Grace Returns Back

Many years ago, a friend told me, "a blog isn't a place to heal," and I remember feeling a bit defensive because writing about my experiences with t-dub felt like healing to me. Live and learn. My friend was right. A blog, or at least my blog, never was a good place to heal. But it did make me feel heard and understood and gave me a sense of release from some of the inner ramblings of my mind. 

 So here I am. 18 years after the split with t-dub, feeling once again a desperate need to feel released from the ramblings of my mind. That seems to be as good as it gets as far as blogging and writing in general goes. But that's enough. And there's always the chance that I'll be heard and understood, which would be a nice bonus. 

 And the healing. Well. The healing is still very much in progress and has been for low these many years. It's been a slow and arduous process with much to unravel. The religious stuff. The personal stuff. All the stuff. And the process has ramped up significantly over the past 3 years because I've moved back to the small town in Oklahoma from whence I came. The place where it all went down. Duncan, Oklahoma.

More to come...

Thanks for reading!

grace

The Boys

My biggest concern right now is the boys. When this all "broke" in our family last weekend, there was an immediate sort of solidarity that formed between them; different from the one they've always had where no one ever tells how windows get broken, who took the DVD player upstairs, or why and how there's a little mess of burned matches and a wax mess on the table in the family room. This was different. This was a "we want to remain brothers" sort of solidarity. Fortunately, #1 has been home a lot lately and he was there to listen to their initial concerns and provide them with some hope and comfort concerning the future of the family. #1 called me shortly after #2 and #3 had been given the news by Tdub. The conversation I had with him went like this:

#1: Mom.
Me: Yeah?
#1: I just told #2 and #3 that we would always be brothers and that I knew you would always be their mom.
Me: So, they told you? What did they say?
#1: They were just worried that they wouldn't see us anymore, that you wouldn't be able to be their mom and we wouldn't all be together anymore.
Me: What did you say to them?
#1: I told them that I KNOW my mom, and that you will get them on weekends or any other time they want to come over and we could still be together.
Me: Thanks for saying that. You're right. I'll talk to them about it too.

#2 is 15. He's the one I'm most concerned about. It's such a volatile age anyway, and then, to have such a major life-change coupled with this revelation about his dad. We are getting counseling for both of them. And Tdub has verbally committed to continuing his own counseling as he navigates this new path.

The sweetest memory occurred last Friday afternoon. I stopped at the house to talk with #2 alone. Tdub had shared with me in a late night conversation on Thursday that it was, indeed, over. It was important for me to talk with the boys separately and make sure they heard from me that I was in NO way abandoning them or have any intention of leaving them. I had the talk with #2 and it went really well. We both teared up a bit, but it went well in that I felt certain he heard and understood how much I love and care for him/them.

I went to our bedroom to pick up a few more things (#4 and I are staying with friends.....the house is too painful for me....it screams "US") As I came back out and was passing through the family room #2 stood up. He looked me right in the eye, and, with a bit of a crack in his voice said, "Mom, if you ever need anything, you know you can just call me." I have never been more proud to be his mother than at that moment.

love,
grace

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Tdub

I talked with Tdub tonight, in person. It was good. (at least that was my perception of things...you tend to doubt all your perceptions when something like this happens)
He'd been telling me that he'd written something he'd like to read to me and we had that opportunity tonight. I'm going to make an effort to express where he's coming from based on what he read to me tonight. It's important for me to process it, and I think it's an important peice of the giant puzzle that is gay, ex-gay, wanted vs. unwanted attractions.

I want to emphasize, first, that when I look at Tdub I don't feel anything but love. I consciously choose to look at him as I believe Jesus would. I WILL myself to extend grace to him even if he deserves judgement. I can't help but love and ache for him when I see him this way. He doubts God's love. He loathes himself. Hurting me and hurting our family is, in his mind, a matter of self-preservation at this point. I don't agree with his reasoning, and yet, I understand that it's the best he is able to do at this given moment.

In listening to his "treatise" as he called it, I heard one thing very plainly. He believed that marriage to me was part of the answer to his dilemma. He went into the marriage hoping that by marrying the "embodiment of God in a female" (or something like that, as he put it) healing would find him or he would find "it".

This never works. NEVER. If you are a same sex attracted guy who wants to get married and have a family....please KNOW this. NO WOMAN, no matter how wonderful she may be (heck, look at me!! hahahaha!!!) can help you.

