Sunday, October 05, 2008

Online Connections

I still get emails quite frequently from someone who's been reading the blog for years or sometimes someone who's stumbled onto it and read the whole thing over the course of a night or a couple of days. It's awfully encouraging to hear from other men and women who've found encouragement here. I don't think they actually find answers (and I'm certainly not arrogant enough to think I actually have any of those), but they do find that the way they are feeling is "normal" and that it's possible to maintain some level of sanity and a positive outlook in the midst of a purely tragic situation.

Then, occasionally, I'll stumble onto a blog out there from a woman or man who is at this moment living the sort of tragedy that I lived during my marriage to Tdub. It's tough to read, yet I'll find myself reading it in the same sort of way I can't stop scratching a mosquito bite.

I've been reading one of those stories lately. I'll not link to it because I'm not sure they'd want more attention brought that way and they appear to have their own little blog circle of friendship formed much the way I have mine here.

Many of the circumstances of their story are different. They've only ever been married to one another and their children belong to them together. They're not involved in any sort of therapy to try and change or manage the guy's attractions to other guys. They are both blogging about their experiences and feelings. Also, and I admire this so much, the guy came out to his wife of his own volition. He wasn't acting out sexually or forced to come clean with her because their marriage was in deep trouble. Basically, it appears to me that she is his best friend and he could no longer keep it from her, even though he apparently married her believing that it was something he could "work through" or "get past".

And that's where the stories, theirs and mine, intersect in a way that brings it all rushing back and gives me a kinship with them that runs deep, cutting to the very core of who we are as human beings. Reading their story reminds me of the reasons I started blogging in the first place. It's connection. Finding other folks who related to me, particularly in the middle of something so daunting, gave me a sense of purpose and even hope that all was not, and is not, for naught.

There's nothing much worse than living as a victim in some sort cruel play. It's a hopeless feeling. But somehow, knowing that I was not alone, gave me hope.

I want that couple to know that there is hope, so I'll keep checking in on them. And even though there are times as I read their story that I feel like I'm watching a train wreck in slow motion, I'm here for them. Just as so many of you have always been here for me.

love and grace,

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Curlz said...

Pam - you are indeed an encouragement and inspiration, wise and loving beyond your years. Thank you for sharing your heart ~ Curlz

Jen said...

Pan, I found your blog through the one of which you speak. I would love to learn more about your story and if you would like to share over at my blog I would love to have you as a guest. I write about the experiences that you mentioned as the child of one of these unions. I write about the tragedy that it is to be in a MOM and the aftermath. The connections are important. I am an adult now but still have a hard time meeting others who have experienced this kind of life. Not many are willing to share. I look forward to reading more of your blog and am thankful for the advice you left to a mutual friend. I hope it helps her heal.