Wednesday, May 10, 2006


It's been quite the afternoon. I can't write about it yet. I'm still reeling from it emotionally and need to process a bit more....I haven't even processed through it with Tdub yet. I will write about it later. I did have "the talk" with son#1 and Tulip. More on that later.

Here's a question. Please comment. Let me know what you think about this. What if.....we are born not really sexually attracted to any certain gender in particular. What if.....we are born with certain personality traits and temperament.....and.....according to the way we are raised (or, "yanked up" as I've humorously heard it put), we develop our sexuality. There's such a myriad of sexual preferences out there. Really. That would explain genetics and biology playing a factor and dispell the issue of there actually being a "choice", wouldn't it? Maybe not. I'm just, again, thinking out loud (in type) here.

Gotta run.

Keep praying for me...I DO appreciate it.

love to all,

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Christine said...

Will do (with the prayers). I am still thinking about your question but am on my way out of town. Why I'm actually still on the computer is beyond me. I'll try to answer when I return.

Mel said...

I do think it's possible we are born with a particular tendency. I believe more and more that nature has a lot to do with our behavior (I have adopted children plus biological children and would have to be blind not to notice the difference in behavior which can't be explained by their upbringing).

kurt_t said...

As a youngster, I always thought that sexual orientation was just something a person was born with, because, experientially, for me, that was how it happened. I just was just SSA'd, as we say, from earliest memory.

As I got older my experiences seemed to support that theory because I met so many gay people who came from all different kinds of backgrounds-- rich, poor, strict, permissive, dysfunctional, supportive, urban, rural, Catholic, Mormon, Jewish, freethinking, divorced parents, married parents, swinger parents, you name it.

So my belief, or bias, or whatever you want to call it is that our sexual attractions have a strictly biological/neurological origin.

kurt_t said...

Wait. That's not exactly what I meant to say. I meant to say I believe that sexual orientation has a strictly biological/neurological origin. That's not the same thing as attraction, I think.

Shannon said...

hi, grace. I've read your blog a few times. I've never commented but I've always liked the approach that you have. Anyway, I was just reading your last few posts about your son. I'm a 21 year old female who has had similar conversations with my parents. I'm not sure I have any advice to offer, but I can certainly understand your son's perspective. I don't know what your particular talks have been like with your sons in the past, but my parents gave me a series of sex lectures when I was 20. In all honesty, I thought it was a little rediculous. The talks were what I would expect a parent to give someone who's about 14. When I never got a lecture from them on the subject I thought it wasn't going to ever happen. By the time they did bring sex up, it had been a considerable time since I had lost my virginity. They also completely omitted anything about pregnancy prevention and instead focused on all of the bad things that could happen if I were to have sex. So I'm glad you at least brought up pregnancy prevention with your son. You also seem to be being realistic when you say you know you can't stop them from having sex, which is good. I guess the only thing that you really can do is give your position and then do nothing. When my parents brought up the subject with me I didn't really speak in complete sentences either. The reason was because I was so shocked. I honestly didn't think that they thought I was that naive. I didn't expect them to know I'd had sex since I purposely didn't let them in on that part of my life, but I really didn't understand why they thought that the stuff they told me was anything that would be helpful. I don't know if I'll ever have kids, but if I do, that is one subject that I will not look forward to dealing with. I don't really know how I would handle it, but definately avoid dealing with it over email - that's what my dad used. I think he thought it would be easier, but it just made me feel like he didn't have the guts to face me. I hope it works out okay for your family.

grace said...

Thanks everyone for your comments and continued prayers. I'm a bit behind on everything right now. Yesterday afternoon my overhead screen (a large metal thing) fell from the ceiling in my room and bonked me in the head giving me a large lump and a slight concussion. I'm fine. Going back to school today. But, just didn't have any time at all to reply to any of this last night. Will do so later!
much love,

disputed mutability said...

OUCH! That must have hurt!

As far as your question goes, all I know is that I don't know. My hunch is that the origins of our "sexual preferences" are very complicated, like you suggest. But it's just a hunch.

I mean, I can remember always feeling different, but did I *discover* that my differentness was all about being gay, or did I just start to interpret it that way, for whatever reason? I just don't know.

Still praying!

ColeWake said...


I am gay, but I think that has to do more with how I was born, than raised, I am the only gay child out of five (well, one is too young to have self-indentified).
However, I think there is a segment of the population that are born somewhere in the middle of gay and straight. I think for them enviroment can play a factor, but its probably more about who they first connect with (boy or girl) than anything.

I think it is this segment where we get most of our bisexuals and ex-gays. If you have even a slight SSA as a teen it could be easy to get caught up and not realize your OSA until your were older. Of course, it works both ways.

I am gay, and while I can't say I have never found a woman attractive, I can say I feel solid in my identity. In fact, I honestly feel that this is what God made me. But no matter what anyone says the sexuality issue is very murky.

grace said...

Thanks everyone for your thoughts so far. I like what Cole said "no matter what anyone says the sexuality issue is very murky". It really is. Hence, the questioning. Which, is fine. It's the arguing, name-calling, and outright unChrist-like behavior about it that gets to me most. The bottom line, for me, is this; I believe same sex acts are sinful (NO MORE sinful than my sinful acts) and yet God LOVES us and sent His son to reclaim us for Himself. Those who believe otherwise, that God designed some people to be attracted to the same sex....also believe in God's love. (I'm speaking of the Christians here) We are free entities that way and, in the end, we can believe whatever we want. He gave us that choice. What we believe doesn't change absolute truth. It does have the potential to change our relationship with our creator....but....again, that's something we each have to work out for ourselves.

I'm rambling now. But thanks again for the comments. I'm feeling a bit better this morning but sporting a lovely black eye. Tdub better be nice to me or I'll start telling people he punched me! ha!


Steve Boese said...

Hey Grace... good question!

Answering it took me in unexpected directions, which I talk through at my blog.

Take care...

grace said...

Thanks Steve! I'll go check that out!