New Blog by a 40 yr. old Friend of Mine

Do I not get a teensy weensy bit of revenge for not getting to plan and/or be around for Tdub's 40th birthday last month???

INTRODUCING....

T-dub's Blog

Enjoy.

(i'd say something about him being my blog baby...but then that could get all creepy cause then i'd be his "mom" and his "ex-wife" and then we'd have to make up one of those stories like the one about the dr. who couldn't treat the boy because "it's my son" and then everyone can't figure it out because the dr. was a woman. *yes, i've completely lost my mind* just go read tdub's new blog.)

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Question

If Tdub wrote a blog would you read it? Could you read it and respond to him with the same sort of grace and compassion with which I respond to him? I know you could, because almost everyone here has done that with me over these years.

I honestly don't hold any bitterness in my heart for Tdub. I love him as a brother. If anything, I have a stronger compassion for him than for lots of other "sinners" because I had a front row seat to the turmoil that raged in his heart and mind. When I call him a "sinner" I'm speaking specifically about the sin of abandoning me. Yep, I believe that was a sin. But, guess what? I've forgiven him and so has God. He is released to go on with his life with my love and best wishes. Real forgiveness means I don't wish him any harm and, if possible, I will even do things to help him. Tdub repented of that sin. Does repentance mean that he has to get back in reparative therapy to try and be straight, or take a vow of celibacy? Nope. His repentance for abandoning me has really nothing to do with his sexuality and everything to do with his relationship with me and his commitment to not repeating that particular offense.

Let's say I did believe, full on.....that under no circumstances whatsoever should Tdub ever engage in any sort of sexual relations with another man? What then? How would I treat him then? I'll tell you, I'd treat him the same way I treat him now. As a brother. That's what Christ calls me to do. That's what he did. He didn't follow those folks around that he healed to make sure they did everything just right from then on. I'll bet some of those people committed more sin.....ya think???

I'm trying to get Tdub to start writing a blog. Can you tell? He needs to work through so many issues and blogging is such a great outlet for that. I consider it an act of obedience and God has honored it and used it to bring me a great deal of compassion, insight, friendship, and self-discipline. I've got reams of stuff I've not written about yet, so I don't imagine I'll be stopping anytime soon.

If you have the time, leave a comment of encouragement for Tdub.

love and grace,
pam

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Counting My Blessings

It's a beautiful rainy day here which caused me to sleep in until almost 10:30! I'm not good at sleeping past 7:30 or 8:00 unless the light from the outside fools my body into thinking it's still very early. It's such a blessing to have these weeks off in the summer so that I can arrange a move like this and have these days to organize and set up. Times like this make me ashamed at the amount of internal whining I allow myself.

I'm freakin' blessed!

Here are a few pictures for your viewing enjoyment.
These first two are looking out the front door onto our massive and wonderful front porch. The school is just across the street! I imagine there'll be days on end during the school year that I don't bother using my car at all because I'm such a "homebody".

Next, a few different views of the living room. I absolutely LOVE decorating. It's the artist part of me wanting to set everything up like some sort of "still life" portrait. In fact, if any of you want help in that area, I'll work for airfare and food. :) You think I'm kidding???

And here's little "golden boy", Drew, still lazing about on Mom's bed. I'm posting this while banking on the fact that checking my blog is something he does very very rarely. This is the little arrangement I made with my high chair seat, my baby dress, a shoe, a mitten, my pink baby sweater, a favorite babydoll, and "Blue", a sort of pillow/dog who used to talk when I pulled the string at the back of his bottom.

Thanks for enduring my self-absorbed ramblings. For me, just knowing that even a few folks 0ut there give a darn about my life and are willing to lend an ear to what I have to say is incredible to me. I am TRULY BLESSED!

much love and grace,
pam


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Addicted to Stuff

Moving for the 3rd time in the span of 2 years has enlightened me to a very sad truth. I'm addicted to STUFF. I hate stuff, and I love stuff. I have way too much of it, which I hate, yet I want to hold on to it because I "love" it.

Why do I save things like the boys' big Duplo blocks? (duplos are the giant versions of legos that toddlers play with) I'll tell you why. Because I intend to have grandchildren play with those blocks and I'll take pictures of them and put them in frames next to pictures of their dad playing with those same blocks. I'm insane like that. I also enjoy playing with Duplo blocks a great deal myself...which is probably at the heart of the entire matter. Sadly.

