I mentioned yesterday that I didn't tell Tdub about my blog at first. It was a good decision. I think if he'd known about it from the start he'd have been worried each day about what I might say...or concerned that something he said or did would end up as some sort of "rant" plastered all over the internet. STRUGGLING HOMOSEXUAL HAS THE NERVE TO PISS OFF HIS WIFE...DOWNLOAD FULL DETAILS HERE. Like I said, he was one of the very first, if not THE first person (he feels certain this was all his idea!!) to suggest I start blogging. I liken his suggesting it to the 4th of July when we buy the boys one of those humongous artillery-type fireworks that looks like we might be ready to take out an entire village and has a fuse cord thick enough to support swinging bridges. We light that sucker, run like heck as far away as we can get, then crouch down and hope that something awesome and beautiful happens as opposed to something that comes after you, leaving you squealing in anguish or blinded and maimed for the rest of your life. It's a risk.
I'd been blogging for about a month and a half when I got an email from this guy I'll call "Joe". (not his real name) Joe was a single Christian guy who was enjoying my blog and wanted to correspond a little and ask me a few questions. Specifically, he wanted a woman's perspective on some questions he had about his own struggle with unwanted same sex attraction. This was where things began to get tricky. I'd felt like I needed to tell Tdub about the blog just a few days before I got this email from Joe. After a few emails back and forth with Joe...there was no DOUBT in my mind that Tdub HAD to know. The blog had suddenly taken on a sort of life of it's own and in forming an actual real life friendship because of it, I was close to crossing into territory no one should venture into when you are married. I'm not talking about anything sexual. I'm speaking of giving time, effort, energy and emotional support to something outside the marriage. I believe anything of that nature becomes adultery if you allow it to. And so....I told Tdub about the blog. I FWDed all the corrspondence I'd had with Joe to him and caught him up completely on the entire process. He (Tdub) was in awe, inspired, supportive, and completely happy about it. He loved having a body of work to read so that he could get a feel for what sort of blog it was and the sort of things I wrote about. No rants about my homosexual husband...*whew*!!
We ended up meeting "Joe" in person about a month ago. It was awesome and we now consider him to be one of our dearest friends. When you share struggles of this nature and God brings you together and blesses your friendship...it's amazing how quickly you can become bonded in Him. That's what we have with "Joe", a brotherhood in Christ brought about by common pain. And together, we have common JOY.
And that's why I started blogging in the first place. Because I felt I'd lost or hadn't been able to find the JOY that I knew God had for me.
I asked Tdub what his perceptions of my blogging were....how did he percieve it had been of help or not to me? He said that he believed the blog had opened lines of communications between us that had not existed before. It has become easier for him to trust that he can talk with me about some difficult subjects because of the things he's read in my blog. Trust is difficult for all of us. Just imagine the issues of difficulty that would exist if you were a married male who struggled with unwanted same sex attractions.
The assesment of the blog is that it has been a very good thing for me and it's something I should continue for the time being. I love being part of the community of bloggers in the little circle of friends I've made since I started blogging. And some, like Ben, who I've been interacting with long before I had my own blog.
I do not blog because I think someone will be changed or convinced of anything because of what I say. I blog for me. It helps me. I do love interacting with people who comment, don't get me wrong. Sometimes I wish more people would comment because as much as I hate that it works this way, it is rather affirming to know that someone heard you and had something to say about it, even if they don't necessarily agree with you. So, if you've thought about commenting and you haven't, please do! :) But if you don't, that's fine too. :)