I Heart Tdub

You know, it must be pretty sucky to have a wife who writes an entire blog based on the fact that you deal with one certain sin.

If you read here regularly, you know that I'm mostly a sort of "champion" for all sinners with a special love for those who struggle and those who are gay. But still......I know it's unsettling for Tdub at times, even though he's been nothing more than absolutely proud and supportive of me the entire way. We've both grown because of this blog, and I believe it's been beneficial to us for me to have written these things and to have shared the things I've shared.

For one thing, it's been good because, as odd as it may sound, it's shown him (tdub) just how compassionate I truly am toward his struggle. This is a good thing. He is more empowered to be honest and straightforward with me about particular areas of struggle when he reads and sees the way I respond to others who share his struggle. And yeah...it is a struggle for those like him. It's not easy to be attracted to the same sex and yet have no desire whatsoever to do anything other than be married to the opposite sex, have fulfilling sexual relations with that person, raise a family, be friends, be "one" with that person as you see God having intended it to be. It's absolutely difficult. And yet, in a society with a divorce rate as high as ours....it's difficult no matter what, is it not? But, this is how I see Tdub. He has no desire whatsoever to live as a gay man. I've never once believed this about him. I've tempted him with the idea (early on in our struggle, and not in the best of conversations i might add) and yet, I knew even as I spoke the words what his intention and reply would be. He desires, more than anything, to be married to me, be attracted sexually to me, to be best friends with me (this seems all in opposite order here) and to raise our boys to the best of our ability together. And then, to enjoy long happy years together WITHOUT them!! haha!!

I can't really speak for him, and yet, being best friends, there are things we just "know" about each other.

I know I joke around a bit about Tdub at times. I mean, who wouldn't want a guy who does ALL the laundry (just cause he's so good at it and I can't do it "good enough"). Or, a guy who can make you ecstatic in the bedroom AND ecstatic over the perfect pair of shoes he found for you to go with that certain outfit? I mean really, does it get any better than that???? :)

But, most of all, who wouldn't want a guy who will do whatever it takes to follow the call of God and lead you and your family toward holiness? Not perfection......holiness......closer and closer to the people God made us to be. That's what Tdub does. Consistently. He talks and acts like I'm the "deep" one in the relationship. But he is deeper than I can even begin to know.

I Heart Tdub. So much.

grace





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Pachelbel's Canon in D

I've always loved Pachelbel's Canon.....cliche' as it may be for wedding's and such.

Maybe it's just because I grew up in the 70's....but...this right here is about the coolest thing I've ever heard.

grace


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The Other Side of Grace

Tdub and I had this little conversation this morning before he headed off to the gym.

Me: What did you think of that X-Men movie? (i'd just read this post about it at ex-gay watch)
Tdub: I loved it. Thought it was awesome, the boys did too.
Me: Did you..um...notice any similarities to anything?
Tdub: *sort of grinning and nodding* You mean, to gays?
Me: Yeah, I've been reading that it's really all about the ex-gay movement....
Tdub: Anyone could easily make that jump...they have a "cure" for the mutants and there's this powerful guy whose son is a mutant.....

We talked for a while about the story and the way it does indeed apply and then our discussion parlayed into orientation vs. attraction and some of the stuff I've written lately about that in comments at ex-gay watch. (he doesn't read any of that stuff...his internet time is mainly email, a little news, movie reviews, and shopping...he's gonna KILL me for sayin' that! hehe!)
Anyway....we talked a little while and continued like this...

Me: I know, for you guys, this viewpoint that it's sin really doesn't seem fair. I mean, here you have this lifelong struggle......and yet.....honestly, I believe EVERYONE has something big to deal with. It's just that most people don't recognize it.
Tdub: *nodding* I agree with that.
Me: ALOT of people in our culture struggle horribly with materialism but it's not a big deal, it's accepted.
Tdub: *facetiously* Yeah, I'm glad I'm not materialistic.
Me: You're NOT. Really. That's not a sin of yours. You're vain....but you're not materialistic.
Tdub: *chuckling* Oh...so that's what it is!
Me: Oh yeah...I don't think you're materialistic at all. You know, you just let me decide what your sins are. I'll take care of that! Vanity is your sin, not materialism.
*we were both laughing pretty hard by this time*
Tdub: There's my first post when I start my own blog...I'll call it,
"The Other Side of Grace".

