Tdub on the Goatneck

Here is a link to Tdub, the bike riding stud. I love that guy!

grace

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Great Weekend

Tdub and I had a great weekend. It was one of the last weekends of summer as it's all coming to a speedy end. Tdub is usually quite anxious for the start of school so that the rest of the house will get back to a normal bedtime routine.

The highlight of our weekend was the Goatneck bicycle ride. Tdub and a friend did the 41 mile route (there was also a 100K). I was SO proud of him! I found a picture of him that I'll link to if I get his permission when he gets home later. It was exciting to be at the finish line and cheer him on as he made his way across. We've been looking for an activity we'd enjoy together and we both think this would be a good one. I'm not anticipating doing a 41 mile ride to start, but, there was a shorter 27 mile route I could have taken if I'd been ready. The 41 pushed Tdub really hard but he made it in fine shape with only a bit of soreness to show for it.

After the ride, several friends joined us at our house for an evening of food, drink, and lots of laughter. We were all reminded, yet again, how small our big world can be as we found all sorts of common friends and connections among the group we had gathered together. Sometimes I sense that God works in themes, or maybe I just relate to Him that way, and the theme of our life for the past several months has been COMMUNITY. We have been blown away by the blessing that God provides and continues to provide through the bonds we share and continue to build with our brothers and sisters in Him. We are not meant to journey in isolation but, in the Spirit, ministering grace, love, admonition, and hope to one another as we go along.

It seems to me that the very popularity of blogs and online communities are a testament to this sort of God-infused drive we have to operate within that sort of framework. It's something worth thinking about.

love,
grace

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Salvation Revisited (briefly)

If you read here much you know that I can't stand boiling Christianity down to heaven and hell. But....I was thinking about this question that a friend of mine asked me a while back.

"So, do you think gays will go to heaven?"

My answer was and still is....

"I hope so."

I can only be certain of my own salvation, and love others as I rely on Christ to continue to transform me into a greater reflection of Him. And, truthfully, I believe that the my reflection of Jesus IS my salvation....here and now. It's not something I'm waiting to pass into at the time of death. I'm not sure why, but I felt sort of led to share this today.

Have a great weekend everyone!

grace

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Thomas Merton

Kurt was telling me in the last comment section that I might enjoy Thomas Merton and I commented back to him that one of my favorite quotes (it's actually a sort of lengthy passage) is a Thomas Merton one. Thought I'd share it. This pretty much says it all for me.

"My Lord, I have no hope but in your cross. You by your humility and sufferings and death, have delivered me from all vain hope. You have killed the vanity of the present life in Yourself, and have given me all that is eternal in rising from the dead.
Why should I want to be rich when you were poor? Why should I desire to be famous and powerful in the eyes of men, when the sons of those who exalted the false prophets and stoned the true rejected you and nailed you to the cross?
Why should I cherish in my heart a hope that devours me - the hope for perfect happiness in this life - when such hope, doomed to frustration, is nothing but despair?
My hope is in what the eye has never seen. Therefore, let me not trust in visible rewards. My hope is in what the heart of man cannot feel. Therefore, let me not trust in the feelings of my heart. My hope is in what the hand of man has never touched. Do not let me trust what I can grasp between my fingers. Death will loosen my grasp and my vain hope will be gone.
Let my trust be in Your mercy, not in myself. Let my hope be in Your love, not in health, or strength, or ability or human resources.
If I trust You, everything else will become, for me, strength, health, and support. Everything will bring me to heaven. If I do not trust You, everything will be my destruction."

grace

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When Did You Get Saved?

