I'm talking about arrested development in the realm of reparative therapy. In reparative therapy world(not to be confused with the real world), arrested development is at the heart of every struggler's battle with his same sex attractions.
Here's where the theory breaks down. According to the basic tenants of reparative therapy, as a person overcomes these issues of arrested development, they will lose their same sex desires and become heterosexual in orientation. Right. Saying such a thing is like saying that all heterosexual men are developed past the age of 12. HA! We all know THAT'S not the case!
I've come to the conclusion that pretty much all of the more bizarre aspects of the reparative therapy Tdub participated in (all the things that made it different from regular therapy: the holding, touching, cradling, etc...) were not only ineffective at reducing same sex desires but harmful in that the boundaries of client trust and ethical practice were often broken or skewed to the point that they were unrecognizable.
What about the ex-gays who are happily married and claim they've overcome homosexuality? My response is, what about it? Even those folks, for the most part, are honest enough to admit that at best, their same sex attractions have decreased to the point that they are not significant enough to keep them from maintaining a healthy opposite sex marriage. That's still a far cry from making a complete exchange of same sex attractions for opposite sex ones. Or, to put it more clearly, of changing from gay to straight. Furthermore, I have absolutely nothing against ex-gays OR their marriages. I know the commitment it takes to keep it together and I actually applaud them for doing so, particularly in cases where they have committed to raising their children together.
I've made the statement before that reparative therapy works as long as the person keeps doing it. I still agree with that for the most part. If there is such a thing as good reparative therapy, I see it as basically a bunch of strategies to assist guys in managing their same sex attractions to a point that they are able to remain celibate or stay married to a woman.
And that, dear friends, is what I think about that. In case anyone was wondering.
And, if you're wondering where all this is coming from, just out of the blue.....well....it's just coming out of the blue as I continue to process the experiences of the past several years.
love and grace,
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