I wouldn't have wanted him to come home too soon.

I can't wait to see him. I'm all ready scheming as to how I can get him to go and get his hair cut while he's here. :) Hey, a mom can dream.

grace

Happy Anniversary

How awesome is this?

Last weekend was our 6-year anniversary and my husband made this card for me. He's just the best! He attended a design conference in Boston a few weeks ago and they made these at one of the sessions he went to. It's a little "over the top" from what they did there, what with the velveteen theatre curtain and the glitzy backdrop, but very typical of the sorts of things he does. He's one of the most (if not THE most) sentimental people I know or have ever met. He has every note I've ever scratched to him and saves movie ticket stubs....even from BAD movies. It's pathetic. But of course I love him and I LOVE being treated to things like this card! It made my evening and it still makes me smile when I look at it. My motto is (jokingly, of course) "It's all gonna' burn." It makes me feel good to "purge" stuff occasionally. I can quickly clean any closet or cabinet as long as I have enough trash bags handy. I have to make sure he's not home, of course. It's one of the ways we complement each other with our differences.

Six years. We've literally packed a lifetime of experiences and growth into these six years. So much so that six years sounds way to short a length of time for us. Our six years needs some formula put to it like they do with dog years. Add an extra two years for every major stress life experience you've weathered. That would mean we've actually been married more like 12 or 14 years. That sounds better. My husband would agree. He's weathered through me every bit as much as I've weathered through him! I imagine we will continue to weather one another for as long as we keep Christ at the center of our individual lives and our marriage. "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things will be added unto you." We are a living, breathing testament to that truth.

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Risk

Following Christ is risky business. In fact, I'm inclined to believe that if I never have to leave my comfort zone(s) or do things that somehow pain or distress me, I may not be wholly committed at that time. And I do go through times of rebellion (like a teenager) when I just don't feel like doing what He's asking. My point is, it's never easy and the stakes get higher and higher as I mature in Him.

C.S. Lewis explains it really well for me by comparing it to going to the dentist, of all things.

"When I was a child I often had toothache, and I knew that if I went to my mother she would give me something which would deaden the pain for that night and let me get to sleep. But I did not go to my mother - at least, not till the pain became very bad. And the reason I did not go was this. I did not doubt she would give me the aspirin; but I knew she would also do something else. I knew she would take me to the dentist next morning. I could not get what I wanted out of her without getting something more, which I did not want. I wanted immediate relief from pain; but I could not get it without having my teeth set permanently right. And I knew those dentists: I knew they started fiddling about with all sorts of other teeth which had not yet begun to ache. They would not let sleeping dogs lie, if you gave them an inch they took an ell.

Now, if I may put it that way, Our Lord is like the dentists. If you give Him an inch, He will take an ell. Dozens of people go to Him to be cured of some one particular sin which they are ashamed of (like masturbation or physical cowardice) or which is obviously spoiling daily life (like bad temper or drunkenness). Well, He will cure it all right: but He will not stop there. That may be all you asked; but if once you call Him in, He will give you the full treatment. That is why he warned people to 'count the cost' before becoming Christians. 'Make no mistake,' He says, 'if you let me, I will make you perfect. The moment you put yourself in My hands, that is what you are in for. Nothing less, or other than that. You have free will, and if you choose, you can push Me away. But if you do not push Me away, understand that I am going to see this job through. Whatever suffering it may cost you in your earthly life, whatever inconceivable purification it may cost you after death, whatever it costs Me, I will never rest, nor let you rest, until you are literally perfect-until my Father can say without reservation that He is well pleased with you, as He said He was well pleased with me. This I can do and will do. But I will not do anything less.'"

What I don't understand is why we in the church are always wanting to pass judgement on others based on where they are in this process. I guess I'm particularly sensitive about Christians with sexual struggles.

More Lewis...

"And yet - this is the other and equally important side of it - this Helper who will, in the long run, be satisfied with nothing less than absolute perfection, will also be delighted with the first feeble, stumbling effort you make tomorrow to do the simplest duty. The practical upshot is this. On the one hand, God's demand for perfection need not discourage you in the least in your present attempts to be good, or even in your present failures. Each time you fall He will pick you up again. And He knows perfectly well that your own efforts are never going to bring you anywhere near perfection. On the other hand, you must realise from the outset that the goal towards which He is beginning to guide you is absolute perfection; and no power in the whole universe, except you yourself, can prevent Him from taking you to that goal This is what you are in for. "

God has been dealing with me about some things lately. Pressing me to come in closer. It's risky and difficult. But onward I go.

grace

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Ancient

Yesterday son#3 was eating his dinner. He puts Ranch Dressing on everything but hey, at least he's eating. He says, "Mom, did they not have Ranch when you were a little girl? Did you have to make it yourself and use buttermilk?" I answered, "Yes, as a matter of fact we did, and it only came in those little packets not in bottles. How did you know that?" He replied, "Because it says here on the bottle, made the old-fashioned way, with buttermilk."