In the particular church I'm affiliated with, almost without exception, folks can name you a day and even moment in particular when they "got saved". I've often felt (my own bias, i'm sure) shamed or weird in some way that I'm not able to do the same. I can't tell you exactly how old I was or commemorate that date in any way. (the whole blogging birthday thing got me thinking about this) I know I was a child, somewhere between the ages of 6 or 8, when I first genuinely believed that Jesus was God's son and He died to forgive me of the wretchedness of my sin. I'm not being sarcastic here. I knew, that early, that I was lost without Him and that I was sinful. I do remember knowing and having a full grasp of that fact. At some point later, when I was maybe 11 or 12, I knew, I just KNEW, that I needed to continue my journey in Christ with baptism. I felt called to be baptized, or, as we would say, "convicted" that I needed to be baptized. I knew that it was time to identify fully and publicly with the death and resurrection of Jesus. Most in my current church circle would say that it was at this point when I was truly "saved". And some, on the fringes of the circle I'm a part of now, would say I've yet to be saved because of the order in which I believed and a few other specifics about my baptism. So....take heart gay readers....there are those out there who think I'm going to hell right along with you! (please laugh heartily at this point)

Anywoo....I do have a point in all this.

Later, sometime during the middle of my first marriage, I began to question everything I'd ever been taught or thought I knew about being a Christian. At the low end of that journey, I even questioned the existence of a personal God who cared even one iota about the lives of any of us. I believed at that point that I was basically on my own, just battling it out one day at a time and trying to make the best of things and treat others fairly. I believed in God, but not as a personal sort of God who cared about my day to day life. My day to day life at that point was really great in many ways but totally SUCKED in so many other really important ways. Que sera' sera'. (i'm a child of the 70's and I hear Doris Day singing right now....bear with me...hehe!)

I'll cut the journey short here and make my point. It was during the time that I was divorced and on my own that I began to really search and seek God. Yet again. Why I would seek a God who I'd decided didn't care about me personally, I can only attribute to the wooing of the Holy Spirit. I do believe that He sought me; pursued me. (i've been thinking along this line as well due to kevin beck's recent post about a book i intend to read)

Finally, my point in all of this, is that salvation is a journey. It is not a one time event. It is certainly not within our realm of judgment to decide who is "in" and who is "out". We can only proclaim truth as we have it revealed to us (by way of scripture and the Holy Spirit) and keep on truckin'. (i told you i was a 70's child)

grace

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Shoot....I Missed It

I was sitting here thinking about the fact that it's been about 1 year since I started this blog. I checked. Yesterday was my blogging birthday! Oh well. It's only fair that since I'm horrible about remembering birthdays of anyone outside this household, I'd miss that one.

Nevertheless, I feel compelled to somehow commemorate it. I started the blog as a sort of "therapy" then went to visit our therapist about 10 days later and he suggested I start a blog. He asked, "Have you ever thought about writing a blog?" I replied, "I've thought about it." For some silly reason I didn't tell him I'd just recently started one! I have no idea why. It's not like I haven't shared many more intimate things with him. I guess I just took that as a confirmation that I was on the right track. And...apparently, I was (and he was) because I haven't been back to see him since! haha! Isn't that hilarious??? Don't worry, Tdub has contributed fairly regularly to the coffers of mental health and Dr. Austin's bottom line.

I think I will start a little tradition. I entered this quote on my first blog. I think I will repost it every year in honor of my blog birthday.

"Being in love is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by (in Christian marriages) the grace which both partners ask, and receive from God. They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other." C.S. Lewis

Isn't that just so very apropos? Now, Tdub and I are in a really good place right now. But...I'm not going to think all of you so gullible as to not know that there have been moments when the "like" left the "love". :) Not for a long time...but hey, it happens. I also love the use of the word "will" in this quote. It goes along with my "willful grace" name in that I must at times "will" myself to show grace.

I appreciate those of you who read and I'm way more affirmed than I like to admit over those of you who comment. Tdub and I have made at least one life-long friend (in the flesh!) because of this blog and many others who are still "virtual" and on the way to becoming life-long. It's been a good thing.

grace

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VBS

It's VBS week. With much help from others I turned our church parlor into an undersea coral reef by painting big murals on blue butcher paper. It's pretty cool, I guess. (that's my Napoleon Dynamite impression)