This really is a journey one must make alone.....even if you're married. It can be done. I still don't doubt that. I see and know of specific things that were not acted upon. I know of more that could have been done had the heart been in the right place to do it. And yet, I understand and I'm sympathetic towards Tdub in that he is weary. I'm not going to stand in judgement of him. God will take care of that, in His time, in His way. And I pray for mercy for Tdub. I really do.

love,
grace



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Church

I didn't go to church this morning. Didn't go last week either. This thing all started last Friday night with an all night conversation. There's been no fighting, no yelling, stomping, screaming.....and no begging and pleading either. I'm pretty sure that sort of thing doesn't work. ;)

I'm going to write about it as I can.....and just so you know, your comments are a great comfort to me. I didn't respond to any of them in the last post as I normally do, and I may not for a while. But please know that I need that and it's one thing you can do that directly blesses me and reminds me, in a very tangible way, that God loves me and cares for me. God's love resides in the skin of real people who minister that love to one another tangibly. So, I'm thanking you all right now for doing that.

God loves Tdub as well. I recognize that a HUGE part of my heartbreak is the very heart of God breaking for him. In fact, I can testify to anyone reading here....God absolutely adores you and cherishes you and wants nothing more than to be in relationship with you. Most of you know this.....but I'm telling you, I don't think any of us truly understand or comprehend the depth and breadth of His great love. It is over-whelming, to put it midly.

That's all I've got for right now.

I'll write more as I can.

love,
grace

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It's Over

Tdub is leaving. He's giving up the struggle with unwanted attractions and coming out as gay. The most difficult thing to observe is the crisis of faith he's experiencing. It's very sad to me.

I will always love and care about Tdub. I love Him with the love of the Lord....and one day, it won't hurt like it does right now. I'm convinced that God is in the bad things as well as the good. And so, come what may, I carry on.

I'm not sure what direction the blog will go since I'm unsure of my direction at the moment. I hope you'll keep reading and praying for me as I work my way through it.

love,
grace



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A Woeful Tale

I've had a suggestion from Tin Man (a friend of mine) to blog about my laptop being on the fritz. I'd mentioned this briefly in a post a few days ago. So, in an effort to inject some lightheartedness into my world, I will do just that. Now, for your reading pleasure, is the tale of extreme stupidity....and it's all true.

The Laptop

(a tragedy)

Once upon a time, fair maiden Grace sat down at her computer, as she was oft apt to do. Upon supplying her maidenly password in an effort to check her maidenly email, she discovered that the maidenly "z" key was quite sticky. "Alas," she said to herself, "my z key seems to be sticking." Undaunted and determined, fair Grace proceeded to investigate the stickiness of the key. After much fiddling and fumbling with said key, fair Grace became more and more disturbed and challenged until the very existence of said "z" key was almost more than one as fair as she could bear. In what can only be described as the sort of determination generally attributed to triatheletes, Civil War heroes, or vacuum cleaner salespersons, our perky little heroin popped the "z" key completely free of it's once secure position on the keyboard. "Oopsy," Grace exclaimed. And then, gasping at the sight, "Ewwww!" For there, atop and around the soft rubbery nodule protruding now in the place where the "z" key once was, appeared a pea-sized dust bunny. Being a maiden as fair as she, Grace was quite appalled at the width and breadth of the dust bunny. She could quite easily grasp it between finger and thumb, remove it, and dispose of it. And that she did, quite to her pleasure. Cleanliness is, after all, next to Godliness; or so it's been said. Having never expected such a sight upon removal of the key, fair Grace was naturally curious as to what might lie beneath the other keys. And so, with wreckless abandonment, like a tornado in a trailer park, Grace proceeded to pop other keys from their positions. Finding and disposing of one dust bunny after another. Grace was approximately 14 keys into her cleaning frenzy when suddenly, and without warning, her sense of reason and sanity returned as clearly as if a voice had spoken aloud, "what about putting the keys back ON?" Grace immediately changed her course of action from popping off to popping on, finding the latter to be somewhat trickier than the former. When all was said and done, our poor defeated Grace had rightfully returned 4 keys to their proper positions, 1 key to an improper position, and had 9 keys left homeless; the tiny metal pieces they should clip to having been snapped completely away in her foiled attempts at returning them to their home. And, the "z" key, or rather, the rubber nub that was once a "z" key, was STILL sticking!

