Wednesday, July 23, 2008

The Online Dating Game

I'm beginning to sense a theme here. Oh well.

Ok...I promised when I started this to blog about some of the ridiculous things one can see when venturing into the world of online dating. There's actually a huge part of me that's sort of relieved that I suck at online dating. I mean....the whole thing is pretty cheesy. And yet. I'm trying it. *sigh*

So. Let me give you a sense of the online dating experience from my viewpoint.

#1 I attract cowboy types. UGH. Either that, or cowboys types are attracted to anything with reasonably coiffed eyebrows and a vague promise that there might be boobs involved. I mean, I state in my profile that I pretty much despise country music and consider "boot scootin" to be the downfall of our society. (Believe me it's not the gays, it's boot-scootin that will be our ruination.) I guess cowboy types don't read much....ya think?

#2 Old men are gross. Seriously. And you know, I think that's all I'm gonna say about that.

#3 Insert motorcycle dudes with tatoos into every place in #1 that says cowboy types or boot-scootin'.

#4 The number of men who think a confederate flag makes a great backdrop for a photo disturbs me greatly.

#5 Most of the guys who talk about being Christian in their profile, also list "The Left Behind Series" as the most compelling thing they've read lately. Many of them even go into detail about how they are so glad that they now have such a great idea of what the book of Revelations is all about and what to expect at the end of the world. OH. MY. GOSH. Words escape me at this point to describe how incredibly ignorant I find this to be. I'm so judgemental sometimes. I admit it. It's FICTION, people, and it's not even barely good writing! They may as well list that they learned all about Jesus from reading "The DaVinci Code".

#6 Just after "The Left Behind Series" in popular book reading for men, we have Joel Osteen's "Your Best Life Now". aaaaaaaauuuuuuuugggghhhhh!

#7 There are certain recurring statements and phrases in profiles. "no game-playing", "no head games", "looking for serious relationship", and one even said "don't piss on my foot and tell me it's raining" HUH??? I understand the sentiment contained in these statements, but come on. Just because everyone you're interested in doesn't "click" with you, it doesn't mean people are playing games. And, I do know that some people do "play games" on dating sites, but it seems really ineffective to me to try and deter that behavior by stating those sorts of disclaimers. Maybe it's just me, but it seems that you've got to expect a certain amount of disappointment and frustration when you get involved in something as open-ended as online dating. It reminds me of teachers who spend countless hours complaining about poorly behaved children. Everyone's gotta do some venting, but HELLO, you're a TEACHER. That's kinda part of it.

The bottom line is that I'd much rather bump into that perfect guy at Barnes & Noble. We'd spill latte all over each other as we tumbled to the floor surrounded by the armfuls of books we're carrying on subjects like literature, theology, and history. Oh. And world travel. Let's not leave out the world travel. And possibly a little technology. I love technology. (can you hear Kip from Napoleon Dynamite right now?)


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5 comments:

seithman said...

I can sympathize with you on a lot of these points.

And quite frankly, in my experience, those who put "no game playing" or similar comments in their profiles seem to be some of the biggest game players out there.

Of course, while talking about annoying phrases in profiles, mind if I add "straight acting" or "discreet" to the list. Yeah, I realize they don't really apply to your situation, but hey...;)

Bonjour Matey! said...

Numbers 4,5, and 6 are absolute truths to me.

Inheritor of Heaven said...

Your comments about book selection (or were they groans) either way were right on. I think I may have read the very first installment of Left Behind but no others. Instead I rather like the boxer shorts with "Left Behind" printed on the left behind. :)
Have a good one.

Mark and Patrick said...

Oh my goodness Grace! I have to admit that what you have written was funny as all get out! At the same time, knowing you through your writings (and I have a pretty good idea of your thinking) how on earth these guys seem to be "matches"! CRAZY!

He's out there....I just know it!

grace said...

Jarred:
I think you are right with the "game playing" assessment. It's a truth that people sometimes have the greatest fears of the very things that are weak within themselves.

bonjour:
sorry it's taken me so long to reply...i've been nursing my wounds from the big fall to the floor i took upon seeing you'd commented. ; ) thanks for doing so!

Interior: (i'm purposely calling you interior...just so you know)
First of all, I'm still praying for you and your children and I'm keeping up with your story through your blog. I am amazed at your resilience and tenacity and it truly is a testament to not only your faith, but Teresa's. What a beautiful example for us all. It's the very thing I'm looking for in this sometimes sad and sometimes ridiculous search I'm doing.

Mark: Well, on this site, anyone can contact anyone else...but you'd THINK they'd have the brains to know when someone is completely ill-suited for them. Men are SO visual. Many of them (not ALL) see a pretty face and just lose all REASON...assuming they ever had any.