Monday, February 05, 2007


I'm 99% certain that someone in my immediate family has discovered my blog.

It's a relief, actually. A good thing. At lease I hope and pray it is.

The thing about the blog is this; I've not made it a point to tell anyone in particular about it. I've just known all along that folks would find it when the time was right for them to find it. The only person I ever "pointedly" told about it was Tdub and that was long ago while we were still married. Every other person has discovered it on their own, and there have been a small number who've been told as the subject of blogs in general came up or in a few conversations about my personal strategies for emotional health. Basically, it's not something I've been broadcasting, but it's not something I'm hiding either. I mean, it's on the world wide web for pete's sake. Anyone can see it.

I hope my family member will confront me with it, and certainly I hope so if they find it to be a problem for them personally. I can't imagine what they must be thinking/feeling about finding it after knowing the parts they know of the story from the perspective they've seen it from. That's just more than I can get my mind around right now.

This is all really strange, isn't it? A new sort of cultural phenomenon of our day. "I remember when my family found my blog." I guess that may one day be right up there with "I remember when I pulled my first tooth." Who knows.

All I can say, at this point, is that I hope my family is not surprised too awfully much by anything they read here. They've known me longer than anyone. They've always known how I am. This blog should really only confirm just how MUCH I am how I am. I hope that's the case.

love and grace,

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Peterson Toscano said...

I know of others whose families found their blogs and it ultimately went well. There are somethings that we can say in a blog that seem to never get said in every day life.

Hoping that your family member will approach you at the right time and that they surprise you with grace.

Lakelady said...

I stumbled across my son’s blog purely by accident. I did not know it was his blog and followed it for some time before he quoted something that we had discussed at lunch and I realized who Brady was. I was glad to see that Brady has strong Christian beliefs and that he is comfortable with who he is. Following his blog reassures me of what a wonderful young man he is. I didn’t tell him that I was following his blog for some time. He finally said that he knew someone was googling his blog from Austin and asked who it was. I told him then that it was me. Hopefully your family member will tell you who they are. Surely they have seen how much you inspire so many others, including myself. Brady knows that I follow your blog and he speaks so highly of you. Good luck and God Bless!

grace said...

Peterson: Thanks for that encouragement....let it be so.

Lakelady: You are "Brady's" mom???? how awesome!! My brady??? (your brady, yeah..i know ;) But cool. I love that guy. He was close to being my very FIRST commenter, did you know that???

love and grace,

Lakelady said...

Yes, our Brady. I didn't know he was close to your first commenter! He is a great guy. I am glad you found each other and that he led me to your blog!

Carol said...

Hi Pam, I read your blog but rarely, if ever, have left a comment. I've learned so much from your and other people's blogs and it has helped me through a difficult time (over two years, actually). I can't decide when or if I want people to know my identity, so I guess I'm considered a lurker. :-)Thanks for sharing so much of yourself.

FeatherIron said...

My dad never call me anymore and when I call him he says, "well I read your blog!" and now my mother, who used to bug me to death, never calls either, (unless there is a natural disaster looming near by) now she says "I read your blog!"

kurt_t said...

If my Mom ever goes to my website and sees all the pictures of all the family heirlooms I've rescued from the dumpster over the years, I'm in big trouble.

Somewhere around here I have Mom's mood ring and a recipe for tamale pie that she wrote on an index card in 1971.

You're sworn to secrecy, Pam!

Norm! said...

My boyfriend, Ma, and Aunt all read my blog. I only wish they all had blogs.

Brady said...

Oh and Pam and mom--thanks for the nice words too ;-)

Brady said...

Hmm- apparently my first comment didn't post. Woops!

I was just saying that I was about to tell the story of how my mom found my blog, but you guys beat me to the punch!

But also, Pam, I think this will end up being good for you. I think it's good for people you are close to see another side of your feelings. No matter how honest we are to our friends/family, being able to write out our thoughts without worrying about who will see them always brings out a new angle into who we are.

Robert said...

It is trully interesting how some things can be most comfortable when they are made obvious by a public announcement rather than a private conversation.

I was never comfortable discussing being gay with my parents. So, when I was in law school and on television with the rest of my Queer Nation friends, the media allowed me to come out to my friends and family without ever having to personally come forward with "the announcement." Some how I could not just open the closet door. It felt better just blowing it up.

Sometimes intimate disclosures work well. Then again, sometimes taking a bazooka to the uncomfortable issue can work wonders too.

grace said...

Carol: Nothing wrong with IS nice to hear from you! I'm of the opinion that we all have something to add to the conversation...some are just more timid about adding it. Thanks for "unlurking" yourself! :)

featheriron: My dad is not much of a computer person....we've just recently convinced him that using the cel phone really IS the most best way to call us long distance.

kurt: share the tamale pie recipe and your secret will be safe.

norm!: i wonder how "blogging" will play out in our culture...will everyone eventually have one....or will it become like CB radios at some point? remember when everyone had those? you may be too young...

Brady: I agree...blogging has been so good for me, I can't imagine it won't eventually serve as a springboard to greater understanding in my family as well.

Robert: love the bazooka metaphor! :)

Mike said...

One thing I do find interesting in blogging or in any form of electronic format is the way many people tend to use it instead of face to face communication. I enjoy emailing, instant messaging, text messaging much like other people. However, there is a point where electronic correspondence can only go so far. I believe there is no substitute for being in the same room across from someone engaged in conversation.

I am not saying electronic communication is bad. I am just saying it is a poor substitute for the real thing. There is so much more to communication other than words and emoticons: body language, voice inflection, eye contact, physical appearance, intuition, etc. I do understand the advantages of electronic communication such as availability, timing, able to span great distances, reach a greater audience, etc.

I do wonder what electronic communication says about us. Does it say that we don't have the time to meet face to face? Does it say our time with people is less important and relegated to whenever we can get to them? Does it say we are fearful of what being honest in front of someone will be like? Maybe is just says we are utilizing a technology to reach out to people we wouldn't otherwise be able to?

Electronic communication has been a mixed bag for me. Some people are just like they are on paper. Others, seem to hide well in between the fine lines of black and white fonts. I am interested in knowing what yours and others experiences have been.