Old-fashioned. Huh.

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Pray

I'm attempting to keep my mind in prayer, and praying out loud as I'm cooking and what-not for those about to be hit with this latest hurricane. Since I have no TV I only know what I've read on the internet and heard from others. This is one of the few times I wish I could watch television. It's difficult to continue to praise God and give him glory when things go badly. But that's what we are called to do. He is sovereign. I'm reminded of this song,

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shinning down on me
When the world's all that it should be
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

grace

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Blended Family, Cont.

Where was I?

The "step" children. I don't consider them step-children mainly because I don't see the point in it. If I hadn't intended to love them as if they belonged to me I'd not have married my husband in the first place. I married them when I married him. Unfortunate for them, but nice for me, is the fact that their "real" mother is in another state and rarely ever contacts them. So, I'm it. And they've been so awesome to allow me to be "it" for them. I recognize that I can never replace her, but I can do all that I can to "mother" them as much as they will allow me. And they've allowed me pretty much free reign in that area. I've never felt uncomfortable loving them physically or disciplining them.

In fact, I have, what is to me, a touching example of the way they've willingly accepted me as their mom. I'll preface this story by saying that if I hadn't felt completely comfortable in this role I'd never have done what I did in this situation.

When we married the youngest of the two was 6. My youngest was 5. They've always been quite a pair when it comes to getting into mischief. It's one of those, what one doesn't think of the other will scenarios. Their personalities and temperaments are exactly opposite but they truly complement one another. It's pretty cool. I was, in those formative years, a "spare the rod and spoil the child" advocate. Which means, I spanked, and particularly if their safety or someone else's was involved. They are all much too old to spank now.

The offense on this occasion was crossing the busy street in front of our house instead of staying in the boundary of the side street. This was a big problem when we first married and a rule they kept pushing. Finally, I'd had it with catching them going across that street and I steeled myself to do what I knew had to be done. I'd never spanked my youngest step-son before but I felt it necessary to enforce my point and I couldn't spank one and not the other.
So I put on my stern face and posture and called them in from outside. I told them I was done with them disobeying the crossing the street rule and they needed to each go in my room and lean over the bed. They knew what this meant and the wailing ensued. I was not detered. I followed them into the room and they leaned over the bed while I went to the closet to get the belt. I gave my own son the first 2 swats. He cried in an escalated manner and left the room. Then, my new little son did something so sweet. He stopped wailing just long enough to turn around and give me the sweetest look, eye to eye. That look said it all. I heard loud and clear from him, "thank you for loving me and being a mom and spanking me when I need it." It was as if he felt honored to be spanked. I gave him the two swats, he cried, then hugged me before leaving the room. Later, they both apologized and promised not to do it anymore. Which I don't think they did. At least not that I was aware of!

My sons have all told me since that my spankings never did hurt that much. I don't know if they're just being "tough" now or what.

But that's how it's been from the start with my "step" sons. They've made it easy for me.

I guess what it all boils down to with blended families is the same thing with any family. It's about relationships. We can't use pre-conceived notions about what it's supposed to look like to guide what we do. We just have to take each child and each situation one at a time and do what needs to be done to get through it. It's challenging most of the time. It might be blending, but it's like blending a milkshake that's full of chocolate chunks and nuts, it's not ever going to be completely smooth. At least not at our house.

grace

Blended Family

I don't like the term "blended family". I use it, because I know that people understand what I mean by it. But I don't like the connotation it has for me. It makes it sound like you can just put two families together, and, if you do it correctly, it will come out smooth, like a milkshake. There is nothing smooth about putting two households of children together even IF you do all the right things. It takes an enormous amount of give and take from everyone involved.

For us, we had to come to the realization that the probability of everyone bonding together into a homogenized, preconceived notion of happy, well-adjusted, Brady Bunch bliss is zero. It's just not gonna happen. We've found that the closest you can come to happiness, which sometimes just means sanity in a household like this, is for each person to work on each relationship with each other person individually and make it the best it can be. And then, whatever it is, be content with that and just keep going.

