Friday, January 11, 2019

You don't have to live like a refugee.-Tom Petty

I was thinking about deleting my last post, but I decided against it. I'm just going to be real. I'm going to write things here "on the fly" and let it go. Why shouldn't I? I mean, we're only talking about grammar problems for the most part, and a lot of the people who may actually read this won't recognize those problems.  I'm not a great writer when it comes to grammar. I want to be. I'm still learning. And yes, I'm a public school teacher. I think that statement alone inhibits me from being free with my writing....in more ways than one. LOTS more ways.

Maybe that's what I should write about. I don't know. I'm still figuring it out.

I'm writing all of this here for C and K and D. My grandchildren. And they're just the beginning. Those initials represent individual lives who will one day be my age. They'll be 55 years old and wondering how the heck they arrived at the place where they are. And if they've learned grace...even if it's willful grace (the kind you have to pretend to extend until you're able to actually extend it) it will be enough. And that's all any of us really need. Enough.

I've been attempting for a good while now to figure out WHY the heck I married T-dub in the first place. I'm pretty sure I've figured it out. And I've forgiven any perceived (by me) wrongs done to me that resulted in my decision to marry him. I'd go so far as to thank them, but that would be making a commitment to willfully hurting others in the same way. I can't do that. But I can thank GOD for allowing me to live and learn through the situations that I've been through.

I could rewrite the previous paragraph with the name of my first husband replacing T-dub. That's tough for me. WAY tougher than dealing with the reasons I married T-dub. But I do understand now exactly why and how I decided to make that choice as well. And I don't regret it because I understand fully why I did it. And because that marriage produced two of the finest human beings who will ever grace planet Earth.

I'll stop for now. I have school tomorrow.

Thanks for reading. Whoever you are.

peace&love and grace,

pam


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