The moral of the story: Don't ever take the keys off your laptop, no matter how big, fat, furry, and disgusting the dust bunnies may seem!

Hopefully, my laptop will return soon. It's at technology and I'm pretty sure they're in no hurry to return it to me. *big sigh*

Keep praying for me!

love,

grace

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I Hurt

Deep, intense, and prolonged pain has placed me in a state that I can only describe as surreal. I wake up to each day, not really in it. My first thoughts are, "this is really happening, I'm living this, or is it living me?" I can't tell.

I'm certain of God. I'm certain of all the things I've always been certain of. I am not afraid of the future because God has redeemed my past.

And yet, I hurt.

grace

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Pain

I had my best 4-year old friend with me in the car for a bit yesterday. I'm going through a bit of a rough patch at the moment and it was obvious to her. As we drove along, her lilting voice peeped up from the back seat said, "Ms. P, God can see right through your skin."
*****

Psalm 34

I will extol the Lord at all times,

his praise will always be on my lips.

My soul will boast in the Lord;

let the afflicted hear and rejoice.

Glorify the Lord with me;

let us exalt his name together.

*****

God is so awesome. And He can see right through my skin.

grace

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I'm Tired....Read This Email

Today was my first official day back to school. The kids don't start until next Tuesday but I'm wiped OUT! ha! Because of my wiped-out-ed-ness along with a little computer problem which is a story unto itself that I won't share now (my laptop is on the fritz so I'm having to use the one the boys use...and run them off of it to use it)....I'm going to share an email for a post today.

Someone unknown to me sent me this article, "When the Beard Is Too Painful to Remove", from the NY Times and wanted me to give them my opinion of it. Specifically, they wanted to know if I thought it was accurate and fair. And so, I'll share my response to them with you and then my post will be done for today! It's a win, win. Even if you don't read the article, this reply will probably make sense to you.

love,
grace

Dear XXX,

I assume it's accurate, and......uh...as for fair....well, there's not much "fair" about anything that's as messy as this stuff in life. I know you are talking about an article and wondering whether or not I perceive it to be fair....but, the reality is, that my own bias predicts not only my attitude about it's being fair but the attitude of the person who wrote it. I don't think much of journalism is actually "fair"....but I've come to expect that about it. If I wrote a similar article, it could be highly accurate, and more or less fair, because I'd be writing it. Does that make sense?

These situations are so removed from the one my husband and I share that it's almost like comparing apples to oranges. The biggest difference is the worldview. My husband and I share a worldview that is defined by shared religious beliefs. We have managed, only because of those shared beliefs, to rebuild a relationship of trust.

This article doesn't describe anything like that, but I assume it's accurate in describing what is going on in these situations. I do agree, and told my husband this from the beginning, that if a husband wants to seek same sex relationships, at any level that is sexual, he needs to divorce the wife and move on. In one of the stories in the article the man described his wife as his best friend and then it went on to say that he had relations with men that he'd kept secret from her. His definition of a best friend is very different, apparently, from mine or my husband's.

Does this response even begin to answer your questions about my opinion? I don't really have anything bad to say about these folks....they are big people and can decide for themselves what works best for them. The sort of thing described in these articles wouldn't work for us at all.

love,
grace



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New Blogger

Our friend Jay just started a blog. He's a guy who struggles with unwanted attractions but mostly he's just a really sweet and SMART friend we've made here online. Check it out. I'll add him to my links on the side.

grace

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Happy Birthday #3

#3 is 13 years old today. This means that in another 8 months Tdub and I will be residing with 4 "official" teenagers. Heaven help us!

#3 is probably the child of the 4 who gets the least "air time" from me. It's not because he's a problem, it's really quite the opposite. He is the child who is, overall, the easiest to communicate with and manage. He has a heart of pure gold and tends to take things very literally. He's the one who gets the virus in your computer because he was just CERTAIN he was going to get a free DVD player after jumping and clicking through all the necessary hoops. He's a tad trusting, as well.

This baby's momma left Tdub when he was only 18 mos. old. Tdub tells the funniest story about potty training him. He says he held him tightly, looked him square in the face, and said "(H), YOU HAVE TO DO THIS." And it worked. He was potty-trained at 18 mos. old. That's pretty early for a boy. I'm certain this kid would do just about whatever Tdub asked when it gets right down to it. He's a "daddy's boy" in the sweetest sense of the word.

