Tuesday, June 24, 2008


If Tdub wrote a blog would you read it? Could you read it and respond to him with the same sort of grace and compassion with which I respond to him? I know you could, because almost everyone here has done that with me over these years.

I honestly don't hold any bitterness in my heart for Tdub. I love him as a brother. If anything, I have a stronger compassion for him than for lots of other "sinners" because I had a front row seat to the turmoil that raged in his heart and mind. When I call him a "sinner" I'm speaking specifically about the sin of abandoning me. Yep, I believe that was a sin. But, guess what? I've forgiven him and so has God. He is released to go on with his life with my love and best wishes. Real forgiveness means I don't wish him any harm and, if possible, I will even do things to help him. Tdub repented of that sin. Does repentance mean that he has to get back in reparative therapy to try and be straight, or take a vow of celibacy? Nope. His repentance for abandoning me has really nothing to do with his sexuality and everything to do with his relationship with me and his commitment to not repeating that particular offense.

Let's say I did believe, full on.....that under no circumstances whatsoever should Tdub ever engage in any sort of sexual relations with another man? What then? How would I treat him then? I'll tell you, I'd treat him the same way I treat him now. As a brother. That's what Christ calls me to do. That's what he did. He didn't follow those folks around that he healed to make sure they did everything just right from then on. I'll bet some of those people committed more sin.....ya think???

I'm trying to get Tdub to start writing a blog. Can you tell? He needs to work through so many issues and blogging is such a great outlet for that. I consider it an act of obedience and God has honored it and used it to bring me a great deal of compassion, insight, friendship, and self-discipline. I've got reams of stuff I've not written about yet, so I don't imagine I'll be stopping anytime soon.

If you have the time, leave a comment of encouragement for Tdub.

love and grace,

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t-dub said...



Shameless manipulation I tell you!

Seriously...I know I need to WRITE, if for no other reason than to exorcise everything that's stuffed up in my brain that I very rarely leak--except in rare circumstances here on this blog....

But I know I have things to say, experiences to share, ideas to challenge that might help others in my situation...things to say that are (or should be?) part of my vocation, part of my mission, as if I have been called to stand up for those of us who have been treated as "the least of these...."...who have lived lives of pain and confusion and hurt...who have been abandoned by those who profess to love [or don't know how to love] them... who have inadvertently hurt others in the wake of trying to survive .... who might be emotionally stunted or exhausted trying to be something they will never be instead of being everything they have been created to be....

...to show them that they can indeed survive ...that you can grow (daresay flourish?...that they can still experience God's love...that they can receive forgiveness...that...

...they can live.

OH Crap.
That sounds like a blog intro, doesn't it???


Thanks a LOT, Grace.

grrr mutter mutter grr.

Anonymous said...

To answer the original question, heck yeah!

-- Jarred.

Iain said...

Hi Pam, Tdub,

Yes, if Tdub started a blog, I would most certainly subscribe to it and read it.

Here's why. I am a "straight" Christian from the UK. Lately, a number of events coinciding have brought me the sense God is calling me to look into this much more deeply, and also the sense that the traditional evangelical approach to homosexuals is cruel and wrong.

Here's something I'd like to share; with some trepidation! Our church is slightly wacky-charismatic in orientation, and though I'm often diffident about these things, I'm open to listening to what the spirit has to say. One evening service, on a series about spiritual gifts, we were encouraged in an open session to speak out if we got pictures, and to be bold. I wasn't bold enough to take the opportunity then, but the picture I "received" (just popped into my mind as it were) was quite disturbing. It involved a man who was wrapped in a cocoon, but the cocoon wasn't protecting him, but was trapping him. I got the sense of his total panic in trying to get out, and also the sense that God wanted to remove the layers under which he was trapped. On thinking about it, it seems to me the cocoon represented homophobia.

I am very much aware, through some voluntary counselling work I do, that many homosexuals struggle with unwanted attractions, and that this struggle leads to despair and misery - often to suicidal thoughts. I think that because the evangelical church offers no realistic alternative but celibacy, that we are contributing to that misery and will be judged for it.

Hence I want very much to interact with gay Christians; to listen to what they've got to say, and to have fellowship with them.

I've presented my views on two "Christians in Science" email lists, with a variety of responses. Some have been very supportive and say they agree with me (also straight Christians). Some have been a bit bigoted, and have not shown much evidence of listening. The more scientifically oriented ones tend to be the more sympathetic, as they can see the evidence that orientation isn't something you choose is very compelling.

So, Tdub, if you don't think I'm a total nutball for posting these thoughts; I'd be very keen to read your blog and listen to what you have to say. From what you say above, I get the sense of a lot of anger and pain because of the struggles you've been through, and I'm not surprised. Writing, and having people listen and not judge you is one of the best ways of dealing with "stuff".

Oh, dear .... sounds like I'm twisting your arm, doesn't it?

I mean ... you don't have to do it ... honest ... only if you feel like it! :-)

Norm! said...

I would love to read Tdub's blog. Admittedly, for my own selfish curiousity, I've always wanted to hear Tdub's perspective first hand.

As a Willful Grace fan club member, I can't imagine any other fellow fan club member not treating Tdub's blog with same grace and compassion Pam's posts have shown.

Anonymous said...

I always appreciate how "real" you seem to be. It's really inspiring to watch your growth by reading your blog. Thank you for being so open and encouraging to the people who surround you--especially t-dub!

Curlz said...

T-dub ~ I would be very interested in your perspective and would most definately be interested in your blog - I was already captivated by your heartfelt comment.

Pam, you are a blessing (at the risk of sounding redundant), and I am in awe of the love and grace shared between you and T-dub. Thank you both for letting us in to witness the beautiful attributes of our Creators character. You are both a testimony of His healing and love.

Kat said...

Tdub, BLOG! ;o) How's that? :D
But seriously, it would be an honor to read your blog as it has been an honor to be here. I have two friends who I so wish I could introduce you to! He went through much of what you have gone through. Also, may I give a plug here for Evangelicals Concerned? Their annual conference is coming up. I'm putting in the website for you to look up if you wish. Also, I'm so sorry for being rude to you on your last post here.
Hugs, Kat


grace said...

Thanks guys! I talked to him yesterday and he's been working on it!!! hee hee!

As soon as it's up I'll make an announcement. I'm considering this my revenge for not getting to be the one to throw him a wild and lavish FORTIETH birthday party/roast last month!
*evil grin*

Dannybrou said...

t-dub...lots to talk about that has been going on with me over the past...lets say..year.

get in touch with me. email me.