And, since he's far too busy reading movie reviews to ever start his own blog...I decided just to write this one myself.

grace



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An Over-Simplified Primer in Ex-Gay Rhetoric

Here's my very over-simplified take on the problem that exists between the Ex-Gay movement and the folks at Ex-Gay Watch, who I'm assuming, represent a significant portion of the gay population in general.

Here are the things I can "get away with" in the camp over at Ex-Gay Watch.

1) stating my belief that homosexual acts are sinful and against God's plan for man
2) giving my own personal testimony about how Tdub has reduced his unwanted same sex attraction (through therapy and spiritual healing techniques) and increased (greatly) in his sexual attraction to me
3) speculating about the nature vs. nurture debate concerning sexual attractions/orientations and sharing personal stories or personal experiences
4) relating "change" of the sexual attraction sort to the Christian walk and other struggles with sin (namely, mine)
5) asking questions about the level of promiscuity in the gay community as compared to promiscuity in the hetero community
6) a bunch of other stuff but I'm tired of trying to think of all of them

Here are the things that WILL NOT under any circumstances fly with the camp over at Ex-Gay Watch. And, you may ask, why do I care what they think? Well....mostly....because I love those people. the gays. I respect them as individuals and as unique creations of God, and I just downright like them too. Because of that....I don't do these things:

1) being more appalled or SO appalled by homosexual acts (which I consider sin) than my own sinfulness or all types of other sins that I'm surrounded by on a daily basis and which do JUST AS MUCH to tear at the moral fiber of our culture as ANY other sin
2) making it sound like someone can actually be "cured" of same sex attractions as if it were a cold or something.....or, making it sound like there are "quick fixes" and there are hundreds of thousands of people who've followed some handy dandy steps and chosen to be free of unwanted same sex attractions. it ain't that simple. it's tough....and the hard truth of the matter is that some are more successful than others and it's difficult to understand why.
3) making relationally ignorant statements like "people are not born gay" which obviously does nothing more than INCITE gay folks. people are just born. i'm no more sure (and no one is) of when they receive gayness or straightness than those who argue about when an embryo becomes a fetus, becomes a soul, becomes a baby and on and on it goes. obviously....and my husband can attest....there are those who don't remember not being attracted to the opposite sex as soon as they were sexually attracted to anything at all....so....at what point that occurred...is really and truly still up for grabs. it is.
4) saying things like, "you just need to have more faith" or, "you aren't really a Christian if you're still gay" or, "you obviously have a bad relationship with your father and your mother must have been over-bearing" or, "gays are recruiting people to be gay"....maybe they would, if they could...but they CAN'T! if i'm an alcoholic, the person who took me to the bar for my first drink did not RECRUIT me...i was pre-disposed to that sin and it just IS. And it always will be. The fact that it's more acceptable than ever for young folks to go hang out in bars is not because of an "alcholic's agenda". It's just because of our society at large. (i know i may get in deep doo doo for comparing homosexuality to alcoholism.....i'm sorry....i hope you can love and forgive me)
5) talking about promiscuity in the gay community and never once mentioning that promiscuity is actually a HUMAN problem.....not confined to gays. Furthermore, seeming to blame all the evils of the world and our current culture on gay promiscuity. I've got problems with promiscuity here at my house....but not of the gay sort....son #1 is KILLIN' me! I guess...at least if he were struggling with gay sex I wouldn't have to worry about becoming a Grandma! (humor is one of God's greatest gifts and I'm finding every way I can in this situation to find it)
6) just being plain disrespectful of the gay community at large. yep, i think it's sin...but ya know....there are SO many sinful things about our culture.....i see no reason to go singling them out as the "axis of evil" for what ails us.

Ok.....I've had that little rant in me for a while and now it's out.

For those of you who read here and DO struggle because your attractions are unwanted....take heart. It sucks, I know. But there's always, always hope. Even when you screw up. (no pun intended! ha!)

love,
grace





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What Am I?

I took one of those little online questionnaire thingies a bit ago. It was supposed to tell me which belief/denomination/church structure I most closely matched with based on my answers to some questions. Turns out I'm mostly Eastern Orthodox. What the heck? I don't even know what that is. Should I go out and buy a robe made of natural fibers and learn some chants...or maybe get a little jewel planted in my navel??? I have no idea what that means.