Tdub and I are in charge of an activity for tonight and we've done (well, tdub did it) something every kid would dream of doing in your church auditorium. Our church has these connecting chairs instead of pews so that you can arrange it in various ways. Tdub has created a giant maze (like a hedge-maze but with sturdy upholstered chairs) . Several different openings converge at a gigantic banner with a humongous red X labeled "x marks the spot" and then, "Where your treasure is there your heart will be also. Matthew 6:21". Many paths result in dead ends. They can run through the maze multiple times from various entry points and each time they make it to the X they get a "gold" coin that has a little picture on one side and a scripture reference on the other. Fun fun. At least that's our intention. We're encouraged by the fact that our youth pastor had a bit of difficulty making it through, which could mean absolutely nothing about the children's skill level regarding the maze. (hehe!) We'll see. We'd like for it to be just challenging enough to provide 15 full minutes of fun before the next group arrives. We want to avoid at all costs the nightmare of down-time in the presence of 20 to 30 young children.

Maybe I'll post some pictures of the maze and the murals later.

grace



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Everything Is Spiritual

We saw Rob Bell last Thursday night. If you are in or near one of the cities he's visiting through the end of the month.....GO! Just go. The lesson he's teaching is titled "Everything Is Spiritual". It's incredible. If it helps even one of you to spend $12 and 2 hrs. listening to him I'll add that in the venue we saw him in you could buy a beer or a mixed drink....and I think all the venues are like that. Also, the 2hrs. felt like 30 minutes. That doesn't hurt either.

That's the best I can do right now as far as a review. I'm still processing all of it. Oh....and know this; there is no heavy or light-handed emotionality to the event. Just a guy, walking onto a stage, in front of a giant whiteboard, and teaching. And it was riveting. There's no singing or altar call or anything churchy about it. That helped ME quite a bit since I don't care for frequent side dishes of manipulation offered when it comes to my spiritual food. I suspect it makes it more palatable for others as well. :)

grace


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Comment on a comment

Something Peterson (Toscano) wrote as a comment to my post about Tdub having a metaphorical pink stripe on his luggage has prompted me to write more. Since I'm bereft of ideas lately (for some unknown reason) and I don't think Peterson will mind, I'm going to just "go with it". Note: I can't tell you how happy it makes me to be able to have open dialogue and friendly relations with guys like Peterson. He's about as against ex-gay programs as one can get. And yet, I believe he operates mostly in a spirit of love and concern for others. I overlook things that could offend me on his blog because I'm an intelligent woman with my own blog on which to spout my beliefs. I have no patience for silly blog wars....let alone the time to conduct them.
Here's his comment:

"I know men with same sex attractions who remain married to their wives. One man, who identifies as bisexual, lives with his wife although they no longer have a sexual relationship. They remain companions in every other sense of the word. He says he is content, but adds that he is not sure about how his wife feels because she prefers to not discuss the issue. "

Apparently this approach works for this couple. But I'm telling you right here and now it would NEVER work for me or Tdub. It's messed up on so many levels as it pertains to our shared view of what marriage is all about.

#1 being the lack of sexual relationship. whoa! I'm good with the "companions in every other sense of the word" part but for us, it's that part of the relationship that keeps us wanting each other more and more sexually. As we continue to learn about each other, to know each other more deeply and fully in all sorts of situations, our sexual relationship continues to grow/deepen (whatever word i put there is full of innuendo ha!) as well. It's like the icing on a cake, the whipped cream on a sundae, a great highlight job after an awesome cut, or having your dentist offer to whiten your teeth at his cost. It's just SWEET.

The #2 way this scenario is a "no go" for us is the part of about not being sure how the wife feels because of not discussing the issue. Tdub and I discuss everything. We talk about everything from the lack of brownie chunks in our Blue Belle ice cream (appalling) to conjecturing over how many times and in what rooms we're afraid #1 has had sex with his girlfriend. We may have some catching up to do during extremely busy weeks...but...nothing is off limits. If we can't talk about it....then it's a discussion we need to have with the therapist either individually or together. End of story.