We are fortunate in many ways. My ex-husband and I get along very well. We still disagree in major ways involving the boys, and yet, we've learned that neither one of us is going to change the other's mind or personality and so we let it go. It usually looks like this. He will call me up ranting about some thing that he's upset about concerning one of the kids. Something he knows good and well I don't agree with. It used to be that I was too lenient with the oldest in the amount of time I allowed him to be with his friends and not with the family. And he goes on and on for a while, even cussing at times, and I listen patiently. And then finally, he'll say, "I know you don't agree with any of this." And I'll say, "No, I don't. I think he's perfectly normal and doing fine." Or something like that. Sometimes I may actually agree with small parts of what he says and I'll acknowledge that. But I never fight or argue. And then, finally, he'll say, "Ok. Well, I guess I'll talk to you later." And that's the end of that.

It's never good when one of the kids is on the other end of one of these conversations but their personalities make it harder for one than the other. The oldest has a much easier time just realizing that his dad has to "vent" every now and then and that it will all blow over. He's more like me in that way. The youngest worries more and has a harder time not internalizing any sort of discord that he perceives. I used to be more like that so I think there's hope for him. :)

I'm going to stop for now even though I've got so much more to write about all this. Haven't even touched on my relationship with the other two who are actually "step" children, although you'd never know it. I'll do that later. I had a meeting away from campus today and was able to come home for lunch. woo hoo! more later...

grace

Confession

OK....in the last post I put forth how "pristine" (not) we are because we don't allow the absolute waste of time and total junk that is television into our home. Today, I'm going to confess my stupid waste of time habit that I've somehow gotten into during the past year or so.

Mind you, I read....ALOT. I'm always reading at least two books at once. Usually a novel and some sort of Christian apologetic or something of that nature. (notice how i set this up by talking about how GOOD i am) But, I have this weird interest in reading the stupid US Weekly gossip magazine.

I hate it. It's stupid. I know that. But WHY.....why in the WORLD do I give a rip about Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Jessica Simpson, or Brittany Spears when I have YET to see, on-purpose hear, or in any way pay money to promote any of the projects any of them have ever been involved in? I honestly don't know any of the songs they sing, (don't they all sing?) or have never seen any of the movies (haven't they all been in a movie) they've been in.

I know I like seeing what clothes they are wearing. I do know that. But there's more to it than that. I guess.....I guess I like watching them.....thinking out loud here.....I like watching them screw up. Because they always do. No matter how glamorous it all sounds, they just move from one screw up to the next. All of them. Eventually. Why do I pleasure myself by reading about that and watching it? I guess I get some sort of confirmation from watching a bunch of people who always look awesome and yet inside there's a mess going on.

My husband says it's the one thing I do that lets him know that I'm "real". Ha. Ha. As if I haven't done/said enough other things in our marriage for him to know that.

I really need to get past this. It's a total waste of time and money.

grace

TV

We don't have TV at our house. We have a TV and we do rent movies every weekend, but we don't have cable or any way of being able to see regular television. It's been that way for the entire 6 years we've been married. The boys don't even complain about it. It's like we all just moved in here and never got it hooked up. It's been a really good thing for us. The boys play outside in the afternoons; riding bikes, skateboarding, shooting baskets, or playing football in an empty lot nearby. Or, they play inside setting up little towns with blocks and cars or playing with the RISK soldiers in ways that have nothing to do with the actual game. Looking back on it, I think the fact that we've never had TV has been the biggest influence in our boys bonding as "brothers". It's caused them to spend more time interacting with one another.

My husband and I know for a fact that we are more productive because of it. People often ask us how we are able to accomplish as much as we do with so many kids, and we tend to believe it's because we don't have TV. We both love TV. During the times we do get to travel one of our greatest pleasures is watching it. It still seems like a total waste of time but being on vacation makes it okay to waste time.

But lately, we've been thinking about getting it. Cable or something. We're thinking that if we get the TIVO thing, where we can limit ourselves to just certain shows (i really don't even know what i'm talking about but i think that's the way it works) that maybe it would be okay. Then it would be sort of the same as renting movies.

The boys know we're considering it and of course they're all for it. Which is actually a vote against it for us! I don't want to have to "manage" it and I'm thinking it would turn into that.

