I ended up having a talk only with #1 son. Not the girlfriend as well. It just turned out better that way for the time being. But...I fully intend to talk with her and look forward to this happening possibly this Wednesday. I expect to actually get more out of her, as far as actual words spoken, than I did my son. For some reason, boys seem to stop speaking in complete sentences (or sentences which contain more than 5 words) somewhere around the age of 13 or 14....and then seem to begin to come out of that....uh....well...I'll let you know when they completely emerge from it. It hasn't happened yet here.....which means we currently have two children who rarely utter complete sentences. This sounds really great....but...this is actually the TIME when complete sentences would be INFORMATIVE as opposed to ANNOYING. Funny how that works. (on a side note, aren't we glad that I've regained a sense of humor over the whole thing?? a good sign, no?)
Here's the gist of the conversation we had: (i'll refer to girlfriend as Tulip because that's one of my favorite flowers and she really is that pretty)
Me: So. I've talked with Tulip's mom.
Son: I KNOW Mom.
Me: She told me about what happened at their house.
Son: I KNOW that. Are you gonna tell me something I DON'T know?
(the respect he has for me, i know, is overwhelming)
Me: (firmly) You know, you need to watch your attitude here.
Son: Okay.
Me: I'm surprised that you were complaining that her parents just don't "know" you. Why would they want to know you after what you've done?
Son: I know Mom. I know I screwed up.
Me: But TWICE???? This has happened TWICE??? I have a hard time with that. Why in the world would they want to give you another chance or even care anything about you? (interrupting me)
Son: Ok Mom. I got that. I screwed UP! I know I totally screwed up!
Me: I understand you care about Tulip. I get that. But if you REALLY care about her, then you will respect her, and respect her parents. You will abide by THEIR rules.
Son: Are you going to tell me anything I don't know already?
Me: I guess not.
(big pause)
Son: I know Mom. I know.
Me: What about the sex? You know it's not right. Are you at least making sure she doesn't get pregnant?
(this REALLY makes him uncomfortable)
Son: I don't even care about that. I don't want to do that anymore, that's not what I care about.
Me: I hear that. But....are you making SURE she doesn't get pregnant?
Son: MOM!
Me: ARE YOU???
Son: YES!!!
Me: Okay. Well, you know what I think about all of it. I still want to talk with Tulip. And maybe talk with the two of you together.
Son: Okay. (at this point he just wants me to shut up so badly that he'll say ANYTHING)
Me: Okay.
And that's all I got for now. I feel better....even though I still feel horrible about the whole thing. I've emailed back and forth with Tulip's mother a few times. I expect the conversation with Tulip to go much smoother than the one with my son. How ironic is that? However, what I'm still very realistic about is this.....even though Tulip may talk a better game than #1....it's still just a gamble at this point and I have no control over any of it. And THIS....is parenting.
Please keep praying.
grace
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4 comments:
Grace:
Wow... this sounds tough. I know you guys are surely having a hard time knowing what to say, how to say it, and how to do this with much wisdom and grace. I'm praying that God will be working to bring newness in not only your son's life but in your's and Tdub's as well.
Hang in there. Love ya
Oh my....you are right. All of these things bring a newness of life, and it's depth and breadth to us as we go through it. God is sovereign. Jesus is Lord. This too, shall pass. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. I'm regressing into fortune cookie sayings even as we speak!! augh! *staring blankly at the screen*
love you too.
grace
Wow! I have been away from your blog, Grace, and look what happens -- all of the drama starts pouring out.
Frankly, it is good that you and #1 are speaking about this, and I hope that Tulip's parents are backing you up as well.
I remember my teenage days, and it was a good thing I was NOT having sex. I would not have had a lucid moment once my engine got revved up to think about consequences. Although I would not have wished the starchy upbrining I had on anyone, there is something to be said about waiting for the right time.
Hang in there!
Robert
Hey Robert! Why have you become such a stranger????? I miss you!
Starchy is not a good way to come up...in my opinion. Not that I've figured ANYTHING out as anyone can tell from my recent dilemma. But...I agree with you that starchy=not good.
Mostly I'm happy and blessed to have the sort of relationship I've built with him (and Tulip) that allows me the leverage to force certain issues and yet the trust to be open and honest about the reality of the situation. It's a tough line to walk. True love considers the feelings/wants/needs of the other but (in the case of children in the home) never allows those desires to stand in the way of healthy living (spiritually, physially, and emotionally). That may sound like a bunch of Mumbo Jumbo...but...it makes perfect sense to me! haha!
You gotta stop being such a stranger! Don't make me come over there!! ;)
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