I'm certainly not picking on Peterson or his comment here. Not at all. Just using it as a springboard to share and write about how things work for us. I sometimes get the impression that my virtual gay friends may think we have just learned to be content with less and that's why this whole "ex-gay" thing works for us. Not so. My real life gay friends can certainly attest to this since they actually see us in living breathing color. Tdub and I are not settling for less, we are enjoying God's finest. In Him and in one another.

grace

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Home

It's good to be home. And yet, there's something I all ready miss about being at Casa. It's a sense of simplicity and purpose as well as the physical satisfaction of a hard day's labor. While we are there, we get up, work (digging ditches, shoveling dirt, mixing and pouring concrete, tiling bathroom walls, etc...), eat in the dining hall with the children (the food is good but no one cares what it is or complains because real work makes us truly hungry), we shower(or not) then play with the children for two hours in the afternoon (these children need nothing more than a ball, frisbee, or jump rope to have a really great time). The day at Casa concludes with a gathering together of the entire group where we sing a few choruses (some Enlish, some Spanish) and listen to a teen, youth intern, or other leader, give a short devotional reminding us that we are indebted to our creator for the opportunity to live, breathe, and just BE.

The first time I traveled to Casa I might've believe that I was bringing something to the children. I may have felt that they needed me or that I had something to offer them. I learned quickly, during that first visit, that the children had more to offer me than I could possibly bring to them. How could I ever impart strength, wisdom, character, or eternal knowledge to those who've been so blessed. I consider the children at Casa to be among the very elect, favored by God. While I am enslaved to all that surrounds me and must be purposeful about finding God's truths in all that I see, these little ones bask in the joy unspeakable that comes from relying fully on Christ. I must remind myself daily, even hourly, of God's hand in my life and of the fact that there's nothing I can do in and of myself. The kids at Casa learned early in life that they are at the mercy of something greater than they are able to control. They've been blessed with a keen understanding of the love, compassion, and mercy of a God who has not abandoned them in their time of need. I fail miserably when I find myself becoming discontent or wanting more in this life, when my Father has richly blessed me with so much more than I need. The kids at Casa have taught me that all my blessings are as a curse when I allow them to pull my focus away from the one from whom all blessings flow.

My mission now is to seek the simplicity and purpose here that I find when I travel to Casa. It's a physical trip. Tiring in a really good way. But the value in the journey is spiritual as I begin to apply these truths to my life back home.

grace

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Change....Is it possible?

I've come to realize that one of the reasons I'm "accepted" within the gay community (or at least the ones who read here) is because I'm so honest/transparent about Tdub's struggle with unwanted attractions. Even though Tdub refers to himself as straight and identifies himself as straight, the fact that he struggles at all with same sex attractions makes him gay in the eyes of some folks. What do I think about that? I just honestly don't care what folks call him. You can call him a giant polka-dotted turtle. He's awesome, no matter how you say it.

Tdub's priority, his goal, his absolute first and foremost mission in life, is to become more Christ-like. We, both of us, actually stumbled onto this mission of being Christ-like after having attempted miserably to be completely in charge of our own destinies. When we married, I honestly believe we were each still doing that very thing; trying our darndest to make things work out and be "whole" by our own means. It got ugly, pretty quickly, in our marriage. We each brought baggage (what baggage!!) that just couldn't get "checked" and thrown into the plane, arriving safely at the other end of the journey. It's as if God stopped us at the metal detector and forced us to rummage around and start pulling out the *crap*.....piece by piece. It was either that, or just turn around and go back from whence we came.

In some ways we are still at the metal detector and always will be, thanks to God's infinite grace. He is so patient and kind to us as we journey along. And yet, we've journeyed well beyond that first layover.

So, maybe Tdub's suitcase has a metaphorical pink stripe on it. Just sayin'. What's most important to me, is that now, his luggage has a much larger "grace" (as in me, whatever that would be) colored stripe as well as an even wider Christ-colored stripe. While there are many stripes on Tdub's luggage, I assure you, the the "grace and the Christ-colored stripes are widest.