All the "biggies" were in the list. Even the ones I've been associated with; those being Assemblies of God, Baptist, and now Church of Christ/Cambelite. (gotta qualify that with the Cambelite so we sound less cultish, i guess) The way I see it, pretty much, is that I was "yanked up" in the Assemblies of God, ran quickly to the first friendly Baptist church I could get into without being re-baptized as an adult, went through some pretty nasty trials and started actually trying to figure out Christianity for myself, and ultimately landed in the Church of Christ which suits me about as well as any other building I've been to where people profess Christ. I actually love the acapella singing (no it's NOT a salvation issue) and I love the way water baptism is tied directly to the moment one decides to make Jesus the Lord of their life. (even though I have disagreements with the rest of their "doctrine" about it). But...I do like it that we baptize folks at the time they put on Christ instead of some time later when we decide to fill up the baptistry and make a "service" out of the 6 or 8 people who got "saved" during the last year.

And now I find out that I'm Eastern Orthodox? I gotta check this out. I hope I'm not going to hell or anything. (kidding!!)

grace

p.s. I did happen (on a whim with one of my teenage friends) to get a little jewel planted in my left ear cartilidge yesterday....hmmm.


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Packing Up

We have only a few days of school left. Five, to be exact. I've been packing boxes for my move to the middle school. Next year I'll be a 7th grade English teacher. Whoopee!

I'm a bit concerned about the impression I might make in the beginning. I mean, I want to fit in and be a "real live middle school teacher". And yet, I've taught elementary grades for my entire career. It looks like this when you lay it out;

1st grade 5 yrs.
2nd grade 8 yrs.
5th grade 1 yr.
Art 4,5,6 3 yrs.

So...13 of my 17 years of teaching have been spent with very young children. Which means I've accumulated all sorts of.....uh....*ahem*.......STUFF....(better known as *crap*).

I've got feathers, metallic pipe cleaners, miniature clothespins, magnetic laser printer paper, stickers of ALL sorts, stamps, sponges, shells, tissue paper, craft paper, manilla paper, wiggly eyes, glitter, craft glue, fabric scraps, felt, etc. etc.,.... AND the containers to put it all in to boot! It's insane, actually. What the elementary teacher in me didn't find valuable....the ART teacher DID. Which means the last three years have reeked havoc on my "throwing away" tendencies which I DO enjoy from time to time.

Oh me oh MY.

I'm EXCITED about the move, though! Very much so. #3 and #4 will be going to the same middle school and I'll be teaching #3's grade. He won't have me as a teacher but he will have my teaching partner who is my very best friend. He doesn't stand a chance, poor dear. ;) *side note to Jenny....KB will be my teaching partner!*

Cleaning out and organizing things is VERY good for me. My poor custodian is the most gracious and understanding man I've EVER met. I've off-loaded no less than a dumpster full of trash so far and I'm less than half way through! Bless his heart!

The black eye from my concussion is really yucky looking right now.....but....the worse it looks the better I tend to feel....go figure.

Hope all is well with all of you!
love,
grace


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The Talk

I appreciate all your comments and prayers concerning my dealings with #1 and Tulip. It's been very encouraging to me, even though....you know....this situation pretty much entails most of what you fear for your child. I don't think (maybe I have, can't remember) I've mentioned that Tulip is only 16. You'll have to read between the lines there....or maybe I can help you by saying that it's not just that I'm concerned about becoming a grandmother....I'm also not too fond of the idea of visiting my son in prison or pulling his picture up amongst registered sex offenders for the rest of his life. It's been tough.

But....we had the talk. I feel better. I actually think #1 and Tulip feel better. We had a great Mother's Day and #1 wrote in my card..."I couldn't have a better Mom than you." So....considering all that's transpired in the past few weeks....I'd say that's a major affirmation from him. On the other hand, if he knew I were writing about all this on the world wide web....I'm sure he'd have a few other choice words for me. But....this blog is about ME. Not him. He just happens to be a major piece of my struggle right now. And yet, I may delete all of this stuff about him before long.....if I get to thinking about it too much. I don't know.

