You see.....this 18-yr.-old of mine has completely disappointed me for the very first time. I mean, I've been slightly disappointed by him before, but never so completely. For some stupid reason, which boils down to the general "busy-ness" of this household, I'd never actually seen a copy of his grades from Pepperdine for the fall semester. I'd known he was struggling to pass one class for sure and I knew it was difficult for him in general but I trusted him that he was keeping up and holding his own. NOPE. He wasn't. It seems the boy failed not one but two classes and did barely better in the rest. And so....now we find ourselves entering a semester of community-type college to get the grades up to the point that he can go on with a regular university education. *big sigh*
There's just this huge part of me.....ME.....that feels like such a failure right now. I fear I haven't pushed him hard enough or had nearly high enough expectations for him. In my carefulness to respect his desires and let him figure things out for himself....I think I've overdone it and allowed him so much freedom that he's just drifted off rudderless. I mean, he's slightly upset...but not just completely bummed about it. I cried a little when I found out and he hugged me then asked, "what do i do now?" Not in an ugly or defensive way. More like a kid just asking matter-of-factly what the next step is after this. We were all set to take the 2hr. drive out to Abilene to get him set up out there tomorrow....and then the Pepperdine transcript arrived....and BOOM. The deal's off.
I really hate this. I know it's good for me to write this down and get it off my chest. I'm completely sobbing at this point....yuck!
Any encouragement would be appreciated....OH....and prayers.