Wednesday, May 03, 2006

When Gay Friends Get Married

This post will be unsettling to some. That's okay. If you are "unsettled" by it, just click "next blog" or try and remember something I've written that you really liked a whole bunch and think about that.

My friend Brady is getting married. He and his partner are registered at Target and Bed, Bath and Beyond. What should we do with that? What do people who love as Christ loves do with this?

Here's the deal. Brady knows EXACTLY what I believe about his "gayness". Brady was one of the first commenters to my blog and he writes his own blog which is sometimes personal and more often deals with politics as it concerns gay culture. He has been kind to me from the very beginning and he and I have established a "blog friendship". I'm certain that our friendship has caused each of us to "change" at least subtly in the way we deal with others even though we may not have changed significantly in our worldview. Basically, he's still doing what he does and I'm still doing what I do. And yet, we are friends. And I care about Brady. I'd even like to send a gift to Brady. *gasp!* How can that be???? Wouldn't sending a wedding gift to Brady be the same as condoning the marriage???? Would this not send the message that you think same sex relationships are a very good and desirable thing????


And yet, I care about Brady. I love Brady. I want good things for Brady. And....believe it or not, I'm happy for the excitement that I know Brady is feeling, the anticipation of this special event, the depth of emotion that I recognize which is contained in the fact that he is going to actually MARRY this guy. This is a huge deal. And because I can LOVE BRADY even if I don't love his actions that I deem sinful.....I can congratulate him, I can smile when I read about his engagement, I can even buy him a gift. I SEE his happiness in this moment and I am happy with him.

God will judge Brady. God will judge ME...and YOU. God may very well judge me and you based on how we treat those like Brady even when we don't agree with them.


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Elizabeth said...

Well, I think God wants us to tell those within our religion that they're wrong [since I know he's a Christian, too] and outside our religion we're not supposed to judge...[I think I said it right?] but, since he knows your opinion of it, there isn't much else to do but pray about it. I don't think God would judge you for how you treat others even when you disagree unless you wrong him. We're supposed to love everyone. We can love and care for someone and still not agree with them at all.

I hope this helps and that I made sense!

God Bless,

Brady said...

Grace- I got Chills...

Honestly, thanks for writing such a nice post. It describes my feelings exactly on the issue of creating a friendship while disagreeing with someone about a very heart-felt issue.

And you are right, I know that both of us have learned from each other. It's possible to learn and grow while still disagreeing with someone.

Thanks for the post and well wishes. It means a lot (I think more than most people realize).

Dannybrou said...

You make complete sense Grace. I mean.. Do we not buy gifts for women having children out of wedlock? Do we not send flowers to mothers who are divorced on mothers day? Do I not still talk to my dad even though he left my mom? yes, yes and yes. we love them despite their sin. Because God knows..I need all the love I can get despite mine...

grace said...

Elizabeth: I think I'm following you here ;). I think you're right on in that we need to take care not to sin against our brothers as we attempt to be honest and loving with them.

Brady: Thanks for commenting....I mean every word of it...I'm not just using you as "writing fodder" ;). (i didn't think you thought that, btw)

Danny: yep yep yep...we've come to be very inconsistent on some things in our culture, haven't we? Thanks for pointing these things out.


Angie said...

This is a GREAT post! I just got a birthday card from my best friend from childhood. He "came out" shortly after high school, and we've been through a lot in our friendship through the years. There have been some highly emotional discussions about homosexuality, with tears on both sides. But ABOVE ALL we are friends and we love each other.

I can't draw a line as to who is in my religion or out of my religion... The fact is that God is working in all our lives in different ways. And honestly we do judge - everybody. I have "judged" my friend... I have judged his beliefs and actions and lifestyle according to my own (based on scripture, the Holy Spirit and my life experiences). But I am not judgemental (i.e. condemning). That comes from a higher place that I can't speak from.

I am lucky that he didn't turn his back on me during one of those times I felt the need to make sure he "knew where I stood!" The birthday card he sent me is a treasure. I cried when I read it, just thinking of how wonderful it is to know and be known by this great friend.

Christine said...

Grace, I absolutely think you are great, even though we disagree on some stuff...

I have to say I really don't understand the whole FOTF and Exodus thing about Christians and how they shouldn't be attending the weddings (or committment ceremonies) of gays...

Anyway, I enjoy reading your thoughts, as always.

grace said...

Angie: I love your distinction between judging and being judgemental. It can be CAN be done if you care enough to act in love toward others.

Christine: Thanks! I also enjoy reading your thoughts.

Abiding said...

Thank you for responding to your friend Brady this way.

It is relationships like you two have that call forth the light of truth.


grace said...

Thanks for your encouragement. :)

Joe Brummer said...

Back in September my partner and I had a ceremony. We invited the two catholic ex-nuns who live next to us since we both really like them. They said they prayed daily on whether or not to attend the ceremony or to not go in protest. In the end they came, and had a lovely time. They don't approve of our union, but they wanted to support us anyway, since they knew our beliefs. They told us that they decided to come because they wanted to support our belief in our love and that they didn't approve, but as a show of their respect for our beliefs, they came.

You should support others beliefs even when you don't share them. I personally wouldn't buy a wedding gidt at Target, but you can do what you'd

grace said...

Hi Joe! Thanks for stopping by and your comments. Wise nuns, those.

Don't be hatin' on Target! ;) I love me some Target! Tdub and I registered there when we married as well. I call it Pier 1 and Banana Republic for common folk...which would be me!

But you're right...and I'm sure anyone you purchase for will appreciate your more expensive tastes...I'm sure I would! hehe!