That's where I am right now, today. That's all I got right now. (yes, i know that's a grammatical error)

love,
grace




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Concussion

We had a bit of excitement in our household yesterday afternoon. The name "grace" was never intended to refer to my deftness of movement. I've always been a bit accident prone. In fact, as "graceful" as I may appear in the spiritual sense, you could probably take to the extreme opposite end of the spectrum to describe me physically. (tdub, i see that grin)

Yesterday, as my last class was leaving for the day I walked back into my room to raise the overhead screen. It's housed in a heavy metal casing and hangs from the ceiling by clamps and metal "s" rings that attach to the metal ceiling grid. I tugged as usual to get the screen to retract back into the casing. I was standing to one side of the screen, not in front of it. The whole thing came unattached at the opposite end from me, swung down, and bonked me in the left temple. It knocked me to my knees but I never lost consciousness. I stumbled out of my room and did my best not to cry....but dang....it HURT! The band teacher happened to be out in the hallway, saw me there, took one look at the goose egg on my head, and literally ran to the office for more help. I'd managed to stumble my way to a chair that was sitting just outside my door. I wish I had video of each person's face who came down to look at me. The fact that I recall them is a very good sign, actually. They'd take one look, make a slight gasp and their eyes would widen. They helped me to the nurses office and began the process of getting me in to the school doctor who takes care of our workmen's comp. incidents.

The doctor did a thorough check or my neurological responses, determined that it was a slight concussion and sent me home with some medicine for headache. The swelling had gone WAY down by this morning and I went to school feeling fine. After lunch sometime today I started to sink. Right now I feel pretty YUCK. But, according to the doctor and what I googled about mild concussion this is pretty normal. And, I'm obviously not so bad off I can't type coherently. At least I assume this is coherent. Let me know if we need to call 911! ha!

Anyway.....my advice now, to anyone else who suffers a similar fate, would be to take the next day off, lie around, and milk it for all it's worth.

grace

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Goodness

It's been quite the afternoon. I can't write about it yet. I'm still reeling from it emotionally and need to process a bit more....I haven't even processed through it with Tdub yet. I will write about it later. I did have "the talk" with son#1 and Tulip. More on that later.

Here's a question. Please comment. Let me know what you think about this. What if.....we are born not really sexually attracted to any certain gender in particular. What if.....we are born with certain personality traits and temperament.....and.....according to the way we are raised (or, "yanked up" as I've humorously heard it put), we develop our sexuality. There's such a myriad of sexual preferences out there. Really. That would explain genetics and biology playing a factor and dispell the issue of there actually being a "choice", wouldn't it? Maybe not. I'm just, again, thinking out loud (in type) here.

Gotta run.

Keep praying for me...I DO appreciate it.

love to all,
grace



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The Talk (at least part of it)

I ended up having a talk only with #1 son. Not the girlfriend as well. It just turned out better that way for the time being. But...I fully intend to talk with her and look forward to this happening possibly this Wednesday. I expect to actually get more out of her, as far as actual words spoken, than I did my son. For some reason, boys seem to stop speaking in complete sentences (or sentences which contain more than 5 words) somewhere around the age of 13 or 14....and then seem to begin to come out of that....uh....well...I'll let you know when they completely emerge from it. It hasn't happened yet here.....which means we currently have two children who rarely utter complete sentences. This sounds really great....but...this is actually the TIME when complete sentences would be INFORMATIVE as opposed to ANNOYING. Funny how that works. (on a side note, aren't we glad that I've regained a sense of humor over the whole thing?? a good sign, no?)

Here's the gist of the conversation we had: (i'll refer to girlfriend as Tulip because that's one of my favorite flowers and she really is that pretty)

Me: So. I've talked with Tulip's mom.
Son: I KNOW Mom.
Me: She told me about what happened at their house.
Son: I KNOW that. Are you gonna tell me something I DON'T know?
(the respect he has for me, i know, is overwhelming)
Me: (firmly) You know, you need to watch your attitude here.
Son: Okay.
Me: I'm surprised that you were complaining that her parents just don't "know" you. Why would they want to know you after what you've done?
Son: I know Mom. I know I screwed up.
Me: But TWICE???? This has happened TWICE??? I have a hard time with that. Why in the world would they want to give you another chance or even care anything about you? (interrupting me)
Son: Ok Mom. I got that. I screwed UP! I know I totally screwed up!
Me: I understand you care about Tulip. I get that. But if you REALLY care about her, then you will respect her, and respect her parents. You will abide by THEIR rules.
Son: Are you going to tell me anything I don't know already?
Me: I guess not.
(big pause)
Son: I know Mom. I know.
Me: What about the sex? You know it's not right. Are you at least making sure she doesn't get pregnant?
(this REALLY makes him uncomfortable)
Son: I don't even care about that. I don't want to do that anymore, that's not what I care about.
Me: I hear that. But....are you making SURE she doesn't get pregnant?
Son: MOM!
Me: ARE YOU???
Son: YES!!!
Me: Okay. Well, you know what I think about all of it. I still want to talk with Tulip. And maybe talk with the two of you together.
Son: Okay. (at this point he just wants me to shut up so badly that he'll say ANYTHING)
Me: Okay.

