Friday, December 14, 2007

Marriage (1st bit of rambling)

Everyone who reads this blog knows by now that I support the rights of gays to marry each other. I phrase it that way because I've had this argument thrown in my face before; "Gays do have the right to marry, as long as they marry someone of the opposite gender."



That argument sounds like fightin' words to a woman who's been through what I've been through. I realize there's a bit of a paradox when I can talk about being thankful for the experiences of being married to an ex-gay, and in the same breath say that knowing what I know now, I'd not have married Tdub. I've found paradox to be an integral part of living for Christ. It just is. The fact of the matter is, I can't change the past so I choose to view it in a postitive light and learn from it. So, while I'd very likely advise another woman against marrying an ex-gay, I can say that having gone through that marriage was a good thing for me. Good like running your first marathon. You want to give up much of the time, you'd not make it at all if it weren't for those people on the sidelines with the oranges and paper cups of water, and you occasionally have to stop and puke your guts out. No pain, no gain.

More later. :)

love and grace,
pam







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9 comments:

Charlotte said...

For the truth about gay marriage check out our trailer. Produced to educate & defuse the controversy it has a way of opening closed minds & creates an interesting spin on the issue: www.OUTTAKEonline.com
The truth will set you free…

Inheritor of Heaven said...

(in an unrelated comment, did ya get the recipe?)

seithman said...

Personally, I think leaving us waiting for more is cruel and unusual punishment. ;)

seithman said...

By the way, this is Jarred. I've switched to using my typekey login so I can have a link again. I miss being able to link directly to my blog. :(

Mark and Patrick said...

Thank you Pam.
I can honestly say that my ex wife and I both know there was much positive taken from our marriage, and we both learned from the experience of my "struggle".

I agree that never would I recommend a woman marry an ex-gay or anyone in the reparative therapy programs. Although I think that many of the guys can force themselves not to "act out" or try not to have "inappropriate" thoughts and behaviors, it will always be part of their lives. It is not fair to ask anyone to endure that with you.

Although my partner and I cannot marry under the current Texas laws, our relationship is as committed and as strong as many heterosexual relationship and marriages. I was extremely lucky to meet someone who was able to support me and my decisions regarding my therapist, and how that pain and confusion affected my life.

Just from what I have observed since coming out in 2002, is that it appears to most people think that gay men are just looking for one thing. Having done the bar scene (not knowing where else to meet other gay men, that are not in therapy!), I learned they are all looking for the same thing.......a committed relationship, someone to love and share their lives with legally and in the site of God.

While issues like this are evolving, I am not certain I will see it in my lifetime, but who knows.

The marathon goes on! I think it is awesome when we can turn some pings and pains in life around and make them useful.

Guess I rambled on a bit here! Sorry!

grace said...

Inheritor: I got it!! Thanks! I should have told you so at the time...I'll let you know when I try it out...I intend to do so during the break.

Jarred: Thanks for letting me know who you were!

Mark: Thanks for sharing your thoughts...it means alot to me to hear those things from you. I feel we are connected in a unique way because of our shared histories.

Anonymous said...

hey i was just thinking of you! thanks for the comment and the good ideas.
i need to come visit you more often, i love what you have to say.

merry christmas and tell D i said hello!

traci

Brady said...

Grace- every time I read your blog I'm amazed at your insights and positive spirits. Man, I need to stop giving you all this praise--you might get a big head ;-)

Thinking about you. Hope you have a great Christmas!

grace said...

Thanks Brady! I hope you and J have a great Christmas as well...and give your mom a big hug from me! Not to worry ;), my boys make sure I stay quite humble....and they don't even realize they're doing it! lol

love,
grace

(i've decided to occasionally go ahead and call myself grace since so many readers can't seem to shake it...and i find that a great compliment in itself)