Why do I keep a box full of the extra papers and worksheets that didn't make it into the already bulging scrapbooks I made for the boys for each of their school years? I don't know. Maybe I think that one of them will invent the pill that cures cancer and I'll be in charge of setting up a museum chronicling each detail of their life including all the hours they spent being bored in a classroom doing mindless worksheets. I mostly saved the ones that have cute little scribbles or doodles on them since this stuff somehow gives me a glance into the inner-workings of their little minds. What I'm saying is, I actually DID throw a ton of things away. But I have these. And I want to keep them. Why?

Why do I save so many books? I'm going to be honest here...and this is a testament to the fact that as much as I think I trust in God, I simply do not fully trust. I actually think that maybe at some point, like when I'm dead, my boys might find some of those books I had that were particularly meaningful to me and read them. They might be inspired or touched in such a way that they will live their lives with more purpose or be more able to weather the storms of their lives. I should just pass those books on or get rid of them and allow God to take care of my boys the way He is now. But...what if God is the one inspiring me to save them so that my boys will one day read them? See how nuts I am?

Listen to this one. I've got this little wooden curio type thing that I bought when Daniel was a baby. It's little wooden blocks that spell out Daniel, one letter on each block, and then there's a little wooden Bible character (Daniel) and a little wooden lion that goes with it. In all the divorcing, moving, blah blah blah - the N from the set of blocks is missing. So, it can only spell Daiel. BUT....if you position the little lion just right he sort of takes the place of the N and it still looks like it says Daniel. And I have this thing in a box and I can't get rid of it. I hate it and I love it.

If the first step is admitting you have a problem...then...here I am. Step 1.

What next?




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Status of the Quo

It's officially summer for me. Yippee!

I'm getting ready to move across town in my attempts to reorganize my life so that I have enough money to buy things like food and gasoline after paying for things like shelter, transportation, communication devices, and insurance to protect all of the former. Basically, the way it's worked in my current arrangement is that my salary was just enough to provide those things, but the downside was that I had to sit perfectly still inside my shelter for the entire month and eat saltine crackers. That was sort of depressing.

I feel compelled at this point to add a huge "thank-you" to some of you very kind readers who found something to purchase from my Etsy Shop even though I know you really don't need any of the stuff I make. But, I know you found something to buy just because you care so much. Furthermore, I want you to know that I'm saving the money in the PayPal account I have set up there for either an unforeseen "emergency" of some sort or to use at Christmas next year for the boys. I literally break down and cry every time someone buys something I've made. I'm not sure what's up with that, but that's what happens.

So, in reorganizing my life and finances, I'm moving across town. Not to worry, because in Sulphur, across town is a whopping 4 blocks. I'll be sharing expenses there with a teacher friend. She, like me, was new to the area last year which is nice because those of us who didn't rise up from the dirt of Sulphur (even though my family technically did) have to stick together around here. Remember last fall when I went on and on about how quaint and wonderful it was to live in a small community blah-de-blah? Yeah. Well. The downside to that arrangement is that half the town knows what you bought at the grocery store before you're done unloading the bags at home. That being the case, certain items (which fortunately aren't things I need or purchase) become outrageously expensive when you tack on the 30 mile trip to the next town to purchase them. These gas prices. *geez*

Along with the shared rent and expenses, my dad took me to his credit union - the one he uses, not a credit union that he actually "owns" - and helped me get my car refinanced. He's also going to be adding me to his cell phone service so I'll finally have an OK number and NO phone bill. If you're in my address book I'll send a message when that changes. All of these things will pare down my living expenses by about $400 a month. I'll be able to buy butter to smear on my saltines! Just kidding. It will be great - super - awesome.

I'll post pictures of the new digs soon. It's a 1940s craftsman style home (if i'm paying attention to HGTV properly, that is), and it's been completely remodeled. Very cool. It's also DIRECTLY across the street from our school. By that I mean that I can open the door of the school and see the house, or vice versa. Or, for fun, we could sit on our front porch during recess and covertly throw rocks at students we don't like. Ha. Ha. That's crazy. We love ALL the students. We'd never ever want to throw rocks at ANY of them. ;) I suspect we'll become the receiver of a few childhood "pranks" like toilet-papering or egg-throwing because of this move. Let's face it, even 6th graders who LOVE their teachers are still 6th graders.

I've got a TON of stuff to accomplish before the move next weekend. Which is why I've spent the better part of the morning blogging and catching up on blogs. Nothing seems to motivate me more to write than having 14 zillion more important things to do.

Keep in touch!
love and grace,
pam

p.s. I sat down to write something titled "Culture Warriors" and the above popped out instead. Go figure. Guess I'll give that piece a go after the big move. ;)



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