We'll see.

grace

Overheard Today

Three 6th grade boys were talking as they worked on their art in my class today.

Boy#1: Wouldn't it be awesome if we were just born knowing everything?

Boy#2: Really.

Boy#3: No, it wouldn't.

Boy#1: Why not?

Boy#3: 'Cause that would just be gay.

I really just hate how they use that word. OH well.

I did overhear something else later in the day. Two 4th grade boys this time. Not the most talented artistically and this is totally judgemental on my part but they both look and act like they probably go home and watch a few rounds of pro-wrestling every night with their dads. Sorry, they just do. ANYWAY, they were just painting and cutting and gluing and working so well, and one looks at the other and says "I think I'm really startin' to love art."

That made my day.

grace

California Update

Things seem to be going well for son #1 out in California. I feel like I actually communicate more often and more meaningfully with him now than I ever did before. Funny how that works.

All the little guys now have MSN chat IDs and get on in the evening and talk with him a little. He's been really good so far to take the time for them.

He got me a bit worried last week because my husband and I had both chatted with him online and he was a little down....said that he really liked it out there but he just misses his friends alot and hates being too far away to be able to see them for such long stretches of time. He said he didn't feel like he was making friends there like the ones he left. Of course we both consoled him and told him it was normal and reminded him of how it takes time and experiences to build those sorts of friendships....that it would come. My husband told him that from what he'd observed he knew that people are drawn to him because of his caring heart and accepting attitude. And so, our conversation ended that day with me a bit worried about him.

Then, two days later, he calls me up and says "Mom, I'm thinking about doing the overseas program next year, what do you think about that?"

Go figure.

grace

Monday

It has been one of THOSE days, let me tell you. I spent the better part of the day scrambling and then worried literally SICK over the fact that I could find NONE of my documents (representing gazillions of hours of time) on the server where they are always stored on our school network. I left having still not found them. Fortunately, a technician had my cell phone number because I broke down and CRIED over the phone with the help desk operator. I was pathetic. You'd have thought one of the boys was gushing blood and we were miles from help.

Anyway, the guy called and assured me that he was LOOKING at all my folders and files and even began calling them off to me, opening individual folders and telling me what was there. *whew* I have no idea why my computer failed to access all of that for the ENTIRE day know matter how many times I shut down and restarted! (oh well)

So....I'm a bit frazzled this afternoon. There's actually more but I'm too frazzled to decompress all of it here. Maybe later.

grace

God's Design

We heard John Piper speak this past summer at the Texas Youth Evangelism Conference. We went to hear Casting Crowns not knowing that it was a Baptist Youth Convention, which turned out to be quite humorous to us since we ended up taking one of our church vans and several of our middle school youth. It was a GREAT experience for all of us!

Anyway, we heard John Piper. And I just found this article he wrote regarding the hurricane.

http://www.desiringgod.org/library/fresh_words/2005/090205.html

He's putting on a conference next month on Suffering and the Sovereignty of God. I so wish I could go to that.

grace

Serendipity

I wonderful little thing has occured this morning. My husband and the youngest are out all by themselves taking a run and then going to breakfast. This is a good thing. A very good thing. I'm thanking God for sending this little serendipitous moment our way.

The "blending" of the family (hate that term but that's another entry) happens like this. The two boys on the ends are from my first marriage. 18yr.old and 11yr.old The two boys in the middle are from his first marriage 14yr.old and 12yr.old. The mother of the middle two split way back when and is rarely heard from and never seen. The father of my two is here in town.

The rockiest of all the relationship transitions in the "blending" of this family has occured between the youngest and my husband. Mostly, as we all recognize, because they are so much alike.

As it turns out, the middle two were each invited to spend the night with friends last night. And I was shocked and amazed when #4 didn't immediately start making calls to find someone to come over. But he didn't. He actually called (while i napped yesterday afternoon) my husband at work and made plans for the three of us to go out to eat together last night. And he absolutley relished in the time we had together, getting to be the only child telling stories, asking questions, and making comments. He ate it up. And so did we. This morning they are out having some one-on-one time together. And I am here alone in the house for a bit (yipee!!!) praising God for His constant and abiding faithfulness which is so evident to me in something as simple as all this.

grace

Gay is the new Stupid

Anyone who has kids knows that the word "gay" has become a part of the lexicon of today's youth. As in, "you're gay", "that's so gay", or just plain "GAY!" There's no actual comment about sexual preference being implied when they use the word "gay". The word I can most closely relate it to, based on hearing it a mulitpilicity of times and insterting another word, is "stupid".