One of the other attributes of #3 that makes him so awesome is his love for #4. You know a bit about #4 if you've read here much. He's our "baby", the OCD, more sensitive and downright moody child of the bunch. Very difficult to deal with at times. And yet, #3 seems to have the patience of Job at times with #4. #3 absolutely loves him(#4) in spite of how ruthless and mean he can be. #3 is such a blessing in so many ways to #4 and it's my prayer that as they grow to adulthood this will become apparent and their relationship will deepen.

#3 is a great athlete. He's not just good at sports, he is motivated to do whatever it takes to get better. He's the one who got up at 5:30, any day that Tdub would take him, to go to the health club and work out during the last school year. We were shocked in the beginning, and I still wonder how much of the motivation is toward sports and how much is his desire to please Tdub or even just spend time with him. Either way, it's not typical behavior for a 12 yr. old and it's admirable.

He's just a really neat kid.....uh.....wait.....teenager.

Happy Birthday to #3! I thank God inside every time I hear you call out "Mom" to me.

grace


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Fantastic Book

I just finished reading "The Kite Runner" by Khaled Hosseini. If you're looking for a great read, the sort of novel that makes you long to get back to it and then keeps you up WAY longer at night than you intended, this is it. Here's a quote near the end that leaped out to me. (oh, and I'm still sniffling after having finished it about 15 minutes ago)

"Closing Sohrab's door, I wondered if that was how forgiveness budded, not with the fanfare of epiphany, but with pain gathering its things, packing up, and slipping away unannounced in the middle of the night."

It's a powerful story.

grace

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End of Summer Addiction

For those of you who haven't read everything I've written here, I'll remind everyone that we don't have television in our home. Mind you, we have a TV, several actually, but we have no cable with which to view actual shows on the televisions. The boys do have video games and, seeing as Tdub is a complete movie fanatic, we do own, rent, and watch lots of movies. We've continued to find more reasons NOT to subscribe to cable TV than reasons to go ahead and do it. We think it's been good for our family. I won't preach about it. And I'll even add that our children are certainly no less "wordly" acting than other children. (as if this were a concern) I'm just saying that it's not as if we're Amish and our children go around wearing knickers, button-up white shirts, and bow ties. Far from it. I can't imagine how much more "worldly" our children could look, or at times act, if we DID have television. Scary thought. I'll just leave it at that and move on.

For the second summer in a row Tdub and I have become semi-addicted to a television show that's out in DVD format. Last year it was "Arrested Development". We went on a two week "Arrested Development" frenzy toward the end of the summer and had the best time with it. We'd watch show after show, staying up way past Tdub's bedtime, even repeating some of them just to catch various nuances that we'd possibly missed before. We laughed and laughed and thoroughly enjoyed that show. The DVD versions are also nice because you can watch mounds of shows with no commercial interruptions and no waiting an entire week for another show to play. Why take away small bits of valuable time (which you could use for surfing the internet) once a week during the regular TV season when you can blow an entire two weeks worth of nights in one fell swoop at the end of summer? At least that's our philosophy.

This summer our addiction has become "Lost". We are two discs away from viewing the entire first season. Two discs that we have a "date" to begin watching around 9 o'clock this evening. I can't wait! This show is about the stupidest thing I've ever seen and I LOVE IT!!!!! :P They keep bringing in all these different weird events and leaving us hanging, way out on a limb at the end of each episode. It's insane. But we can't seem to get enough of it. I honestly don't think I'd be able to get into a show like this on a weekly basis. I'd be way to frustrated by some of the stupidity of it. But, watching it in great chunks on a DVD is highly entertaining to both of us.

DO NOT SPOIL anything for us if you watch it and are going to comment. Although, I'm much more inclined to enjoy spoilers than Tdub. ;) He gets so mad at me when I go online and find info. about the show. He's also one of those who refuses to open ANY presents until Christmas morning. We're so different that way. If you watch it, do comment and let us know what you think.

grace

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Tdub on the Goatneck

Here is a link to Tdub, the bike riding stud. I love that guy!

grace

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Great Weekend

Tdub and I had a great weekend. It was one of the last weekends of summer as it's all coming to a speedy end. Tdub is usually quite anxious for the start of school so that the rest of the house will get back to a normal bedtime routine.

