I talked with our family therapist yesterday. (how many of you can say you have one of those???) :) I don't go very often....maybe twice a year. But he's just so awesome and it always does me good whether I need it or not. *chuckle* His specialty (and our reason for meeting him in the first place) is same sex attraction or more generally sexual addictions of all stripes. My husband goes off and on. A pattern has emerged over the course of the last 5 years regarding my husband and therapy. I think this is pretty typical no matter what your struggle. It happens like this:
1) big issue/turmoil/problem arises
2) regular therapy/group attendance ensues
3) big issue/turmoil/problem is dealt with/resolved/understood or whatever
4) therapy tapers off and stops entirely
5) growth occurs, life goes on, and then growth eventually plateaus
Then....back to number 1, wash, rinse, repeat.
The good news is, my husband and I are both open and receptive to the guideance and leadership of the therapist. Of course, he's Christ-centered....but in this amazingly REAL way. He doesn't sugar-coat things or give you anything but the absolute truth of the matter. As in, this basically sucks, yes, but here are some things you can try and I'll see you next time and you can tell me how that's working for you.
We talked about alot of things yesterday and I brought up the forgiveness question again. I've talked about this with him (and his wife, actually) before. It's something I think about quite a bit because even though I know I've forgiven my husband, it seems like it keeps coming back and I have to forgive him over and over again for the same stupid thing. Basically, the breaking of faith and trust of the marriage in the first place. And then I get all self-absorbed and pitiful about it like I was last week. He gave me a copy of this prayer and said I should repeat it out loud whenever I feel necessary.
Father in Heaven, today I choose to forgive (name of offender) for (list of ways offender harmed you). Lord, I release this person into Your hands to deal with as You choose. I will not seek revenge. I release to you my anger over what they did, and I ask you to heal my wounded emotions. I ask that You grant (name of offender) the grace to repent and be reconciled to You.
He also told me that I think too much inside my head and have some negative thought patterns that need to be broken. He suggested I start writing a blog. Hah.