Now, lest you feel sorry for him, and feel that he is some trodden down, beaten, shell of a man who can't/hasn't expressed himself fully as a sexual human being, lo these many years of marriage, think again. He is not and will not be that man. He's one of the most vibrant, excited, sexually expressive men I know. (as if i know alot of sexually expressive men..but still :) Maybe (hint, hint) he will comment on this post and give his input to this aspect of what I'm trying to communicate. He is incredibly awesome, after all. (you catch more flies with honey, ya'll)

Has he changed? Heck, yes!! Have I changed? Thank the LORD, yes!! Is Tdub sexually attracted to men? Not so much, and yet, while that pink stripe has shrunk it may never be completely annihilated. And you know what? I'm not concerned about that. I love the pink stripe. I'm all about the pink stripe. The pink stripe is part of who he is. While I'm thankful it's not the huge marking it once was on the luggage, when it seemed to over-ride so many of the other stripes, I don't wish it entirely vanished either.

I probably won't be posting again until after we return from our Mexico mission trip. Please comment if you wish, and know that I'll get back to you after July8. :)

love,
grace

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Summer Fun

Since returning from the lap of luxury in Palm Beach it's been full-tilt "life as we know it" here at our house.

I willingly and gratefully kept my best friend's 3 young children (who are as a niece and nephews to me) for 4 days, have had a root canal, worked (painted) on a 4th of July float project for our VBS, consulted and am in the process of beginning to paint a child's room for a friend (basketball motif), and started a brand new work-out regime. Oh yeah....I also COMPLETELY cleaned the downstairs including mopping ALL the floors so that our dear friend Emery could visit us and not be completely appalled at the state of our house! :) Oh....and I didn't mention that we've had numerous and sundry boys/girls (teenagers) in and out of here who are constantly needing food and leaving doors open and letting stray cats in and generally trashing up and stinking up the place unless you stay entirely on top of them which I am not prone to do. *big sigh* Oh well.

We leave VERY early this coming Saturday morning for a mission trip with our Youth Group. We are taking the 3 younger boys and it will be the first trip for #3 and #4. They are very much looking forward to it. This is where we'll be for the next week starting this coming Sunday. I appreciate your prayers for us and if you're looking for a worthwhile place to donate some tax-deductible monies...this would be a good one. We will spend the week working (hard labor) doing construction and improvement sorts of things at the children's home.

I may post again this week before we leave. But didn't want to fail to mention this trip and my absence should I not find time to post.

Happy Summer!

love,
grace


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My Views on Education

Norm! asked some very thought-provoking questions in his comment this morning. I'm going to attempt to state my views as coherently as possible.


Also, as an educator, what are you thoughts about gay/straight student clubs? In encouraging students to treat each other with respect and dignity, isn't it important for schools to allow student groups for minorities whether they be sexual, racial, or religious?

Student clubs are an important part of the high school years for many teens. The point of clubs is to give many different kids another avenue to "belong"; to feel they are contributing to something and are valued within a group. As long as we allow even one special interest club to form at school then we have to be very broad in terms of what other sorts of clubs we allow. That's part of the nature of public school. A public school is a microcosm of the society at large. As long as the activities of the club are not interfering with the learning environment (which is up to the administrator's discretion) then it should be allowed. The more controversial a student club is, in my opinion, the greater lengths that club should go to in order to prove it's a beneficial part of the school culture. For instance, if a Fellowship of Christian Athletes club formed in a school of high Jewish population, it would be disruptive for them to put up signs condemning Jews. Not to mention that it would also be very unChrist-like and defeat the purpose of having the club in the first place. In my opinion, special interest clubs should be able to post information about the times and places of their meetings, and then, just meet. All done.
So yeah, I think a gay/straight alliance club could be a very healthy thing and certainly a wonderful avenue to get some communication going after school hours. If I were an administrator and started having all sorts of issues between different student clubs that were interfering with the staff's ability to teach, I'd say "shut them all down." The most important thing that goes on at school is the learning environment. If done correctly, special interest groups at school can enhance that environment for kids by giving them a group and a place to belong. This, in turn, makes all the difference for some, particularly those on the "fringes" who can easily fall through the cracks if they are not connected in some way. *whew* that was long! sorry!


As for curriculum, how do you differentiate between teaching about a topic versus advocating a particular topic. I have heard some on the Right argue that simply mentioning homosexuality or diversity training is using schools to advocate for the gay agenda. And I have heard some on the Left argue that teaching the Bible or basic morality is the same as proselytizing. What are some of your views?

