Sunday, October 01, 2006

Settling In

I'm BAAAAACCCKKKK!!!!!

Tdub has been wondering how I've managed so long without internet. Honestly, I've wondered myself since I innately love searching, discovery, reading, and learning. The internet, for me, is like DisneyWorld for the mind. Internet time can be just as purposeful or just as frivolous in every way. But....I'm not writing about that right now....I'm just back and I'm thrilled! :) I think I have learned to "temper" myself a bit more as far as time spent surfing. I've signed up for cable so I'm going to watch TV! hahahahaha!!!

I'll get back into blogging mode by giving a go at describing my day; Saturday, September 30, 2006.

After retiring at the early hour of 2:30 a.m. on Saturday morning (i still have major sorting and decorating to do here at the new place), I arose at 6:15 this morning to head over to the house for a yard sale thrown by Tdub and me. It's pathetic how much sheer crap a family of six can acquire in seven years. I don't even hesitate to call it sinful.

Tdub laid a big plastic tarp in the yard and we semi-sorted clothing by type into piles then began setting out the leftovers from what neither of us wanted or had room for in our new places. The yard looked It's all been extremely amicable, which is a testament to BOTH of us, not just me. I somehow find a sort of twisted comfort in the fact that even though the four boys will grow up without an example of what life-long marriage/commitment looks like, at least we'll have shown them what it looks like to allow love and compassion to rule over pain, disappointment, and the accompanying anger and resentment.

I believe my sense of calm and peace in the situation is the result of divine intervention; the presence of God's Holy Spirit. I'm not talking about some hand-waving, Bible-wielding, finger-pointing, holier-than-thou sort of attitude/psuedo peace where I basically "rise above it", do whatever I want, and call it God's plan. I grew up around that sort of thing, not my parents, just the "church-folk" in general. I'm not playing the "you're a gay sinner so you don't count" card. That card isn't in my deck. I'm operating from the standpoint that Tdub is my brother. I may not agree with his current decisions, and yeah, I'm still hurting.....but I can't explain the sense of peace that was over the day today. It truly does surpass understanding. Don't get me wrong, my compassion doesn't extend so far as to consider, under any circumstances, a reconciliation of the marriage. I'm certain that won't ever be an option in the first place, besides the fact that I'm just "done", if that makes sense.

The day began with a crisp little breeze in the air and a cool temperature of about 68 degrees. For some odd reason, the hotter it got, the more folks seemed to show up to take our stuff. Tdub and I agreed that the best strategy was "cheap" so they'd take MORE. A little cash in hand was secondary to getting RID of stuff. For the most part, it worked. Fortunately, we were able to get rid of almost every bit of the big bulky stuff; the sort of things you have to pay to have hauled away if you don't get rid of them. We had a shed full of things like a broken dryer, a broken stove, and large gas heaters. In the house, we had a weight bench, and six of my beloved "winder units" (hehe!), and several other rickety old pieces of furniture. We were successful in unloading ALL of those things, agreeing on pricing, and ending the day with a decent chunk of cash in hand.
In other news of the day, I got my car back from the body shop ($4,000 worth of damage! yikes!), we now have our little black pug dog here at the new place (it's amazing how much comfort and hominess just having our pet here provides), and I've finished the 2nd season of LOST on DVD and am pumped about being able to see the first show of season three this week. I'm a bit disappointed in myself for giving in on the TV thing since we've been so long without it. But.....uh.....not that much! ha!

I'll catch up on reading everyone's blogs tomorrow. I'm looking forward to it!

love and grace,

pam





View Current Blog

6 comments:

FeatherIron said...

Glad your back and that things went well during the yard sale.

em said...

Glad you are well! I´m looking forward to catching up on all the changes when I get back in Texas. Take Care!

Singer said...

Pam,
Not sure if you remember me with all that you've got going on these days, but I'm the guy who posted a couple of times on Ex-Gay Watch who also got to know Tdub through a different online group. (One of those bizarre coincidences that I'm pretty sure was orchestrated by God somehow.) I've enjoyed your posts on XGW and have appreciated your transparency here as well.

Just wanted to express my sadness over what you, Tdub, and your boys are experiencing these days. It's evident from your writings that you are grounded in your faith and have a solid, loving community surrounding you. I'm confident that He will use those strengths to hold you together through all of this.

Though this may be the painful end to your marriage, please remember that this is not the end of your story -- which is part of a much greater Story.

Blessings to you,

Singer

Angie said...

Sigh. I don't know why but I just felt a sort of sigh after reading this post. It's so good to hear from you... Honestly, regardless of your circumstances, I adore how the Holy Spirit's presence remains so evident in directing your life. Isn't it a comfort? Goodness... I'd hate to know where I'd be right now if I followed my own instincts rather than His! Because I'm enough of a mess right now! :-)

BTW... I'm very much a LOST fan! Counting down the days until the new season begins!

TCS said...

Angie got me hooked on Lost. Not caught up yet though. I know that your still hurting, you and your family are still in our prayers.

grace said...

FeatherIron: Thanks girl! Looking forward to catching up on you and your family. STILL haven't had my blog reading time yet! ugh! There's just SO much to do when you move!

Em: I'm sure Costa Rica is treating you well....you sorry thang! ;) Just remember to wear Sunscreen this time...you maybe be brown..but obviously, you're not THAT brown! haha!

Singer: Yes! I do remember you. I remember Tdub telling me about you. Thanks for your encouragement. I do believe that all of us, if we are living faithfully in His kingdom are retelling Bible stories over and over again. Just in different contexts and settings. :)

Angie: I'd love to see you! Come back to Texas soon!

TCS: Your prayers mean SO MUCH to me. I can feel the prayers of so many, sustaining me through this time. God IS FAITHFUL.

love and grace,
pam