When I first started hearing "gay" used this way I was shocked and appalled. It was highly offensive to me then because I still associated it with being degrading toward gay people. I found it appalling to think kids were calling each other "gay" when I know how hurtful it can be, particularly for adolescents who may be struggling with their sexuality, or, if they're not struggling with it, certainly don't want to be accused of struggling with it. It just seems over-the-top rude to me. Or it did.

But now, I find myself frustrated because I've become so accustomed to hearing "gay" that I don't even consider it a big deal anymore. It's use has become second nature to an entire generation of young people. It's never meant as a compliment, but it's become so normal that it's not really that great of an insult either, if that makes sense.

I asked my gay friend if he was greatly offended by it's use and he said "no". He basically said that it wasn't that big a deal to him. I'm almost wondering if the using of it, even in this negative context, is somehow normalizing the whole issue.

Just thinking out loud.
grace

Life in the Sports Lane

I love ironic twists in life. The whole sports thing is just such a twist in our lives.

Neither my husband or I grew up being all that great at sports. We both, as fate would have it, grew up in families who revelled in sports and in our siblings who were so good at them. Not that we're bitter or anything. Not at all. Really. We've worked past it.

We were both blessed with the "curse of creativity" as I sometimes call it. I don't consider it an actual curse. It's just that, in yet another twist of irony, all those sports talented people who were so esteemed in our youth don't get nearly as much attention now that it seems everyone we've ever known, and people we've yet to meet, will need us at some point to; paint a banner, come up with a logo, create a mural, decorate a wedding, design invitations, put on a Chrsitmas musical, or maybe craft an 8ft X 12ft faux stained glass from $6.00 worth of tissue paper. And the list goes on and on....literally. We're a veritable dream team of creativity and talent (ha..ha...ha). But even dream teams need sleep.

The real twist comes when you get to the part where we have these boys. Boys who each and every one are just naturally good at, and inclined to participate in....SPORTS. We both just gaze in amazement at their talents and abilities. I'm not talking full ride scholarship sort of good.(at least I don't think so)...but good enough to make All-Star teams and take coveted spots away from parents (and kids) who actually LIVE for that sort of thing.

Don't get me wrong. We love watching them play. They have a blast and love every minute of it. The thrill of victory, agony of defeat thing is good for them. My husband finds particular glee and even a sort of vengance in the fact that his offspring are so good at something that was a source of pain to him growing up. He "gets into it" a bit more than I do. :)

I've learned (pretty much) the rules of most of the games. My husband loves to tell about the very first 7th grade football game our oldest played in....as quarterback, no less....and at that first play I jumped up and was yelling, "Hey, that boy was pulling on his shirt, is that allowed??? Isn't that a foul or something???" I had no idea they could grab them like that! It still upsets me. Oh well.

And now we're gearing up for another season of Saturdays spent yelling and screaming. But there's hope...

Our 9th grader is in choir and doing quite well and the 6th grader is taking band for the first time (trombone!). The youngest is destined to be an artist, I just know it. We never did get the oldest one bought into any area of fine arts....but there's hope yet because his favorite class right now at Pepperdine is graphic arts.

We shall see. My secret wish is that when they all grow up and get married they have nothing but daughters and spend all their Saturdays at dance recitals and birthday tea parties.

grace

The Last Real Weekend

It was a good weekend. We never make any plans for Labor Day Weekend because it's always the last real weekend before things get insane.

The younger boys all play sports and even though we limit them to one each....with three of them (used to be 4!) the scheduling is just nuts.

Sports parents. There's a blog waiting to be written. It takes every ounce of patience I can muster to hang out with some of these people. The ones who put their entire identity/self-worth (it certainly seeems) into the performance of their children on sports teams. And for some reason, it seems like that sort of thing is magnified in a state like Texas. Maybe it's just that everything's "bigger" here, as they say. Not sure. Maybe it's this way everywhere.

I think I'll write more about it later. Off to work for now.

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Lesson Learned

I"ve learned a bit of parental wisdom I can share this weekend....

Never give a cell phone to a neurotic 11 yr. old.

