Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Trying Again

I would put this off and try and rewrite this thing this weekend...but....I'm on a personal mission to post 3 times in one day in a feeble attempt to pretend I could actually keep up with Peterson if I really really wanted to. (you're a madman peterson...lay OFF the multiple posts in one day, you're killin' me!!!!)

So....where was I. Let's see....God Talks to Me and that's somehow related to the movies of M. Night Shymalan.

NO, I'm not going all "Shirley MacClain" on you. (jay, you may be too young to get that reference) But, I do indeed believe wholeheartedly that I have heard personally from the big man upstairs.

Remember a few weeks back when I was posting about being really lonely and how I'd even gotten onto a Yahoo Chat thing out of a sheer sort of bored loneliness? Well.....Angie started it all with her comment about how God probably has a plan and a purpose for this time in my life. And so, rather than feel guilty about not reading something helpful during my "lonely" time I decided I should just begin praying about the situation.

I'm here to tell you. That feeling has been completely replaced by a complete sense of peace and contentment. I have no way of explaining from whence it came.....but indeed, it is here. I am certain that God is indeed using this time and I no longer feel "lonely" in the evenings like I did initially. Furthermore, I've "heard" from God. Through various conversations I've had, things I've read, and the experiences of the past few weeks, God has intentionally spoken to me individually. Many of you who will read this have had a part in it, unknowingly. It's almost like a "puzzle" that God has had me piece together over the last few weeks. Here's what He said....honestly....these are distinct messages I've received from Him via other people, readings, and experiences:

"Slow down. Enjoy this time. I am in this time and I do have a purpose for you right now. Enjoy your boys and listen carefully to them. Enjoy being you. I love you and I love what you have become. Your mistakes don't matter to me, your commitment to me is what matters."

I think now that I grew up asking the wrong questions of God. I was always wanting to know things like "why is this happening?" "what should i do?" "when are you going to tell me something, God?" "who am i supposed to listen to?" I believe now...that the question I'm supposed to keep asking is this....."HOW is God speaking to me?" I'm pretty convinced at this point that nothing is coincidence and that God is more frugal than we give Him credit for being. By that, I mean that He doesn't waste anything. It's all purposeful and meaninful. I just have to figure out HOW He meant it for me as a lesson....whatever it is.

HOW is God speaking to you? He is. That's a non-negotiable. But How? What is He saying?

love and grace,


oh rats....i didn't mention how those movies relate to all this...i'll save that for my next post!!! haha!

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Bill said...

You've done a great job creating interest by using the element of suspense. Let me make sure I ask the correct question: How is Pam going to tie these movies into this topic? Regardless of the point, I’ve gotta’ tell you that I like your writing style. Grace and peace to you and yours, -bill

Steve Boese said...

I don't get words or instructions as much as I get nudges from God from time to time. Beginning, and then working through, the coming-out journey was much about taking small steps because it had become clear that I was being nudged forward.

Some days I would have preferred to take tiny steps, or none at all, but the necessary task in front of me felt like stepping off a cliff. I didn't know if the step would turn out to be much smaller than I'd feared, or lead to a bruising, ugly landing. Then I learned that many of the nudges were invitations to trust God in the midst of fearful or difficult circumstances.

And, there are still issues and concerns for which I don't have a clear sense of having heard God, or being nudged. Whether that's about clarity which will come later, or simply that life won't ever be as rational and clear-cut as I once thought it would be, I think my job is to breathe in, breathe out, listen more than talk, trust more than doubt, and put one foot in front of the other.

Take care, Pam....

Angie said...

Pam… Whoa, you’re freaking me out. I have been re-reading a book called Soul Feast by Marjorie Thompson. I’m just going to quote a paragraph that it appears she wrote and you just lived. She’s talking about ways to hear God (the Bible, creation, etc.):

“The circumstances of our lives are another medium of God’s communication with us. God opens some doors and closes others. A troubling relationship may invite us to attend to something we have not fully faced in ourselves. Through the wisdom of our bodies, God tells us to slow down or reorder our priorities. The happy coincidences and frustrating impasses of daily life are laden with messages. Patient listening and the grace of the Spirit are the decoding devices of prayer. It is a good habit to ask, What is God saying to me in this situation? Listening to our lives is part of prayer.”

Amazing, huh…

Jay said...

Hey Pan. That was a wonderful quote Angie. That, plus what you said, is totally how I view the way that God "speaks" to us. I'm glad you're feeling more at peace in your situation.

And I know who Shirley MacClain is. I'm a pop-culture wiz kid, trust me.

God Bless,

p.alan said...

Don't be so hard on yourself, Grace. Everyone thinks that women think and talk more...that is until they meet a gay man. Peterson is just doing what comes naturally:-)

I know that I wear myself out & drive myself crazy more than anyone else in my life.

As for your new page in life, you've found that hard earned peace that can come only after... living each day as you awake in it,
living each day through your kids,
living each day just for the sake of getting through it. I too was there, and finally found that peaceful place...but mine was a much longer process by coming out afterwards.

To me, God is saying "Be patient. I have a larger purpose for you. Learn a little more patience while you're at it, my child."

grace said...

What GREAT comments! Thanks ALL of you. It's good to hear from you Steve! I watch for new posts over at your blog. And I'm glad you stopped by and commented p.alan...I don't remember ever having heard from you are a welcomed voice!

I absolutely love and am blessed by you Jay, Angie, Brady, Peterson, EMERY??????, Bill, Carole, Kurt, Robert...all you "regulars" who lift my spirits every time you comment and remind me that you are out there listening and either praying or just sending good thoughts my way. God is faithful.