Sunday, December 31, 2006

Heart-Shaped Rocks

This is my little collection of heart-shaped rocks.
It's pretty cool. I've been collecting these for many years. It's not something I'm fanatical about, as you can see by the small number of them. I started out with two (I found the big one first and that's what got me started) that I found during a picnic the boys and I were on back when Drew was barely walking. Since then, I find one just every now and then. Daniel and Drew have each stumbled onto one and brought it to me over the years, which makes those really special. There's not many things that could get any sweeter than having your son bring you a heart-shaped rock. I recommend heart-shaped rock collections to all mothers and fathers.

love and grace,

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Thursday, December 28, 2006

The Boys

Everyone wants to know how the boys are doing. So do I.

It's not Daniel and Drew that we're as concerned about as the other two. I won't reveal their names. They do not belong to me legally and I'm relatively certain Tdub would not approve.

Tdub has always been a great parent. He was KNOWN all over this community as "the dad" before we married. I'm not exaggerating. I have documentation. (i hope this isn't reading with a sarcastic tone...i'm being totally and utterly sincere here) I remain certain that he is taking good care of their physical and emotional needs to the best of his ability.

However, there is no way that processing all they've had to process in the amount of time they've had to process it, is healthy for them. And yet, here we are. They are two of the most resilient young men I've ever met or ever will meet. I'm convinced of that.

From all that I can see, they are fine. Number three (13 yrs. old) spends at least one night a week here with us, sometimes more. We used to call he and Drew "the twins" because they are so close in age, and they both miss all the "playtime" they used to have together. Number two (getting close to 16 yrs. old) is busier with friends and activities of his own. He's at the age where being at either of our homes is not his first choice or even possible much of the time. I did see him tonight for the first time this holiday and he looked great. We had a nice visit and "caught up" on what's been going on since school let out. He'll probably be over tomorrow to spend the night here.

So, there's the update on the guys. I know for a fact that many of you wonder about them.

Daniel and Drew are very upset with me right now because they know that I'm considering relocating after this school year is over. There's just SO much here in our still-small-in-many-ways community that has transpired during the 21 years I've been here. It may be time for a fresh start in a new place. We'll see. The boys are LIVID that I'm considering such a thing. But, we'll get through it, whatever happens.

I'll get some more pictures out with the next post.

love and grace,

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Tuesday, December 26, 2006


No Dear.....THIS is SCARY! No eyeliner needed.
I hope you're using some sort of mask every know it's an essential component of your skin care regime! heehee! I love you Jay!
*this post is a response to jay's comment on my last post...
i'm so gonna LOVE having this camera!!

Unsmudged Grace


Now, dear readers, you can put an unsmudged face to my name/s.

The digital camera is GRRRRRREEEAAAT! It does do short video clips as out! (once I figure it all out, that is) I'll try not to go too insane with the puppy pics....but....goodness, he's only young once!

Introducing....SPARKY! The best therapy I've had in a loooooong time! :)

And finally, Grace/Pam, Daniel(19), Drew(12), Sparky(3mos.)

We had a lovely Christmas. We'll get to spend some time with the other two boys during the remainder of this week. All is well.

love and grace,

Friday, December 22, 2006

Humbling Exchange

You know, I consider myself to be a reasonable "hip" sort of mom. I can keep up at least seventy-five percent of the time in a teenage conversation without having to "fake" that I know what the heck they're talking about. Furthermore, I choose to spend a good deal of my "leisure" time attending youth group functions as a sponsor and I spend all day working with 7th graders. I'm relatively "in the know" with that crowd for a 43-year-old woman.

Still, there's nothing more humbling than the fact that my own children think I'm an idiot. It's a sort of "term of endearment" idiocy that they ascribe to me. Oh, don't get me wrong, they'd never come right out and say "Mom, you're an idiot." It's much more subtle. Here is a sample:

Drew: (sitting at the computer) "Mom, come over here, I want you to see this cool video."

I walk over to the computer....and then....just before he clicks on the big black triangle to play it....he turns, looks at me, and says...

"It's Michael Jordan, you know who that is.....right?"

I wanted to say, "No Drew, remember, I've been living in a giant mom-cave for the past 19 years emerging only occasionally and just long enough to make the next batch of grilled cheese sandwiches." But, I didn't. I did have to pause though. And then I replied calmly that yes, I indeed know who Michael Jordan is.

We're heading to Oklahoma in just a bit. I hope my tiny pea-sized brain can remember how to work the controls in the car. ;)

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Thursday, December 21, 2006

Getting Through Christmas

This scripture just keeps popping out to me share it. Maybe it will encourage someone else as well. The holidays, overall, are going well. I'm staying busy and I'll leave here and spend some time with my parents tomorrow. I just don't think about past holidays, it's not a very healthy thing right now. Just gotta stay in the moment and enjoy the fact that I'm alive and growing (hopefully) for yet another Christmas. I'm also REALLY looking forward to that digital camera my parents are going to give me! (I'm so bad!)

2 Corinthians 4:8,9

"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body."

My hope remains that through all of this, and even in my sarcastic nature of a wit, I will continue to reveal the life of Jesus in my body. Even though I can't do it perfectly, like He did, I can keep trying.

Merry Christmas!

love and grace,

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Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Education and Sexuality

One of the perks to gaining significant and life-altering experiences is that you begin to amass this sort of catalogue of reference material. Or at least you do if you're like me. Things just all start to connect after a while in various and sundry ways. One connection I've made lately, actually about 30 minutes ago when I woke UP thinking about it, is the similarity between the way people speak about subjects like education and sexuality.