The highlight of our weekend was the Goatneck bicycle ride. Tdub and a friend did the 41 mile route (there was also a 100K). I was SO proud of him! I found a picture of him that I'll link to if I get his permission when he gets home later. It was exciting to be at the finish line and cheer him on as he made his way across. We've been looking for an activity we'd enjoy together and we both think this would be a good one. I'm not anticipating doing a 41 mile ride to start, but, there was a shorter 27 mile route I could have taken if I'd been ready. The 41 pushed Tdub really hard but he made it in fine shape with only a bit of soreness to show for it.

After the ride, several friends joined us at our house for an evening of food, drink, and lots of laughter. We were all reminded, yet again, how small our big world can be as we found all sorts of common friends and connections among the group we had gathered together. Sometimes I sense that God works in themes, or maybe I just relate to Him that way, and the theme of our life for the past several months has been COMMUNITY. We have been blown away by the blessing that God provides and continues to provide through the bonds we share and continue to build with our brothers and sisters in Him. We are not meant to journey in isolation but, in the Spirit, ministering grace, love, admonition, and hope to one another as we go along.

It seems to me that the very popularity of blogs and online communities are a testament to this sort of God-infused drive we have to operate within that sort of framework. It's something worth thinking about.

love,
grace

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Salvation Revisited (briefly)

If you read here much you know that I can't stand boiling Christianity down to heaven and hell. But....I was thinking about this question that a friend of mine asked me a while back.

"So, do you think gays will go to heaven?"

My answer was and still is....

"I hope so."

I can only be certain of my own salvation, and love others as I rely on Christ to continue to transform me into a greater reflection of Him. And, truthfully, I believe that the my reflection of Jesus IS my salvation....here and now. It's not something I'm waiting to pass into at the time of death. I'm not sure why, but I felt sort of led to share this today.

Have a great weekend everyone!

grace

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Thomas Merton

Kurt was telling me in the last comment section that I might enjoy Thomas Merton and I commented back to him that one of my favorite quotes (it's actually a sort of lengthy passage) is a Thomas Merton one. Thought I'd share it. This pretty much says it all for me.

"My Lord, I have no hope but in your cross. You by your humility and sufferings and death, have delivered me from all vain hope. You have killed the vanity of the present life in Yourself, and have given me all that is eternal in rising from the dead.
Why should I want to be rich when you were poor? Why should I desire to be famous and powerful in the eyes of men, when the sons of those who exalted the false prophets and stoned the true rejected you and nailed you to the cross?
Why should I cherish in my heart a hope that devours me - the hope for perfect happiness in this life - when such hope, doomed to frustration, is nothing but despair?
My hope is in what the eye has never seen. Therefore, let me not trust in visible rewards. My hope is in what the heart of man cannot feel. Therefore, let me not trust in the feelings of my heart. My hope is in what the hand of man has never touched. Do not let me trust what I can grasp between my fingers. Death will loosen my grasp and my vain hope will be gone.
Let my trust be in Your mercy, not in myself. Let my hope be in Your love, not in health, or strength, or ability or human resources.
If I trust You, everything else will become, for me, strength, health, and support. Everything will bring me to heaven. If I do not trust You, everything will be my destruction."

grace

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When Did You Get Saved?

In the particular church I'm affiliated with, almost without exception, folks can name you a day and even moment in particular when they "got saved". I've often felt (my own bias, i'm sure) shamed or weird in some way that I'm not able to do the same. I can't tell you exactly how old I was or commemorate that date in any way. (the whole blogging birthday thing got me thinking about this) I know I was a child, somewhere between the ages of 6 or 8, when I first genuinely believed that Jesus was God's son and He died to forgive me of the wretchedness of my sin. I'm not being sarcastic here. I knew, that early, that I was lost without Him and that I was sinful. I do remember knowing and having a full grasp of that fact. At some point later, when I was maybe 11 or 12, I knew, I just KNEW, that I needed to continue my journey in Christ with baptism. I felt called to be baptized, or, as we would say, "convicted" that I needed to be baptized. I knew that it was time to identify fully and publicly with the death and resurrection of Jesus. Most in my current church circle would say that it was at this point when I was truly "saved". And some, on the fringes of the circle I'm a part of now, would say I've yet to be saved because of the order in which I believed and a few other specifics about my baptism. So....take heart gay readers....there are those out there who think I'm going to hell right along with you! (please laugh heartily at this point)

Anywoo....I do have a point in all this.

