Why do I save things like the boys' big Duplo blocks? (duplos are the giant versions of legos that toddlers play with) I'll tell you why. Because I intend to have grandchildren play with those blocks and I'll take pictures of them and put them in frames next to pictures of their dad playing with those same blocks. I'm insane like that. I also enjoy playing with Duplo blocks a great deal myself...which is probably at the heart of the entire matter. Sadly.
Why do I keep a box full of the extra papers and worksheets that didn't make it into the already bulging scrapbooks I made for the boys for each of their school years? I don't know. Maybe I think that one of them will invent the pill that cures cancer and I'll be in charge of setting up a museum chronicling each detail of their life including all the hours they spent being bored in a classroom doing mindless worksheets. I mostly saved the ones that have cute little scribbles or doodles on them since this stuff somehow gives me a glance into the inner-workings of their little minds. What I'm saying is, I actually DID throw a ton of things away. But I have these. And I want to keep them. Why?
Why do I save so many books? I'm going to be honest here...and this is a testament to the fact that as much as I think I trust in God, I simply do not fully trust. I actually think that maybe at some point, like when I'm dead, my boys might find some of those books I had that were particularly meaningful to me and read them. They might be inspired or touched in such a way that they will live their lives with more purpose or be more able to weather the storms of their lives. I should just pass those books on or get rid of them and allow God to take care of my boys the way He is now. But...what if God is the one inspiring me to save them so that my boys will one day read them? See how nuts I am?
Listen to this one. I've got this little wooden curio type thing that I bought when Daniel was a baby. It's little wooden blocks that spell out Daniel, one letter on each block, and then there's a little wooden Bible character (Daniel) and a little wooden lion that goes with it. In all the divorcing, moving, blah blah blah - the N from the set of blocks is missing. So, it can only spell Daiel. BUT....if you position the little lion just right he sort of takes the place of the N and it still looks like it says Daniel. And I have this thing in a box and I can't get rid of it. I hate it and I love it.
If the first step is admitting you have a problem...then...here I am. Step 1.
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