Monday, April 02, 2007

Lots o' Links

A new website called, Beyond Ex-Gay launched last week. My friends, Peterson and Christine, who have coined the term "ex-gay survivor" created the site. It's visually beautiful thanks to Christine's graphic design skills, full of intriguing information thanks to Peterson's word smithing, and technically sound because of the efforts of Steve Boese.

My narrative appears on the site along with others who've been touched (yes, negatively) as a result of their ex-gay experiences.

With all my heart I believe that ALL things work together for GOOD to those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose. That being the case, even though the personal experiences I've had in the ex-gay realm have resulted in pain, I can still say that it was good. I'm thankful for having gone through it. I am able to joy in that suffering (most of the time). My particular narrative at Beyond Ex-gay doesn't mention the ex-gay movement in particular, although I do have many qualms with its methods, idealogies, marketing strategies and political activism.

(I started this post over a week ago. It's been crazy. Since that time, there's been an biographical article about Christine published in Glamour magazine. It appears in the May edition and also in this online version.)

I've had one commenting friend who did express some concern via email (which I'm grateful for...I want that sort of input) over my participation in the Beyond Ex-Gay venture because it might appear by participating there that I am against ex-gay ministries in general. The thing is this; I believe in telling our stories as honestly as possible. Beyond Ex-Gay is a perfect fit for my story, not because I have any beef in particular with any ex-gay ministry. Not at all. In fact, I support any individual's self-determination to pursue change in their same sex attractions. I've said it before, and I'll say it again; if it had been up to me, I'd still be married to a "struggler" right now. There were many positive aspects to our marriage and we made a great family. But, it turned out differently, and I'm going to continue to find God's purpose and tell my story. It's the only one I have.

love and grace,

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Christine Bakke said...

Hey Pam,

I always appreciate your openness and honesty. Thank you for letting us post your story. I hope you know that we would never try to misrepresent you or say there's something there that there's not (OK, did that make any sense at all?)

Hopefully you know what I'm trying to say...big hugs...

grace said...

Yep! I know!
It's all good.


big hugs to you as well...

kurt_t said...

I can really relate to the part of your narrative when you say something like your emotional pain was so intense and so overwhelming that it made you feel very small and powerless.

I've been through some major losses in my life, and that's just how it felt. Every time.

I think a big part of coming out of grief is finding your power again. But it's a long, hard process, and I don't know if you ever really finish.

Norm! said...

Wow, I just read your narrative. It filled in some of the details of your marriage that I wondered about. I didn't realize you unknowningly married an ex-gay man. I don't know why, but I assumed you knowingly married someone struggling with SSA. Unknowningly marrying into someone's personal experiment is so very cruel.

grace said...

Kurt: Well, for me, the part about losing the power is key to my Christian journey...this is the way I choose to view it...the ONLY way to regain the power is to let go and recognize that I don't really have any....that wanting to be held and rocked by my Daddy and feeling powerless and small...are significant because that's how I am in relation to God all the time. As always, you're such a blessing to me in the way you encourage!

Norm!: I haven't really felt "free" to tell those parts of the story until now. But I may be sharing quite a bit more of that in the future.

love and grace,

Ally said...

Pam, your courage continues to amaze and inspire me. Thank you. =)

Brady said...

Pam, I just read your story over there. You do an amazing job of presenting what you went through--emotional and hopeful all at once. I'm in awe, seriously...

Jay said...

Hey Pam,

This note is to let you know that I’ve awarded you the Thinking Blog Award for blogs that make you think. If you’d like to participate in this award:

1. Simply add the graphic to your blog and link it back to The Thinking Blog.
2. Write a post awarding 5 of your favorite blogs that make you think.
3. A link back to the person’s blog who awarded you would be appreciated =)

That’s all there is to it! I’m presenting this award to you because your blog make me think on a regular basis. Be blessed and pass it on!

The graphic can be found here:

That is also the link to the post detailing the award which you should link your award to.

Here’s the link to my post mentioning your blog:


FeatherIron said...

Great article Pam! I agree with Jay, you make us think. Go Girl!

grace said...

Ally, Brady, Carole, Jay: Thanks for your encouragement. I'm getting ready to do some really SERIOUS writing about all of it. I very MUCH appreciate your feedback!