You know, there are probably those on the far Right(maybe not even so "far") who think I'm advocating homosexuality on this blog, would you agree? I've heard there is some sort of effort being made (and possibly a done deal) to include the topic of homosexuality in text books. I don't agree with that, and not necessarily because I think it's advocating it or not, but mostly because I think it's unnecessary based on the things I mentioned in my post yesterday. Diversity training does not need to include "facts" or theories about how one becomes gay. We don't actually know the answers to that. What we can teach, is that we treat one another as fellow humans. I won't repeat what I said yesterday. That's a human agenda, not a gay one. Basic morality can be taught without ever mentioning the Bible. There's an underlying moral code, a sense of wrong and right, which, in my opinion proves the existence of God. Certain moral codes are "innate". Using the Bible as a cultural or literature reference shouldn't be a problem any more than using Chinese proverbs or Greek mythology. I don't agree with using the Bible as a science textbook for the same reasons I don't think we need to teach the origins of homosexuality in a textbook. There are some pretty giant leaps of faith that must be taken in both those instances and you still don't really come up with any clear cut answers.

There are so many things that are appropriate and difficult enough to teach in public school to the diverse population of kids we get. It just bugs me to no end to have people who've never spent any time in a school deciding what we need to teach. Our plate is full right now. The last few generations and the ones coming up are needy and it is becoming more and more difficult to teach even the most basic of skills to these kids. Why we insist on convoluting our curriculums with things that we can't be sure of I don't know.

It is the responsibility of parents and churches to teach spiritual truths to children. Public school gets blamed for so many ills in society when all that public school can do is reflect society as a whole. It's a public institution funded by tax dollars in a democracy. The problems we have in school don't originate in the schools, they originate in the homes and families of the kids that are sent to school. Now I'm on another soap box! Better jump off right quick.

Thanks Norm! for stimulating my thinking about all this.

grace

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In my concerted effort not to become political on this blog *wink* I'm going to address a sort of political question that a very thoughtful commenter posted after my last little diatribe.

"I believe if states allow or acknowledge same-sex marriages, why won't homosexuality be taught as an acceptable norm in the schools?"

I'm a public school teacher, so I have an opinion about this from an educator's standpoint. Keep in mind as well, that I'm in Texas; a very conservative state that is probably decades away from legalizing same sex marriage, and certainly at least that far away from adding homosexuality to the curriculum in our public schools. And it doesn't NEED to be added. In my opinion, schools do not need to be teaching kids about sexuality of any stripe. Not only are there more questions than answers as to how our sexuality develops, we have more than enough curriculum, TESTED curriculum, to teach as it is.

Apart from tested curriculum I believe we have a responsibility to teach young folks how to be safe and healthy in all sorts of situations (including sexual), and we have a responsibility to teach them how to live and treat others (including their PARENTS) with dignity and respect. That should pretty much cover it. Other than that, we need to get them reading, writing, calculating, and learning how to continue to learn and think for themselves.

Homosexuality is a human condition involving real live people. Is it normal? Well, let me say this....knowing all that I know about Tdub, understanding his personality and temperament as I've come to do, and having the beliefs I have about how it came to be, I believe that for him to struggle with attractions to his gender is pretty darn normal. He's not a leper or an alien or an enemy of society. He's just a guy. If Tdub had grown up surrounded by folks in church who found people like him to be a little bit more "normal", he probably could have avoided many mistakes and heartaches to himself and others (like me). If he'd felt comfortable AT ALL sharing his heartache and pain, his inner "demons", well, we just don't know how things may have been different. On the contrary, he felt abnormal, weird, shunned, devalued.....and all because of something he had no real choice about.

I honestly don't know what the real answer is, but I do know that what we've been doing doesn't work for guys like my husband. They become victims both ways in this dilemma. Not that Tdub lives or perceives himself as a victim. He's an overcomer by the grace of God.