And that's all I got for now. I feel better....even though I still feel horrible about the whole thing. I've emailed back and forth with Tulip's mother a few times. I expect the conversation with Tulip to go much smoother than the one with my son. How ironic is that? However, what I'm still very realistic about is this.....even though Tulip may talk a better game than #1....it's still just a gamble at this point and I have no control over any of it. And THIS....is parenting.

Please keep praying.

grace




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Tough Times

I can't convey to you how much I wish I had something cute and funny to write about.

But I don't.

What do you do with an 18 (almost 19) yr.-old son who is sexually active with his teenage girlfriend? I'll let you know when I figure it out. We're having a sit-down talk this afternoon.

Oh.....and this whole thing was precluded by a father (his father) who about a year ago told him he thought it would be better if he had sexual experience with girls before marriage. I'm not sure what quality or virtue was working in him (the father, my ex-husband) when he called me up later to let me know that this was the advice he'd just given our son. He stated that he thought he'd better let me know since he knew I wouldn't agree with the advice. I replied, "well....thanks," and got off the phone as quickly as I could before running my car off the road and into a ditch. He's lucky I didn't drive it straight to his place of business and ram right through the front glass window. I did speak to my son about the advice his father had given him and he assured me, at that time, that he had no intention of becoming sexually active. I told him then, "You know, it's going to be very difficult, when you do find yourself in a certain situation at some point, not to take your dad's advice. I'm afraid the things I'm telling you now are not going to be the over-riding voice that's playing in your head at that time." I was right.

So. Pray that I'll have wisdom. I love my son with my whole being. I'm sad that we're having this talk and yet I feel I must discuss these things with him. His girlfriend is coming too. My love for her is also intense and I hurt for her that she's given herself away to my son this way. And yet, I know it's very common.

The question I'm asking myself now is "What do you hope to accomplish by having such a conversation with them?" Realistically, I can't make them stop having sex. And yet, hopefully I can give them a more realistic grasp of the gravity of their actions as it could and does affect their future, with or without each other. They have crossed a line that isn't easily redrawn. I also hope to show them what it looks like to love one another even when the choices of your loved ones don't line up with God's plan. And maybe give them some strategies for holding themselves accountable should they decide to reclaim the purity of their relationship.

It's been a 48 hrs. The fact that I even know all of this is due to some things that my son did which completely destroyed any trust her parents may have had in him. But they are being very gracious, considering the circumstances.

Just pray for me.

grace


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When Gay Friends Get Married

This post will be unsettling to some. That's okay. If you are "unsettled" by it, just click "next blog" or try and remember something I've written that you really liked a whole bunch and think about that.

My friend Brady is getting married. He and his partner are registered at Target and Bed, Bath and Beyond. What should we do with that? What do people who love as Christ loves do with this?

Here's the deal. Brady knows EXACTLY what I believe about his "gayness". Brady was one of the first commenters to my blog and he writes his own blog which is sometimes personal and more often deals with politics as it concerns gay culture. He has been kind to me from the very beginning and he and I have established a "blog friendship". I'm certain that our friendship has caused each of us to "change" at least subtly in the way we deal with others even though we may not have changed significantly in our worldview. Basically, he's still doing what he does and I'm still doing what I do. And yet, we are friends. And I care about Brady. I'd even like to send a gift to Brady. *gasp!* How can that be???? Wouldn't sending a wedding gift to Brady be the same as condoning the marriage???? Would this not send the message that you think same sex relationships are a very good and desirable thing????

DUH........NO......BRADY KNOWS WHAT I THINK ABOUT SAME SEX RELATIONSHIPS. BRADY KNOWS THAT I BELIEVE GOD DID NOT DESIGN HUMAN BEINGS TO HAVE SEX WITH THE SAME GENDER. HE GETS THAT.

And yet, I care about Brady. I love Brady. I want good things for Brady. And....believe it or not, I'm happy for the excitement that I know Brady is feeling, the anticipation of this special event, the depth of emotion that I recognize which is contained in the fact that he is going to actually MARRY this guy. This is a huge deal. And because I can LOVE BRADY even if I don't love his actions that I deem sinful.....I can congratulate him, I can smile when I read about his engagement, I can even buy him a gift. I SEE his happiness in this moment and I am happy with him.

