Friday, March 30, 2007

New, Improved Sparky

Here are the AFTER pictures:

Yes....our beloved Sparky is officially "euniched" as of today.
WHAT....DO....YOU....THINK.....about that?
(it's a rhetorical question mostly)
Yes, he's just a dog. I know that.
As much comfort and, believe it or not, sincere LOVE I've felt from this animal, I recognize that he, indeed, is JUST, a dog.
And I determined, in my infinite wisdom, that he is best suited to my circumstances as a "euniched" dog.

And yet.....there has not been ONE person....not ONE....who has not reacted in some primal way to my telling of the fact that today was the day that Sparky was being "fixed".

What's up with that? Is there much to it? Hmmm.. I honestly am saying ALL that I know in asking these questions. I sincerely and honestly have found it striking that EVERYONE who's heard me mention Sparky's surgery has had SOME sort of comment about it. It must be that this "sexual" thing is somehow innately important. DUH. And yet. (that "yet" is fully loaded with statistics and anectodal info.) Here's my retelling of the conversation I had with Drew (drew turned the ripe old age of 13 this week) about Sparky's surgery.

Me: I have to get up extra early in the morning to take Sparky in for a surgery.

Drew: What surgery???! (he's a bit panicked as he tends to "worry" about just everything)

Me:'s not a problem. It's just a normal surgery that dogs get.

Drew: Surgery? What surgery? What?

Me: Well...most people...when they have a dog....get the surgery done so that they can't have puppies....unless they want to have puppies.

Drew: Sparky won't have puppies?

Me: No. We don't want or need puppies from Sparky. And the surgery will make him a better dog.

Drew: What? How? Uh... (he's very confused at this point)

Me: Yeah....for real. If we leave him like this...and don't take care of it....well...then....he might start humping kitty.

Drew: But what if he doesn't? I've never seen him humping kitty.

Me: He will.

Drew: For real?

Me: Yeah.

Drew: How do you know?

Me: Because he's a boy. That's what boy dogs do. They get to that certain point...and then...they just want to hump everything. And we don't want Sparky to do that.

Drew: (hesitatanly)...well....

Me: (attempting to be very affirmative) WHAT??

Drew: I think it might be good if he gets to experience it at least just ONCE.

Me: No. That's not good.

Drew: I don't agree with it.

Me: Ok. Well, when you get your own dog, you can decide, but I get to decide about Sparky.

And so, Sparky came home today with his little stiches and his little ornaments just completely GONE. And I did show it to Drew because we do have to watch and make sure that Sparky is not doing certain things that might impede the healing process. And when I held Sparky up to Drew to show him what had been done....Drew's response was....."That's not right, Mom. Why did we do that to him?" And I responded, "Because it will make a better dog out of him."

It would be crazy, I realize, to try and correspond most of this incident to the whole gay or ex-gay thing. I'm NOT doing that. I'm just telling a story that happened this week. I do believe that parts of every story relate to other parts....for good or bad, regardless of sexual persuasion. So there. ;)

love and grace,

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grace said...


Norm! said...

Sorry, Pam, but I think you're outnumbered on this one. All men are hard-wired to react negatively to any mention of "ornaments" being removed. Maybe they were a little concerned that you were so matter of fact about the procedure :)

Besides, I think puppy-kitties would have been neato.


grace said...


Yeah...I think my matter-of-factness can be a bit shocking at times! hee hee!


PW said...

I'm with Drew on this just ain't right.

And ouch, ouch, ouch.

And omg, don't tell him that it will make the dog "better"!!!! The implications of that phrase are innumerable.

And his name should now be Sparkless...I mean look at his expression. Pobrecito!

grace said...

pw: hey...thanks for the comment! i won't (well, just a little) comment on the observation that THIS was the post that finally got a comment out of you??? i mean, i don't know how long you've been reading...but i always find it interesting when someone comments for the first time after reading for a while.... ;) *giggle*

sparkY is getting his sparkle back...don't worry!! in this case...i just think it's better to have never loved at all than to have loved and lost! haha!


kurt_t said...