While I don't believe homosexuality needs to be taught in school, I believe in teaching students to treat others (including gays) with dignity and respect. Will legalizing same sex unions cause our school curriculums to change? From what I understand, that battle is already going on seperate and apart from the same sex union battle. It's two different issues as far as I'm concerned. I'll also add, briefly, that I do not want my kids recieving religious instruction in public school. I'll take care of that, thank you very much. We do that as it is right now since everything they learn in school doesn't necessarily line up with our religious worldview. We take care of that in our home on a case by case basis.

This is a rambling mess. Sorry. I'm a bit exhausted still from staying up too late watching that PATHETIC Mavericks game last night! augh!!!

grace


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Here's What I Want

I'm not into politics. I love people. All people. I believe that Jesus Christ came in the flesh and established the Kingdom of God...here....on this earth....right now, active. He did that so that we could all be reconciled to the Father and be at peace with our maker....come what may. I accept the Lordship of Jesus and am willing to partake of His suffering since I'm trapped here for the time being until he comes again.

So....what I would like to see happen....concerning (what i believe to be) the sin of same sex relations...is this.....

It's JUST a sin. It's not BIGGER than any other sin. We have MANY laws which give rights and privileges to those who sin. The sin of homosexual sex is no worse than the sin of adultery, fornication (same thing, pretty much since we don't let them marry), divorce, drunkenness, gluttony, gossip, masturbation(??), did I mention adultery and fornication?, neglecting children, addictions of all stripes. materialism.....etc., etc.,

The thing is....I am trapped in sinful nature and only Jesus can cleanse me of the things I commit within that nature. He doesn't cleanse me so that I get my ticket to heaven and avoid hell. I could care less about that. I rarely ever think of the afterlife. I don't find it to be a major concern in the book of ACTS, which is our model for going about and converting folks to the way of Christ. I want to serve Christ and I've committed my life to Christ....because of CHRIST. He's just so awesome. His ways complete me and fulfill me in a way that I can scarcely describe. I have determined that I will give up EVERYTHING for Him. Even if it means I am not complete physically or emotionally in this life.....I will put all of that aside so that I can draw closer to Him and His holiness. He is THAT good. It's crazy. I know.

I also trust Him enough to be able to LOVE my gay brothers and sisters.....really LOVE them....and not condemn them. I want them to have rights, freedoms, privileges....just as I do. I'm not sure where God will lead them when they come into relationship with Him. That's not my business. But.....I'm not going to go about trying to screw up their lives here in order to try and "save" them. I will continue to love and honor them as individuals. Their "sin" (in my opinion it's sin) is no worse than my sin. I will continue to extend grace just as grace continues to be extended to me. I am chief of sinners.

This is why I refuse to get involved in political arguments here on my blog. My goodness....if Jesus and the disciples had "gone political" we'd probably still be trying the case of Christ to this day. Jesus let all that politcal stuff just play out as it was....and....in the end, it proved His point completely. His kingdom is spiritual. Jesus is Lord.

grace


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Back to Reality

*big sigh*

Here we are, back to the "grind" of summer. ;) It's a far cry (way far) from Palm Beach living but I guess it'll do. The boys seem happy that we're back, although we must read this by their mostly pleasant dispositions and willingness to actually converse with us in what are more than two word sentences. They'd never come right out and SAY they missed us! Heaven forbid!

Tdub spent the entire day yesterday getting all our laundry done (all SIX of us, he's amazing) while I did my best to restore the kitchen/fridge to it's perpetual readiness for feeding frenzy. The contents of the fridge gets pretty disgusting with 10 days absence and it seems there's an endless stream of mouths needing sustenance around here. We were home less than 24 hours and had no fewer than 4 friends of one boy or another in and out.

I'm not complaining....really. Just sayin'.

The trip was one of the best we've ever shared alone together. Just the two of us during those last 4 days, relaxing and enjoying each other along with the sand, surf, pool, in-room movies, and ocean front seating to watch two of the Mavs games while being served delicious food and drink.

I've got some things on my mind to write about, but it's just not gelled into a complete or coherent thought at this point. Nothing to share except this sort of "state of the union" stuff at this point. I'm spending this evening planning and preparing for what I hope will be a special Father's Day on Sunday for Tdub. He's a good dad and he makes me a better mom.

