Monday, August 14, 2006

I Hurt

Deep, intense, and prolonged pain has placed me in a state that I can only describe as surreal. I wake up to each day, not really in it. My first thoughts are, "this is really happening, I'm living this, or is it living me?" I can't tell.

I'm certain of God. I'm certain of all the things I've always been certain of. I am not afraid of the future because God has redeemed my past.

And yet, I hurt.

grace

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8 comments:

Peterson Toscano said...

Your recent posts, their rawness, move me and remind me of a poem I once wrote long ago when I felt the world was falling apart all around me.

Out of the depths I cry to you , Oh Lord.
Let not the buzz of lesser thoughts displace my resolve.
Like bees they circle my head;
They whirl and dance and I am dizzy.

Yet you hear my groan
Rising in my battered soul.
It pushes past steamy fantasies
And devilish conspiracies;
Lifted to Your ear
--Your holy place.
Your love draws it forth.

My soul is as dry as a crusty rag
Hung on a rusty nail
Over a defunct faucet that hisses
When called upon to perform.

Yet there are moments
When my thoughts shudder free,
As if jarred by grace.
At those moments
This inward groan is winged with words
And takes frantic flight.

Although the madness clamps down
And smothers the spark.
I know my garbled plea has reached You,
(or You have reached down to it,)
And I know You never forget.

Inheritor of Heaven said...

Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer.
From the end of the earth I call to you, when my heart is faint.
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I, for you are my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy. Psalm 61:1,2

He reached down from on high, he took me; he drew me out of mighty waters. He delivered me from my strong enemy, and from those who hated me, for they were too mighty for me.
They confronted me in the day of my calamity; but the Lord was my support. He brought me out into a broad place; he delivered me, because he delighted in me.
Psalm 18:16-20

Whether it is physical healing, inner healing, or deliverance from the enemy's oppression that you most need I don't know, but Jesus said to pray "Let your kingdom come and your will be done on earth as it is in heaven." So because there will be no pain in heaven that is what I will be praying for you here on earth.

featheriron said...

Grace, I will pray for you. I don't know why you hurt but I know He heals the broken hearted and He is there for you. He is comfort, He is peace and He will show up for you Grace.

I will do whatever I can for you, just ask.

grace said...

Thanks you guys. Please keep me in your prayers. That's the best and only thing to be done right now.

INHERITOR...it's been brought to my attention that I've been calling you INTERIOR all this time...and it's brought much laughter during a time MUCH in need of laughter...my blogger friend Jay is doing it as well, we noticed! :) Laughing through tears is extremely cleansing....so, you've actually contributed all ready to my catharsis!

love to all of you,
grace

kurt_t said...

Well, it's a Holy Day of Obligation today, Grace, so I'll be thinking of you at Mass tonight. I will light a candle even!

Our parish has electric candles, but, you know, it's the thought that counts.

Seriously, you take care of yourself. Your Internet friends are very concerned.

Jay said...

Thanks for pointing that out, Grace. I'll have to apologize to Mr. Inheritor :)

I'll keep praying for you. You know that God has blessed you, for you have brought encouragement and hope to so many (myself included). Take comfort in that, and know that if you need to talk, I'm always an e-mail away.

Love,
Jay

Inheritor of Heaven said...

I did notice it somewhere along the line but usually my brain probably assumed you typed it correctly or I assumed typo (I have had some doozys on various comments myself). Besides, we who have Jesus have a bit of heaven on the interior as well.
Laughter is a very good and healing thing isn't it?

Brett and Jenny Perkins said...

Praying for you Grace. So sorry you are hurting.