God will judge Brady. God will judge ME...and YOU. God may very well judge me and you based on how we treat those like Brady even when we don't agree with them.

grace



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Community and Confession

So. Let's say I'm building a community here. A community of individuals who confess Jesus Christ as their savior. Jesus died for our sins. Yes, I'm a sinner. Yes, I need help(salvation) to be able to make it in the world God created for me. The sin in my life prevents me from being whole and able to fully enjoy the fullness of God's ultimate creation....which was created for ME and my ultimate pleasure and enjoyment. Every good thing ever created was created for me and my pleasure....and yet....sin (rejection of God and His plan) entered the world and now I'm stuck in the middle. I'm stuck in a world where sin rules and where following God and His original intent for me goes against the "bent" of natural man.

How do we build the community of believers in the midst of a world "bent" towards sinfulness?

I think we do that by being transparent enough to confess our sin struggles to one another. We let each other know exactly what it is we need help with. We don't hide from the sin that besets us. We bring it out in the open. We let each other KNOW, so that we can LOVE one another and minister to one another. We don't "police" the sin of our brothers and sisters. We LOVE each other in the sinful state in which we find ourselves....and we all admit that we are SINNERS. We all struggle. We all sin. We have given sin too high a place in our culture. It's held in such high esteem that we run and hide from it. We need to bring it down to where we LIVE and breathe and break it's power by exposing it to the light of DAY....the light of CHRIST.

I will begin. I will begin right here and now by being transparent and open with everyone who reads this blog. I struggle. I struggle with the sin of drunkenness. I've not succubmed to it recently.....but...it's a struggle for me. I enjoy a glass of wine with friends now and then. I enjoy a glass of wine (or two) :) in the evenings after school. And yet, if I'm not careful, I can easily turn one or two glasses of wine into three or four. And that's too many. I deal with this. I struggle with this. God is calling me toward holiness where this is concerned. It's very difficult for me to share this. And yet, I feel called and compelled to share the difficult things. My goodness....look at what I've exposed about Tdub just by the very fact of my blog! How dare I be so prideful as to not share some of my own struggles when I've written an entire blog based on his! What a wretched person I'd be otherwise.

No, we don't have to share sins, tit for tat. It's not like that. And, since sins don't have measure in God's eyes, it's only a human thing...it's just US....that we make such a big deal out of one sin over another. God doesn't do that. Basically, He just keeps loving us not matter what we're dealing with. He's just so awesome that way.

My point is this. We need to build a community of believers where we can share our struggles without fear of condemnation. We need to be able to be transparent with one another so that we can minister to and LOVE one another with the love of Christ. Then, and only then, will we be able to go OUT into the world and SHARE THE LOVE OF CHRIST. We need to understand what His love looks like WITHIN the body....and then take that same love OUTSIDE the body.

It looks like, to me, that so many "religious" folks are too worried about getting everything "just right", and not at all concerned about loving people in whatever situation they find them. Jesus loved us FIRST....WHILE WE WERE SINNERS.

grace





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Boys are Smelly

For real. Not in a cute, "i'm-gonna-write- a-funny-post-about-being-a-mother-of-boys-way". I mean, they STINK. Like in a gross, "get-me-out-of-here-surely-this-isn't-what-life-is-supposed-to-be-like" sort of way.

They tromp in and out and bring their friends. Their friends all stink just like they do. They hang out here between games or between wakeskating or whatever. They leave stinky things lying around. Shirts, shorts, socks, towels, shoes....and more socks. They act like you've gone completely off your rocker and are totally "spazzed out" if you even begin to complain about the CRAP they leave lying around. They are MASTERS at making you feel like it's YOUR problem and not THEIR problem. They are pathetic. They make me sick and disgusted.

And yet, I love them.

There's a lesson here. But I don't even want to know it. I just want to take pleasure in my disgust and pride myself with the fact that I'm in control of them even though I have to turn into the Wicked Witch of the West (South, North, and East) to affect any change in the state of things. And they'll pull it together and pick it all up and make it look good.....for now.....and then....it will go right back to the disgusting state of awfulness they love to wallow in.

Heaven help the women who marry them. Heaven help ME!

grace




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