Happy Father's Day to all of you.

love,
grace

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Thinking

While lying in a comfy chair between the beach and a pool today, accompanied by relaxing, instrumental music and the sound of the waves crashing on the sand, I did some thinking. The thought occurred to me of something that seems to lack consistency within the far right line of thinking in regards to sin prevention. Specifically, in regards to preventing homosexual acts of sin. This is just an example that jumped to my mind, but I feel certain I could probably think of others. However, the wind, the sea, and the music were begging me not to think TOO hard. :)

The far right seems to insist that the key to preventing gays from taking over society and destroying our culture is to convince the gays to change and be straight. That, and that gay relationships lack value and authenticity by working towards political ends which reinforce that thinking. (Honestly, I've decided that I have no problem with gay civil unions. Hate me, sue me, call me the anti-Christ. I just don't.) These same folks seem pretty thoroughly convinced that there are some basic deficiencies among gay folks that have made them gay. Most striking being the lack of a supportive, nurturing father and the presence of an over-bearing, domineering mother. (these, by the way, are part of Tdub's story, and, I might add MANY of the gays I know...particularly the father part) So....as I was lying there thinking....the thought occurred to me to wonder why the far right, if they truly believe gayness is overwhelmingly caused by these factors, do not focus on prevention and go after all these straight dads who have screwed up their sons? Why not attempt to eliminate gays by going to the supposed cause of gayness rather than attacking gays? Wouldn't it make more sense? And who would that hurt....really? It wouldn't hurt anyone. Furthermore, they'd be focusing on "their own kind" so to speak and I'd think their voice would be much more readily heard and adhered to in that camp than it is by the way they portray themselves now with gay folks. At the very least, hopefully, the boys of the world could get better dads....whether they continued to turn out to be gay or straight.

Again...and as always...I'm just thinking out loud here.

much love to you all,
(one more day here, then it's back to reality!)

grace

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Growth

Growth requires risk. It just does. Can't get around it no matter how hard you try.

During a pretty deep conversation we were having with our "family" friends here in Palm Beach the other night, Tdub shared his struggle with unwanted same sex attraction. No one dropped dead from shock....at least not at the news that he struggles.....but....there may have been a silent, yet collective gasp, at the fact that he was actually saying it, right out loud, in front of everyone.

I will never forget the time, several years ago, when we were going over to visit these same friends. (remember, this intimate group includes our gay friend who is also Tdub's boss) At that time, Tdub was barely into working on this journey, our marriage was still very fragile, and yet our faith was grounded completely in God and in continuing, come what may, with His guidance. On the way over, as Tdub and I were talking, I said, "You know, I believe that one day you'll be able to share all of this with *****." With a look and tone of sternness usually reserved for a misbehaving child Tdub replied, "I will never, ever, do that."

Growth. Risk. Come what may. That, to me, is what a life in Christ is all about.

grace

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Having a Lovely Time

Palm Beach is awesome. It is truly like a different world down here; particularly at this hotel where they wait on us hand and foot, serve us completely over-priced but delicious and artistically presented foods, and answer the phone when we push any button with, "How can I help you Ms. *******?" It's basically the complete and total opposite of life as we know it back home!

Many good things, great things, AMAZING things have happened all ready. This is, by the way, one of the times of the year when I get to spend lots of time with my very best gay friend. And it's good. He's really like a brother to me. The "business" of the trip begins tomorrow for Tdub and ends on Sunday. Then we have until the next Wednesday to enjoy our time here together.

I've got much to share but I want to process it more with Tdub before I put it out there for the world to see.

love,
grace

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Vacation (woo hoo!)

Tdub and I leave this Sunday for 10 days in Palm Beach, Florida. It's a business conference where Tdub's in charge of this HUGE production so he'll be working for 4 of the days....but....the other days we have all to ourselves! It's awesome. The company has been having the conference there for several years now so we're quite familiar with the area, the hotel, etc. Mostly, we're familiar with the BEACH! We both love spending time on the beach. If Tdub will let me knab his laptop for a bit after the conference maybe I'll be able to post an update or a picture or something. We'll see.

grace



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