Thursday, December 28, 2006

The Boys

Everyone wants to know how the boys are doing. So do I.

It's not Daniel and Drew that we're as concerned about as the other two. I won't reveal their names. They do not belong to me legally and I'm relatively certain Tdub would not approve.

Tdub has always been a great parent. He was KNOWN all over this community as "the dad" before we married. I'm not exaggerating. I have documentation. (i hope this isn't reading with a sarcastic tone...i'm being totally and utterly sincere here) I remain certain that he is taking good care of their physical and emotional needs to the best of his ability.

However, there is no way that processing all they've had to process in the amount of time they've had to process it, is healthy for them. And yet, here we are. They are two of the most resilient young men I've ever met or ever will meet. I'm convinced of that.

From all that I can see, they are fine. Number three (13 yrs. old) spends at least one night a week here with us, sometimes more. We used to call he and Drew "the twins" because they are so close in age, and they both miss all the "playtime" they used to have together. Number two (getting close to 16 yrs. old) is busier with friends and activities of his own. He's at the age where being at either of our homes is not his first choice or even possible much of the time. I did see him tonight for the first time this holiday and he looked great. We had a nice visit and "caught up" on what's been going on since school let out. He'll probably be over tomorrow to spend the night here.

So, there's the update on the guys. I know for a fact that many of you wonder about them.

Daniel and Drew are very upset with me right now because they know that I'm considering relocating after this school year is over. There's just SO much here in our still-small-in-many-ways community that has transpired during the 21 years I've been here. It may be time for a fresh start in a new place. We'll see. The boys are LIVID that I'm considering such a thing. But, we'll get through it, whatever happens.

I'll get some more pictures out with the next post.

love and grace,

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Peterson Toscano said...

Pam, more photos are always welcome. I love it when people take photos of places and objects that define them. I love Christine's photos of her cats. Those photos speak volumnes.

Happy New Year. May it be filled with healing, hope and clear direction.

kurt_t said...


No no no no no no no no no.

Moving. Ugh! No no no.

Never again! Never again!

grace said...

"places, objects that define them"...thanks for the inspiration Peterson! I'll get right on that later today!

Kurt: Well...I can see who's side YOU'RE on! *goodness*

Norm! said...

Thanks for offering the update. While I'm sure this is tough on the boys, I'm glad the youngest ones are able to remain in contact.

How big of a move are you considering? Are you staying in state? Moving for a fresh start sounds great. Of course, I shouldn't talk. Other than college, I've never lived outside of my hometown.

grace said...

Norm!: I'm originally from Oklahoma and I have lots of family there. While I'm not interested in moving back to my small hometown, *shudder* I do have family in both Tulsa and OKC. Probably the OKC area would be the best area in which to land. We'll see. Thanks, as always, for checking in here!


Timothy Kincaid said...

Oh, I think you'd be much happier in California. And think how easy it would be to sell to the kids: Hollywood, Disneyland, the beach, beautiful weather year round

And the people are great ;)

grace said...

Timothy: sounds great...but i'm pretty sure living in community housing on a teacher's salary would immediately quell their does mine! ;)

Timothy Kincaid said...


A good SoCal resident knows that there's always affordable housing... provided you don't mind driving an hour and a half each way every day :)

Have a VERY joyous NYE celebration and a happy healthy and prosperous new year (filled with puppy moments)

Robert said...

Hey Pam,

I suspect the boys are being even-handed about being upset at both you and TDub for the major changes in their lives. Even at 18 I would not have grasped these sudden changes. I am glad that they are still around each other.

I read into your "still-small-in-many-ways community" comment that some of the neighbors are looking at you as if you are sort of -- well -- radioactive. Small communities can be warm and friendly, but boy does the gossip fly.

Here's to a better 2007!!

grace said...

Robert: Yes...I think you've sort of nailed it....
probably half the "still small" community does view me as somewhat radioactive...
and then...the other half views me as some sort of "amazing person who has endured so many things and continues to be for the most part normal, upbeat, and healthy"

Either's sort of an "other-worldly" place of being...which is fine...except...that....I just want to be ME...NORMAL....fading away into the shadows and enjoying myl ife....oh yeah...except for the fact that I write a blog about the whole thing and it's public...


what do to????