My first 14 years of teaching were spent in first and second grades. Those are the tender years when parents hold many beliefs about their offspring very similar to that very same child's belief in Santa. Somehow what looked like "genius" sort of behavior in those early years begins to swiftly deduct I.Q. points around 7th or 8th grade. I speak from experience here. When you teach first and second graders, every parent is an expert. Their credentials are nothing more than the fact that they've managed to produce said offspring and that they themselves once attended a public school of learning. And many of these parents will speak with great authority. Much of the time it was profoundly stupid authority, and yet they were certain beyond any doubt, of their knowledge of education in general. Their opinions would run the gamut from "kids need to sit down, be quiet, and read and write all day long" to "children need to be free to express themselves, move about freely, and be always and forever active in their learning." There's some wisdom somewhere in-between all that, yet many first grade teachers have to spend as much time educating parents as they do children. By the time the kid gets to middle school, most parents seem to throw their hands in the air then get down on their knees and thank God there's a place to send that little darling every day where other adults are willing to spend some time with them.

I'm finding that folks speak with a similar sort of self-appointed authority about the subject of sexuality. Now that I'm going through this ordeal, it seems everyone and their pet canary has an opinion about "the gays". Unfortunately, most of the canaries only know the words "queer" and "faggot"....but still, that says something. (i'm being outrageously sarcastic's very therapeutic for me) It does amaze me though, how people with nothing more than sexual body parts and the blessing of never having had to deal with any of this crap in any really meaningful sort of fashion, speak as if they've got it all figured out. Heck, I've practically read a library on it, spent countless hours ruminating, reflecting, and discussing it with all SORTS of people, attempted to literally LOVE someone through it, and I still don't have it much figured out. Oh to be so wise.

And here I find myself at yet another point of compassion for gays, ex-gays, or anyone considering anything remotely like any of the above. Goodness gracious me.

love and grace,

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Sunday, December 17, 2006

Velvet Elvis

I'm reading this book called Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell. I bought it late yesterday afternoon and if I hadn't been so tired last night and then had church this morning, I'd be done with it by now. In fact, I'm almost done.

I love it.

I'm convinced by what I've read so far that Rob Bell is describing very much the sort of thing that's been going on here at this blog and with my friends like Peterson (and basically everyone else in my links).

At the beginning of the book he compares the Christian journey to his jumping up and down on the trampoline with his children. The springs are like the "doctrine" but they are not static. They make us bounce and fly on the mat and particularly so when we jump together and our different leverages at one point or another shoot one of us to a height or "revelation" that perhaps we've never achieved or imagined before. Being Christians together is about questions, discussions, and the endless search for the mysteries inherent in our very creation. It's not about arguing who is right or wrong, in or out. In fact, it's not about arguing at all. It is about living in "the way" of Christ.

I'll probably write more about it after I finish it. Of course, I highly recommend it. I'm pretty sure it's not going to mention anything at all about being gay, and yet, it sounds like it might contain the sort of wisdom easily applied to those who may be struggling with the idea of Christians who are also gay.

I think if you'll follow that link and read the pages that they allow on the Amazon site, you'll be intrigued.

love and grace,

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Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Dang! It's Been a While

*a very wise friend advised me that I should "ammend" this post a bit...which I've done. I'm reading a new book and I'll have a brand spanking new post up about something completely different later this afternoon* Thanks for your prayers. I'm doing great....vacation started Friday! :) (wise friend, yeah, you...the one who NEVER comments on my blog anymore....could you email me again and let me know how this is?;)

Good gravy. I'm such a blogging slob. Not a good thing. If I'm not's bad.
*note that*

Here's the low-down. I'm an extremely creative RIGHT-BRAINED....(totally) person... I'm right-brained to the point of deficiency as it pertains to left-brained sorts of activities. For real.


So. I'm working for a SUPREMELY left-brained principal. And, every time he comes in my room he's blown AWAY and AMAZED at the sorts of things he sees 7th graders doing, saying, sharing, etc..... He's a wonderful man, actually. Personally and professionally.

Jay....hear this. Be prepared for this. Education can be very challenging for folks like us. And yet. I love it. I love kids. I love teaching. I love love love being in the classroom every day.

And I'm having a horrible time right now.


love and grace,

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Saturday, December 02, 2006

Blogging Funk

I apologize for the recent blogging funk. Please say you've noticed. ;)

Maybe if I write about it my creative juices will flow again....or maybe it's just my willingness to be transparent about some of the current happenings of my life. There's a "teaser" for anyone interested.

The puppy has captured my heart. He is absolutely a joy and a pleasure. I'm loving training him, and he's doing really well with it. He loves to run through the leaves in the our little back yard; his ears flapping behind him, tail wagging, and short stubby legs carrying him in short, swift leaps. I'm getting a digital camera for Christmas from my I PROMISE to start posting some pictures after Christmas. I'm looking forward to that.

The divorce proceedings are sort of at a standstill right now. There are a few things in the paperwork I'm unsure of, so I need to have it all looked over by a professional. For some reason, and it's not because I'm stalling about getting a divorce, I just keep dragging my feet on that. I just don't feel like dealing with it, and yet, I need to deal with it and get it all going. I wish there were a lawyer who read my blog who could come down here and help me with all this crap!!!! *big wink to my buddy Robert*

I live on a busy street with one long row of duplexes that ALL look exactly alike. Aside from the fact that one set is painted sherbert coral and another baby mint green...thank the LORD we got a regular offwhite one, it's very difficult to remember exactly which house you actually live in . But not anymore. I'm the winner of the Christmas lights and display contest that we didn't have on our street. :)

Hope all is well with you and yours.

love and grace,

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