It's a guy thing, Pam. Don't try to understand it.

I've always had female cats because I can't stand the idea of de-accessorizing a male animal.

I do think that responsible pet owners should spay and neuter. It's just... just....

It's just hard for a guy to be objective and rational about that whole issue.

disputed mutability said...


I hate to be the one to break it to ya, but Sparky may still hump kitty regardless.

My parents' fixed male dog and fixed female cat are at it all the time, in every position you can imagine, and in a few you probably can't. The best/worst part of it is that the cat actually ASKS for it, by rubbing up against the dog, shoving her hindquarters in his face, and biting him seductively.

Despite the dismal failure of all efforts thus far, I remain hopeful that change is possible, at least for the cat. Alas, trying to persuade her that her eternal security is not worth sacrificing for a few pleasurable moments of unnatural vice has proven to be something of an uphill battle.


grace said...

OH MY GOSH!!! I AM SLAIN with laughter dm!!

If that happens here....and drew will surely notice if it does....I'm DEAD!!! My boy will never trust me again concerning things of this...uh....nature! :)

Thanks for the warning.... ugh.


Kurt: You can be the one to convince Drew that I was being "responsible" when I took sparky in for surgery! :)

~Deb said...

"And I responded, 'Because it will make a better dog out of him.'"

Hmm, better spiritually? I wonder if there's a doggy heaven and hell. ??

(hehe) ;)

Christine said...

I love the comments on this post, especially DMs (hehe).

It is funny the things we say sometimes to kids to try to explain things. Recently I told J (my sister's four-year-old) that we were giving "medicine" to the fire ants in the backyard.

I have no idea why I said this (at first I was, I'll give those ants something they'll not soon forget), but probably it was because I didn't just want to say, "Well, hon, we're killing them all."

But then my sis realized that they have always talked about medicine to the boys as something that makes you get better, and they are actually usually anxious to take medicine.

So as we're standing there with a can of poison (so poisonous that the little I got on my skin felt like it was burning right through), and J. is eagerly saying "medicine?" Yikes. Sis realized, not so much of a good idea, and had to tell him the truth. In love of course.

I was putting poison on the ants because it would make them better ants, of course ;)

grace said...

Deb: Well, if all dogs do indeed go to heaven, I figure I've just given Sparky one less temptation to be fraught with...unless of course, he does begin humping the kitty anyway, in which case a doggy exorcism may be in order. ;)

Christine: The only good fire ant is a dead fire ant...although, for a time the horned toad frog, was endangered here in Texas because of the lack of fire ants to feed from. Sometimes you just can't win!


Robert said...

Hey Pam!

I have been out of town on biz, but I will email you soon!

This is a great post. Since we have the convergence of Easter and "kitty dogs," I have to share a scene from one Easter when I was a boy:

We used to have lots of animals, including a small cat, a one-eyed rabbit, and a mallard duck (that my sister had hatched on a heating pad). The rabbit was not fixed had a thing for my little cat -- and my dad knew it. But it was Easter, so my dad let the rabbit out of his hutch to hop around Easter Bunny style.

Needless to say, the rabbit saw the kitty, and started to chase kitty around the yard. The duck, who was watching things unfold, decided to chase the rabbit. My cat finally gave up in the middle of the yard, hunkered down into the grass, while the rabbit mounted him from behind. Not to be outdone, our duck proceeded to mount the rabbit. So, for a few seconds on Easter Sunday, we got to watch triple-decker, interspecies live animal porn in the backyard.

Fortunately, no Easter eggs were harmed in the Springtime frolic.

grace said...


I've been wondering where you WERE??? You'd think I'd get used to you dropping off the face of my blog every now and then...but...*geez*...a little forwarning would be nice! :)

Oh my gosh...your Easter animalia're never one to disappoint!

I'm looking forward to your email!


~Deb said...

A doggy exorcism! haha! Awe, hang a cross and a string of garlic around the pup's neck. That'll do it!

Happy Easter!