Grief is an insidious monster. He hides away, lurking, waiting. He has an arsenal of tools. Most of them look and feel like healthy activities. Maybe they are. I know he's a "necessary evil", and yet, I loathe him. I want him gone. I want to run away very far sometimes, so that he can't catch me, can't find me. I want him to disappear. He has no mercy, no compassion, just reminders of hurt, pain, past joy, past victory. He turns all the bad and all the good into something very very difficult face. And so, in Grief's world, I am faced with a choice, again and again. Over and over. What are you going to do now? How do you feel about God NOW? Try this on for size. I hate him.
He attacked me last night during the middle of a simple song that I was singing with the 3-yr-olds in their Bible class. Working in the Children's Ministry, singing, playing with kids, this was something I'm used to doing with a partner, as a team.
And so now, boys and girls, do I still believe those words. Is my God really so BIG, so STRONG and so MIGHTY? Is there really nothing my God cannot do? Yes, the mountains are his, the valleys are his, and the seas are his handiwork too. But.....IS HE so BIG, so STRONG and so MIGHTY. Is there really NOTHING that he can't do?????
And then, on the drive home, my big, strong, mighty God.....gave me this verse. He didn't speak it out loud, but he did directly speak it to my mind, my heart.
They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. Psalm 126:5
Grief is a scary monster. But he's not God.
love and grace,
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