Later, sometime during the middle of my first marriage, I began to question everything I'd ever been taught or thought I knew about being a Christian. At the low end of that journey, I even questioned the existence of a personal God who cared even one iota about the lives of any of us. I believed at that point that I was basically on my own, just battling it out one day at a time and trying to make the best of things and treat others fairly. I believed in God, but not as a personal sort of God who cared about my day to day life. My day to day life at that point was really great in many ways but totally SUCKED in so many other really important ways. Que sera' sera'. (i'm a child of the 70's and I hear Doris Day singing right now....bear with me...hehe!)

I'll cut the journey short here and make my point. It was during the time that I was divorced and on my own that I began to really search and seek God. Yet again. Why I would seek a God who I'd decided didn't care about me personally, I can only attribute to the wooing of the Holy Spirit. I do believe that He sought me; pursued me. (i've been thinking along this line as well due to kevin beck's recent post about a book i intend to read)

Finally, my point in all of this, is that salvation is a journey. It is not a one time event. It is certainly not within our realm of judgment to decide who is "in" and who is "out". We can only proclaim truth as we have it revealed to us (by way of scripture and the Holy Spirit) and keep on truckin'. (i told you i was a 70's child)

grace

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Shoot....I Missed It

I was sitting here thinking about the fact that it's been about 1 year since I started this blog. I checked. Yesterday was my blogging birthday! Oh well. It's only fair that since I'm horrible about remembering birthdays of anyone outside this household, I'd miss that one.

Nevertheless, I feel compelled to somehow commemorate it. I started the blog as a sort of "therapy" then went to visit our therapist about 10 days later and he suggested I start a blog. He asked, "Have you ever thought about writing a blog?" I replied, "I've thought about it." For some silly reason I didn't tell him I'd just recently started one! I have no idea why. It's not like I haven't shared many more intimate things with him. I guess I just took that as a confirmation that I was on the right track. And...apparently, I was (and he was) because I haven't been back to see him since! haha! Isn't that hilarious??? Don't worry, Tdub has contributed fairly regularly to the coffers of mental health and Dr. Austin's bottom line.

I think I will start a little tradition. I entered this quote on my first blog. I think I will repost it every year in honor of my blog birthday.

"Being in love is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by (in Christian marriages) the grace which both partners ask, and receive from God. They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other." C.S. Lewis

Isn't that just so very apropos? Now, Tdub and I are in a really good place right now. But...I'm not going to think all of you so gullible as to not know that there have been moments when the "like" left the "love". :) Not for a long time...but hey, it happens. I also love the use of the word "will" in this quote. It goes along with my "willful grace" name in that I must at times "will" myself to show grace.

I appreciate those of you who read and I'm way more affirmed than I like to admit over those of you who comment. Tdub and I have made at least one life-long friend (in the flesh!) because of this blog and many others who are still "virtual" and on the way to becoming life-long. It's been a good thing.

grace

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VBS

It's VBS week. With much help from others I turned our church parlor into an undersea coral reef by painting big murals on blue butcher paper. It's pretty cool, I guess. (that's my Napoleon Dynamite impression)

Tdub and I are in charge of an activity for tonight and we've done (well, tdub did it) something every kid would dream of doing in your church auditorium. Our church has these connecting chairs instead of pews so that you can arrange it in various ways. Tdub has created a giant maze (like a hedge-maze but with sturdy upholstered chairs) . Several different openings converge at a gigantic banner with a humongous red X labeled "x marks the spot" and then, "Where your treasure is there your heart will be also. Matthew 6:21". Many paths result in dead ends. They can run through the maze multiple times from various entry points and each time they make it to the X they get a "gold" coin that has a little picture on one side and a scripture reference on the other. Fun fun. At least that's our intention. We're encouraged by the fact that our youth pastor had a bit of difficulty making it through, which could mean absolutely nothing about the children's skill level regarding the maze. (hehe!) We'll see. We'd like for it to be just challenging enough to provide 15 full minutes of fun before the next group arrives. We want to avoid at all costs the nightmare of down-time in the presence of 20 to 30 young children.

Maybe I'll post some pictures of the maze and the murals later.

grace



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