We all made it thru Aunt B's funeral yesterday.
I was the "good guy". And, of course, Tdub was the "bad guy".
At least that's how I'm sure he felt, overall.
I hate that for him, and yet, I relished in the love, concern, encouragement, and just sheer physical affection that was poured on me yesterday. I don't deserve it anymore than Tdub. I really don't. And yet, in this situation, I am the victim. I'm the one who's been hurt, forsaken, and betrayed. I don't feel like a victim, well, mostly I don't. I mostly feel like a person who is looking to God and saying "What next?" I know it involves people, whatever it is, and I am doing what I can to stay open and honest so that I can serve and do what I'm being called to do.
I would have wished something more for Tdub yesterday, though. I hope, I pray, that my purpose in all of this may result in different sorts of responses by "the church" toward folks like Tdub.
Yes....it WAS vitally important to me to feel LOVED, AFFIRMED, and ACCEPTED by the family. And truly, I was. I am. I am the great-niece of Becky Tilotta Holbrook and no one can ever change that fact.
And yet....so is Tdub. I would have liked to have seen more folks reaching out specifically to him. I did see one individual make an overt attempt toward affection. Mind you, I was not in the most observant state of mind and even at my best I tend to "zone out" in my own world. But, our preacher DID reach out specifically to Tdub. And I witnessed it. I noticed it and appreciated it even as if he'd reached out to me personally. I do love Tdub. I always will. Not in a romantic way....but in a sisterly, Christ-like way. He is precious to me. I want to see him reconciled to his family in Christ. I want to see his family in Christ reconciled to him. There is much work to be done. On BOTH sides. I certainly do not have all the answers. But, I hope for a time, when a funeral will take place like yesterday, and a "forsaken" son like Tdub will be embraced, loved, and encouraged just as I was at the service yesterday.
Aunt Becky would have done no less. Of this I am sure.
love and grace,
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