Saturday, May 06, 2006

Tough Times

I can't convey to you how much I wish I had something cute and funny to write about.

But I don't.

What do you do with an 18 (almost 19) yr.-old son who is sexually active with his teenage girlfriend? I'll let you know when I figure it out. We're having a sit-down talk this afternoon.

Oh.....and this whole thing was precluded by a father (his father) who about a year ago told him he thought it would be better if he had sexual experience with girls before marriage. I'm not sure what quality or virtue was working in him (the father, my ex-husband) when he called me up later to let me know that this was the advice he'd just given our son. He stated that he thought he'd better let me know since he knew I wouldn't agree with the advice. I replied, "well....thanks," and got off the phone as quickly as I could before running my car off the road and into a ditch. He's lucky I didn't drive it straight to his place of business and ram right through the front glass window. I did speak to my son about the advice his father had given him and he assured me, at that time, that he had no intention of becoming sexually active. I told him then, "You know, it's going to be very difficult, when you do find yourself in a certain situation at some point, not to take your dad's advice. I'm afraid the things I'm telling you now are not going to be the over-riding voice that's playing in your head at that time." I was right.

So. Pray that I'll have wisdom. I love my son with my whole being. I'm sad that we're having this talk and yet I feel I must discuss these things with him. His girlfriend is coming too. My love for her is also intense and I hurt for her that she's given herself away to my son this way. And yet, I know it's very common.

The question I'm asking myself now is "What do you hope to accomplish by having such a conversation with them?" Realistically, I can't make them stop having sex. And yet, hopefully I can give them a more realistic grasp of the gravity of their actions as it could and does affect their future, with or without each other. They have crossed a line that isn't easily redrawn. I also hope to show them what it looks like to love one another even when the choices of your loved ones don't line up with God's plan. And maybe give them some strategies for holding themselves accountable should they decide to reclaim the purity of their relationship.

It's been a 48 hrs. The fact that I even know all of this is due to some things that my son did which completely destroyed any trust her parents may have had in him. But they are being very gracious, considering the circumstances.

Just pray for me.

grace


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9 comments:

Christine said...

Grace, you are definitely in my thoughts. I admire how you are going about this...

rw said...

I'll definitely make time to pray for everyone involved.

rob

Anonymous said...

You are living one of my fears. I love how you're handling it and I'm anxious to see how things turn out.

So good to meet you the other day. Thanks for taking time for me and helping me to put to rest one of my other fears.

We'll be praying...

Susan Smith said...

You are in my prayers for God to grant you keen spiritual wisdom and knowledge at this time, Grace. God bless you. (ss)

grace said...

Thank you guys for letting me know you're praying. I believe in prayer! I did talk with just him, not the two of them together yet. I'll write about it later. I just haven't had the opportunity to talk with her yet. Thanks again and KEEP PRAYING as you think about it!

grace

Brett and Jenny Perkins said...

grace,
i just now checked your blog, so I'm a little late, but I am praying for all involved with this situation.
please keep up posted as you have the time and energy.
blessing,
jenny

grace said...

Thank you Jenny! Just knowing you are there....comforts me! :)
love,
grace

Brady said...

Hey Grace. Just saw these two posts. You know, as someone that's out of the teen years by just a few years (ok 7...), this even got to me.

From what you've written, it sounds like you are handling this in a very good way. I can't even imagine what you have running through your head right now. In the end, I think the way you are handling this, and God's way of working through people, will make this all turn out ok. You guys in my prayers too...

grace said...

Thanks Brady. I do appreciate your prayers and your good thoughts.

grace