Not offering any details at the moment as to how this transpired....but believe me....this is good advice. Heed it or suffer the bitter wrath of frustration that we here suffer. You've been warned.

grace

Real LOVE brings TRUST

If you've read much of what I've written the words LOVE and TRUST seem to emerge frequently. No matter what I'm writing about. I'm seeing/sensing a pattern here....

particularly concerning the GAY/ex-gay/SSA/NOT gay/ contingent....

I do believe the burden of change as far as behavior toward the "other" side goes, lies squarely in the lap of CHRISTIANS who maintain that sex with people of the same gender is a sin (which is what I believe) And yet....

I'm saying WE need to change at this point more than THEY do. That's hard teaching.

Mind you now....I'm not saying THEY don't need to change or woudn't eternally benefit from change. But I'm saying the SAME THING to us at the same time. WE need to change first and we will eternally benefit from this change.

The burden is on US to change how we relate to them.
Basically, to actually take on the spirit of the ONE who saved us from our OWN brokenness and LOVE them with HIS love. Unconditionally. Whether they agree with us or not.

I think WE are afraid to change and love because we don't TRUST God enough to take care of the outcomes. We are SO AFRAID that it might turn out that it's "okay to be gay" or some thing like that. WE don't trust our own GOD enough to love others in the way that Christ loved...uninhibited...full on....LOVE. With no guarantee or even a promise of the love being returned. Why is that so foreign to us as Christians when it was ALL that Jesus was ever about??

And then there's this...

Just finished that last post on what I love about boys...and no sooner had I finished than I received this text message on my phone from my husband and boys, who by some freaky luck on their part recieved a company executive's 50 yard line tickets and VIP parking to a Dallas Cowboys preseason televised game tonight....

Boys on tv...i knew they'd spot 'em! we're too close and they are so cute..haha...ly...having fun..you'd hate it..it's sweltering and smelly:)

I really just love it that all my boys can go have smelly and sweltering fun and I don't have to feel the least bit guilty about not having been a part of it.

grace

Boys, Cont...

3) Boys like other boys. This is a huge generalization. I realize that. But, I do have 4 of them and they are each VERY different and unique, so keep in mind that all of my generalizations are being made with the experience of watching 4 very different ones growing up. And, for the MOST part (not always but definitely more often than not) boys can figure out a way to be content, have fun, whatever, around other boys. Regardless of their interests, personalities, proclivities, looks, or EVEN athletic ability....my boys, each one, have at least casual friends of all different stripes. There is like a secret code of "boydom" that seems to supercede all other societal laws or norms. Maybe it IS a societal norm, I don't know. I swear, you could put any one of my four in a room with even the most "opposite of them" boy you could find and after 2 hours time they could come out saying "he's pretty cool". I'm not saying this sentiment would necessarily be permanent or long-lasting....but for that given amount of time, they'd find a way to connect based solely on the fact that they are BOYS.

4) Boys are more literal. For the typical boy, you don't really need a degree in psychology to figure out when there's some sort of problem. You don't have to wonder if maybe there's a problem, or, is this just "how boys are" like I seem to hear (and see in my teaching experience) with girls. Boys tend to act out in ways that are more visible to the naked eye. Two of our four are much more manipulative and inward as a general rule, but even THEY leave signs that may as well be plastered in neon letters across billboards alerting us to the fact that they are struggling in some way. It looks like to me (from what I've experienced) that boys don't multi-task as effortlessly as girls do...and so....things fall apart or get disrupted more quickly with them when there's "something afoot" emotionally.

5) Boys find girls to be mysterious, odd, and even spooky at times. I love this. This has been of great pleasure to me because my boys have all come to an age where they've actually figured out that I am a GIRL. So....I have some knowledge, some insight, some bits of wisdom, which might help them operate more successfully around these mysterious creatures. I love this. It's not like they come and actually ASK for my advice (very uncool). However, they will say particular things to me about their interactions with girls and then listen very closely to what I have to say in response. It's awesome.

6) My boys encourage me to be ME. This may not apply to all boys....none of this may, actually, since it's just based on my personal experience....but...my particular boys are very supportive of anything I do that's seperate from them and defines me outside of being their mom. When I spend time doing things outside their scope of activities.....my art, my friends, women's church activities, writing this blog....anything....they are SO encouraging. I'm not sure why they do it because I've not gone about teaching them this. But they support and encourage me in any and everything that I might attempt to do. They are just so awesome that way. That may not be a "boy" thing. Hopefully it's not because it's my very favorite thing about them and I hope that mothers of girls are not getting short changed in this area. Surely not.

grace